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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 108433" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome,</p><p></p><p>I have a very similar life to yours without the 2 added children. I got out, went back and rescued my son and figured once we were out - things would be able to be normal in a certain amount of time. </p><p></p><p>Of course I was willing to give it the first even the second year of acting out. Because well - Daddy was God. I even wondered how many times difficult child went to sleep and that sicko said it in his ears - because he used to say it out loud to everyone. It would get a chuckle - (not from me) Would have made more sense if the kid would have belted out Daddy is Satan - truer words. </p><p></p><p>So I got both of us into counseling. The first counselor I saw suggested that my son was molested. I left vowing never to come back, trying to pry into a 6 year old's brain as to did someone touch you in a bad place conversations. Nothing. Nothing but the most absurd behavior and I hate you's ever. I figured he was angry and missed his Dad. I knew he was better off. </p><p></p><p>That was 11 years ago. My son is still tremendously angry despite more interventions, doctors and therapy than I could list in a single post. If there was a book? I read it. If there was a parenting class? I signed up. If mental health had a speaker I was there listening for some clue that may help. Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, psychiatric hospital stays, nearly dying myself and I'm not amused. My health has taken a dive, I've packed on weight due to stress (about 100 lbs), my hair falls out, I can't think, - and difficult child is still difficult child. </p><p></p><p>The last pscyh we saw told me more in 5 years than I ever knew the rest of the years. That difficult child is who he is. He may be genetically predisposed to behave like his bio father despite me praying. Bio father is a sociopath and possible BiPolar (BP). Grandma was a BiPolar (BP) too. So there is a really good chance there is wiring I will never FIX = but, I can give him good skills and put tools in front of him to excel. You can't change the spots on a leopard. He is what he is. Bright or not - you could have a genius on your hands, but if he can't get his emotions in check - he's just an outrageous genius no one can live with. </p><p></p><p>As far as any recommendations? The best one I ever read in 11 years to explain why my kid is like he is - Maping by Wilton Helams, Ph.d. Altering the way a child of 5 thinks is a lot harder than you think. But if you work at it with a behavior therapist - and you and DF continue to attend family therapy to gain skills so you can cope - you have a chance. He is different - he had to adapt and adjust to things you thought he NEVER heard or saw - my son was never witness to the abuse on myself - I would take a beating like a man and never make a sound if difficult child was in the house which would make x more angrier and he'd step up the abuse. When difficult child went in to EMDR therapy - he told the psychologist ALL about how he felt when Mommy was being hit by Daddy. It was nothing short of the sickest feeling I've ever had and amazing at the same time. It changed my son - for life. And for all of his life - I've been trying to help him find "normal" and know what is and isn't a healthy relationship. </p><p></p><p>Whether he gets it at this point? Hard to say. I've done the ground work, laid a foundation for healthy thinking - and now we just have to sit back and hope that after he's done being a teenager we've replaced the bad way of thinking with positive thoughts and behaviors enough for them to STICK...into his adulthood. </p><p></p><p>Therapy will also help the other 2 little ones understand and come to terms with why you have to parent your oldest a little differently than you do them and will give them a chance to sound off about what they feel is fair. Resentment bottled up for long periods of time isn't healthy. Learning how to live with a brother that is different? Helps everyone. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for the days ahead. Good that you and hubby are on the same page = my DF and I have been together almost 8 years, and while we agree to disagree we've never had a fight either. It's a huge change after 13 years the other way. </p><p></p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 108433, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome, I have a very similar life to yours without the 2 added children. I got out, went back and rescued my son and figured once we were out - things would be able to be normal in a certain amount of time. Of course I was willing to give it the first even the second year of acting out. Because well - Daddy was God. I even wondered how many times difficult child went to sleep and that sicko said it in his ears - because he used to say it out loud to everyone. It would get a chuckle - (not from me) Would have made more sense if the kid would have belted out Daddy is Satan - truer words. So I got both of us into counseling. The first counselor I saw suggested that my son was molested. I left vowing never to come back, trying to pry into a 6 year old's brain as to did someone touch you in a bad place conversations. Nothing. Nothing but the most absurd behavior and I hate you's ever. I figured he was angry and missed his Dad. I knew he was better off. That was 11 years ago. My son is still tremendously angry despite more interventions, doctors and therapy than I could list in a single post. If there was a book? I read it. If there was a parenting class? I signed up. If mental health had a speaker I was there listening for some clue that may help. Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, psychiatric hospital stays, nearly dying myself and I'm not amused. My health has taken a dive, I've packed on weight due to stress (about 100 lbs), my hair falls out, I can't think, - and difficult child is still difficult child. The last pscyh we saw told me more in 5 years than I ever knew the rest of the years. That difficult child is who he is. He may be genetically predisposed to behave like his bio father despite me praying. Bio father is a sociopath and possible BiPolar (BP). Grandma was a BiPolar (BP) too. So there is a really good chance there is wiring I will never FIX = but, I can give him good skills and put tools in front of him to excel. You can't change the spots on a leopard. He is what he is. Bright or not - you could have a genius on your hands, but if he can't get his emotions in check - he's just an outrageous genius no one can live with. As far as any recommendations? The best one I ever read in 11 years to explain why my kid is like he is - Maping by Wilton Helams, Ph.d. Altering the way a child of 5 thinks is a lot harder than you think. But if you work at it with a behavior therapist - and you and DF continue to attend family therapy to gain skills so you can cope - you have a chance. He is different - he had to adapt and adjust to things you thought he NEVER heard or saw - my son was never witness to the abuse on myself - I would take a beating like a man and never make a sound if difficult child was in the house which would make x more angrier and he'd step up the abuse. When difficult child went in to EMDR therapy - he told the psychologist ALL about how he felt when Mommy was being hit by Daddy. It was nothing short of the sickest feeling I've ever had and amazing at the same time. It changed my son - for life. And for all of his life - I've been trying to help him find "normal" and know what is and isn't a healthy relationship. Whether he gets it at this point? Hard to say. I've done the ground work, laid a foundation for healthy thinking - and now we just have to sit back and hope that after he's done being a teenager we've replaced the bad way of thinking with positive thoughts and behaviors enough for them to STICK...into his adulthood. Therapy will also help the other 2 little ones understand and come to terms with why you have to parent your oldest a little differently than you do them and will give them a chance to sound off about what they feel is fair. Resentment bottled up for long periods of time isn't healthy. Learning how to live with a brother that is different? Helps everyone. Hugs for the days ahead. Good that you and hubby are on the same page = my DF and I have been together almost 8 years, and while we agree to disagree we've never had a fight either. It's a huge change after 13 years the other way. Star [/QUOTE]
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