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Substance Abuse
New Here - I'm losing my 13-year old to pot
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 358368" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can relate to the abusvie ex, angry teen son who smokes weed to self-medicate for his anxiety and anger towards his parents for getting divorced and ruining his life...but you are wise to listen to the women here who have been there, done that. I am planning on attending my very first Al Anon meeting tomorrow to help myself stop enabling and start detaching before I drop dead of a heart attack or stroke from stress. Nothing I have done so far has stopped my son from smoking weed and hanging out with kids who see no future for themselves other than feeling good for the moment, and his dad is worse than useless as a co-parent. My son lives iwth his dad nearby so we see each other just about daily, and he knows how to play on my guilt over leaving him withhis dad (son was physically aggressive towards me and younger sister at the time we separated, and still hasn't accepted that he has to obey my house rules). I've been a stay at home mom for the past 20 years and have devoted myself to being the Perfect Mom, but I blew it by staying too long in an emotionally abusive marriage and letting my kids see my ex disrespect me. Now I'm trying to put my life back together at the same time I'm trying to save two emotionally damaged kids and a younger one who, thankfully, doesn't have a diagnosis. Yet. I know that 2:30 a.m. feeling well.</p><p> </p><p>You did a lot by setting boundaries and ground rules iwth your son: what you will and won't tolerate, and when you were tested, sticking to it. bravo! The last time my son laid a hand on me what whenhe was 13. I had a safety plan in place and as soon as he hit me between the shoulder blades, I picked up the phone and dialled 911. Four cop cars came, and we escorted my son to the hospital for evaluation. He wasn't admitted that time, but he never laid a hand on me again. Two years later he broke some lamps and pushed over my huge tv set and broke it. I called 911, he fled to his dad's, but he was arrested later and charged with disorderly conduct. He never touched my stuff again. It took him a year of probation to clear the charge from his record.</p><p> </p><p>It's very very hard to call the cops on your kid. Sometimes the authorities will be obnoxious to you for bothering them with minor stuff. But somehow the message has got to get through to the child that there is some behavior that will not be tolerated. You owe that to yourself and to any easy child's in your orbit. My youngest has suffered greatly from her older sibs' acting out, and I'm trying to give her some decent quality of life while she's still young enough to appreciate it. I'm moving soon and my two older ones are not coming with me, and it is a great relief.</p><p> </p><p>Stay strong. As a therapist one told me, you don't have to tolerate behavior that you find objectionable. The hard part is staying consistent with the inevitable testing.</p><p> </p><p>Glad your daughter is going to be okay. Man, you have been through the wringer lately. I hope you can find a little bit of "me" time to indulge yourself, even if it's something as small as a gourmet cupcake or locking yourself in the bathroom to read a magazine. Whatever works as a small pampering.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 358368, member: 5941"] I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can relate to the abusvie ex, angry teen son who smokes weed to self-medicate for his anxiety and anger towards his parents for getting divorced and ruining his life...but you are wise to listen to the women here who have been there, done that. I am planning on attending my very first Al Anon meeting tomorrow to help myself stop enabling and start detaching before I drop dead of a heart attack or stroke from stress. Nothing I have done so far has stopped my son from smoking weed and hanging out with kids who see no future for themselves other than feeling good for the moment, and his dad is worse than useless as a co-parent. My son lives iwth his dad nearby so we see each other just about daily, and he knows how to play on my guilt over leaving him withhis dad (son was physically aggressive towards me and younger sister at the time we separated, and still hasn't accepted that he has to obey my house rules). I've been a stay at home mom for the past 20 years and have devoted myself to being the Perfect Mom, but I blew it by staying too long in an emotionally abusive marriage and letting my kids see my ex disrespect me. Now I'm trying to put my life back together at the same time I'm trying to save two emotionally damaged kids and a younger one who, thankfully, doesn't have a diagnosis. Yet. I know that 2:30 a.m. feeling well. You did a lot by setting boundaries and ground rules iwth your son: what you will and won't tolerate, and when you were tested, sticking to it. bravo! The last time my son laid a hand on me what whenhe was 13. I had a safety plan in place and as soon as he hit me between the shoulder blades, I picked up the phone and dialled 911. Four cop cars came, and we escorted my son to the hospital for evaluation. He wasn't admitted that time, but he never laid a hand on me again. Two years later he broke some lamps and pushed over my huge tv set and broke it. I called 911, he fled to his dad's, but he was arrested later and charged with disorderly conduct. He never touched my stuff again. It took him a year of probation to clear the charge from his record. It's very very hard to call the cops on your kid. Sometimes the authorities will be obnoxious to you for bothering them with minor stuff. But somehow the message has got to get through to the child that there is some behavior that will not be tolerated. You owe that to yourself and to any easy child's in your orbit. My youngest has suffered greatly from her older sibs' acting out, and I'm trying to give her some decent quality of life while she's still young enough to appreciate it. I'm moving soon and my two older ones are not coming with me, and it is a great relief. Stay strong. As a therapist one told me, you don't have to tolerate behavior that you find objectionable. The hard part is staying consistent with the inevitable testing. Glad your daughter is going to be okay. Man, you have been through the wringer lately. I hope you can find a little bit of "me" time to indulge yourself, even if it's something as small as a gourmet cupcake or locking yourself in the bathroom to read a magazine. Whatever works as a small pampering. [/QUOTE]
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