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New here just need to vent
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 613307" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I think one of the things we need to learn, as parents of self-destructive adult kids, is that it is never going to feel like we are okay with whatever decision it is we have made regarding our kids. There are no solutions, because we cannot make them take their medications or stay away from drugs or booze or the wrong kind of people. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes, we cannot even make them sleep in a house. They seem to prefer the streets ~ or, like your son and my daughter, they have been blacklisted from even the fleabag places.</p><p></p><p>So, we are always dealing with the aftermath of some crisis not of our making. We have no control over what they do, but we feel responsible when they come to our doors beat up or hungry or destroyed in some other way. It is frustrating, because we love our kids and boy, they get themselves into some horrific situations. We are so desperate to make a difference for them that we begin devoting more and more time to trying to help them. But, because they are so unstable, nothing helps. Our lives become a desperate circle of advice and money and threats and recrimination. We stop sleeping; we find ourselves stretched so thin we just can't function ~ not in our private, and not in our professional lives.</p><p></p><p>That is why we need to learn the skills of detachment. </p><p></p><p>Detachment isn't going to help our children, or change our children. But it will help us survive what is happening to them.</p><p>I'm so sorry you are going through this, too. Posting about it helps so much, and I am glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>Others will be along, soon.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>P.S. The McCoy link at the bottoms of my posts discusses words and phrases to use with our adult children. It isn't a very long link, and you may find something helpful to you there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 613307, member: 1721"] I think one of the things we need to learn, as parents of self-destructive adult kids, is that it is never going to feel like we are okay with whatever decision it is we have made regarding our kids. There are no solutions, because we cannot make them take their medications or stay away from drugs or booze or the wrong kind of people. Sometimes, we cannot even make them sleep in a house. They seem to prefer the streets ~ or, like your son and my daughter, they have been blacklisted from even the fleabag places. So, we are always dealing with the aftermath of some crisis not of our making. We have no control over what they do, but we feel responsible when they come to our doors beat up or hungry or destroyed in some other way. It is frustrating, because we love our kids and boy, they get themselves into some horrific situations. We are so desperate to make a difference for them that we begin devoting more and more time to trying to help them. But, because they are so unstable, nothing helps. Our lives become a desperate circle of advice and money and threats and recrimination. We stop sleeping; we find ourselves stretched so thin we just can't function ~ not in our private, and not in our professional lives. That is why we need to learn the skills of detachment. Detachment isn't going to help our children, or change our children. But it will help us survive what is happening to them. I'm so sorry you are going through this, too. Posting about it helps so much, and I am glad you found us. Others will be along, soon. Cedar P.S. The McCoy link at the bottoms of my posts discusses words and phrases to use with our adult children. It isn't a very long link, and you may find something helpful to you there. [/QUOTE]
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