Hello all - just want to say hi. I just found this site yesterday and having trouble turning comp off!! This site is amazing. Ive been reading all the post waiting patiently to be registered. What a warm bunch of survivors, I was so touched by the level of support given here. Some of the posts brought me to tears. (doesn't take much these days) I'll tell you a little bit about my wonderful life. Try to keep it as brief as possible, though very hard because I can talk. (or should I say whine) I have mastered whining an can throw a pretty amazing pity party. My hell began years ago. Though never thought it would get this bad. Im still very much in the "Why me" stage. Im very very angry at the world, dont like happy people much especially the proud parents of those sweet wonderful "perfet children". My poor beautiful daughter suffers daily as do I and all of you I'm sure. She is currently in her 3rd Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she ran away 13 times from her last one, so now the courts placed her out of state. I love the facility and her therapist as well. She is a very angry child and in constant emotional turmoil. I had a very bad visit with her on Monday (Which prompted me to find all of you) She is now cutting which she has never done before. She looked so bad all I could do was sob and hold her as she begged me to take her home. To ice the cake her therapist has told me that on top of the bipolar diagnosis , which I thought was bad enough, now I have to wrap my brain around conduct disorder (what fun). Now for the cherry on top, I also found out that while on one of her awols about a year ago she either was raped or traded sex for money. Dont know the details and quite frankly dont want to. Cant bear it. This is killing me, I cant stop crying, I sleep as much as I can and spend every waking moment in absolute agony. My poor baby girl. So in a nut shell I get up and breath everyday just because my body keeps working, cant understand how but it does. This has suffocated me for so long I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im just waiting for my daughter and I to get to heaven, so that I can actually see that beautiful smile of hers and know that its genuine. How pathetic - huh? Then I have this wonderful 6 yo boy - who is absolutely amazing - who loves me to death - he makes me smile everyday. It is so not fair to him to have to watch me in my mysery daily. So I know what your thinking - count the blessings I do have and enjoy my son. Your right - I know. Its not easy. Well I told you it would hard for me to keep it brief. Thanks for reading and would love any advise offered. God bless all.