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New Here - I'm losing my 13-year old to pot
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<blockquote data-quote="claireisma" data-source="post: 357770"><p>My daughter's doing really well. The back brace is holding her spine and she doesn't need surgery. Two more months and she'll be out of the brace. I'm losing my little boy more and more each day. God the family courts are so incompetent. They assigned minor's counsel - a woman who has been three years out of law school. Through my frustration and anguish I tried to explain to her my worries and my fears and she missed it entirely. Suddenly nothing is as it really is - like it's been turned upside down. My son is isolated at his dad's and his anger toward me grows. How can that be when he hasn't seen me? He told her he now knows what I've been "plotting all these years" because he's seen court papers (at his dad's) and she wrote that into her report and doesn't seem to see that that is talk of a child who is being alienated. She said my son said he's smoked pot "recreationally" a couple of times and that she's confident he's not doing it anymore because he told her that he quit and he's even talking his friends into quitting. At one point I thought she was being fooled by my ex-husband's courtroom demeanor and asked her if she's had experience in domestic violence and understands how abuse continues in divorce. She wrote in her report that I challenged her and said she was being fooled by my ex-husband. It's like this throughout her report. She said my daughter said she doesn't respect me and that I'm a liar. It's true and we're working it out in counseling. It's because my ex-husband fed my kids so many lies through the court battle that I just didn't respond. And my kids took that to mean that I must be hiding something. Had "minor's counsel" spoken to the counselor we were going to before my daughter's accident, had she asked me why my girl feels that way, she would understand those words in context. She didn't talk to any of the counselors or therapists we've been to, didn't talk to CPS or to any of the collateral contacts I gave her and she came down on me hard - said I'm paranoid and stressed and angry. You bet I am. I'm scared to death and worried sick to. And she forgot to mention flat broke because I'm spending the last of my 401K trying to save a 13 year old boy who doesn't have to be a drug addict. She recommends a 730 evaluation (great bring it on - more evaluations and more money and more time) and she wants my ex and I to go to parenting classes together. What good are parenting classes going to do? He's a controlling narcissistic drunk. He'll fake it through classes just so he can sit there and rub my nose in it as everyone buys his charm and then he'll turn around and do exaxtly what he's doing now. In one day he turned on the charm for this "minor's counsel" and then pounded on my door screaming obscenities at me in front of my son because he needed me to sign a paper so my son could go to counseling and I was taking too long to read it. He screamed at me on the phone that I "read faster than anyone he's ever met and I shouldn't have taken so long." Two days later my son is cursing obscenities at me and making gestures in front of his brother and sister when I happen to call on the phone and catch the three of them together.</p><p> </p><p>This family court process, when you are dealing with a drunk, it takes it out of you. Five years now after 15 years of total physical and emotional abuse and there's no end in sight. Tonight I was laying in bed trying to talk myself into how I could make it stop for everyone involved ... just a fleeting moment of "I know how to make this stop" but you can't do that - I can't do that to my kids. So I wonder sometimes where the breaking point is in life when you think you can't go another step. Like you just can't not participate - so when is enough enough? You work your butt off putting the poker face on everyday and at night and your house is messy and you get the 15 day notice for the power and you run around turning lights off...I'm thinking I should move into a smaller house to save some money but I'll lose my deposit because one of the kids spilled kool-aid on the living room carpet ... I went to bed last evening and just cried and cried and cried. My son won't be seeing me on Mother's Day. He'd planned to but daddy dearest changed the venue and took that family out of town. I'm not on a pity trip really. It's just that this person is trying to destroy me and nobody seems to get it and it just doesn't seem right that a person can destroy another human being. And since my head went to that horrible place and it's 2:30 in the morning - I'm here because you all seem to have a grasp of what I'm talking about. Thanks for listening.</p><p> </p><p>Claireisma</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="claireisma, post: 357770"] My daughter's doing really well. The back brace is holding her spine and she doesn't need surgery. Two more months and she'll be out of the brace. I'm losing my little boy more and more each day. God the family courts are so incompetent. They assigned minor's counsel - a woman who has been three years out of law school. Through my frustration and anguish I tried to explain to her my worries and my fears and she missed it entirely. Suddenly nothing is as it really is - like it's been turned upside down. My son is isolated at his dad's and his anger toward me grows. How can that be when he hasn't seen me? He told her he now knows what I've been "plotting all these years" because he's seen court papers (at his dad's) and she wrote that into her report and doesn't seem to see that that is talk of a child who is being alienated. She said my son said he's smoked pot "recreationally" a couple of times and that she's confident he's not doing it anymore because he told her that he quit and he's even talking his friends into quitting. At one point I thought she was being fooled by my ex-husband's courtroom demeanor and asked her if she's had experience in domestic violence and understands how abuse continues in divorce. She wrote in her report that I challenged her and said she was being fooled by my ex-husband. It's like this throughout her report. She said my daughter said she doesn't respect me and that I'm a liar. It's true and we're working it out in counseling. It's because my ex-husband fed my kids so many lies through the court battle that I just didn't respond. And my kids took that to mean that I must be hiding something. Had "minor's counsel" spoken to the counselor we were going to before my daughter's accident, had she asked me why my girl feels that way, she would understand those words in context. She didn't talk to any of the counselors or therapists we've been to, didn't talk to CPS or to any of the collateral contacts I gave her and she came down on me hard - said I'm paranoid and stressed and angry. You bet I am. I'm scared to death and worried sick to. And she forgot to mention flat broke because I'm spending the last of my 401K trying to save a 13 year old boy who doesn't have to be a drug addict. She recommends a 730 evaluation (great bring it on - more evaluations and more money and more time) and she wants my ex and I to go to parenting classes together. What good are parenting classes going to do? He's a controlling narcissistic drunk. He'll fake it through classes just so he can sit there and rub my nose in it as everyone buys his charm and then he'll turn around and do exaxtly what he's doing now. In one day he turned on the charm for this "minor's counsel" and then pounded on my door screaming obscenities at me in front of my son because he needed me to sign a paper so my son could go to counseling and I was taking too long to read it. He screamed at me on the phone that I "read faster than anyone he's ever met and I shouldn't have taken so long." Two days later my son is cursing obscenities at me and making gestures in front of his brother and sister when I happen to call on the phone and catch the three of them together. This family court process, when you are dealing with a drunk, it takes it out of you. Five years now after 15 years of total physical and emotional abuse and there's no end in sight. Tonight I was laying in bed trying to talk myself into how I could make it stop for everyone involved ... just a fleeting moment of "I know how to make this stop" but you can't do that - I can't do that to my kids. So I wonder sometimes where the breaking point is in life when you think you can't go another step. Like you just can't not participate - so when is enough enough? You work your butt off putting the poker face on everyday and at night and your house is messy and you get the 15 day notice for the power and you run around turning lights off...I'm thinking I should move into a smaller house to save some money but I'll lose my deposit because one of the kids spilled kool-aid on the living room carpet ... I went to bed last evening and just cried and cried and cried. My son won't be seeing me on Mother's Day. He'd planned to but daddy dearest changed the venue and took that family out of town. I'm not on a pity trip really. It's just that this person is trying to destroy me and nobody seems to get it and it just doesn't seem right that a person can destroy another human being. And since my head went to that horrible place and it's 2:30 in the morning - I'm here because you all seem to have a grasp of what I'm talking about. Thanks for listening. Claireisma [/QUOTE]
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