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new here... long but opinions wanted
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 103279" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome, </p><p></p><p>My son at age 5 was also "gifted". I worked with him at home as much as possible with colors, shapes, numbers. He talked at 7 months old and by 1 year he was forming 3-4 word sentences. I refused to have him tested. I wasn't sure I wanted to know just how smart he was. </p><p></p><p>When he hit kindergarten it was pretty mild. He was ahead of most of the other children and did get a little bored and fidgity, but for the most part there was enough stimulation in the class for him to keep occupied. First grade he was a little chatty, but not ugly. He had a teacher that was back from maternity leave and had twins, a cheating husband, no money and suffered from lack of experience, and PPD after birth. </p><p></p><p>He was taken by his biofather and abused during the last half of second grade. And after that he was the most difficult child ever. He couldn't sit still, he would rage, he would trash personal property, his mouth would have made a sailor pale. I lost a terrific job (40k) year because of the schools inability to do what I had WASTED countless hours writing ideas and speaking to them about. </p><p></p><p>His second grade teacher however was a GEM in a box of very unpolished rocks. She was in her own right - an outcast. At nearly 500 lbs. she had to have special "everything" so maybe it was that reason that let her be more understanding and tolerant (NOT a pushover) of my son. </p><p></p><p>She very clearly set the limits with him. There were no dumb beads on the desk or clothespins taken away for behavior. She said "No one in life takes your chips, or clothespins or beads away for misbehaving I'm not going to do that in here." Her classroom was MAGICAL. You walked in and it was just so cool. So many things to inspire young minds- not sterile. It made you want to stay in there and get the rewards that she offered for good behavior. She would rock the kids in her special wooden rocker reinforced for her weight, hugs all day long - just tons and tons of praise. My son is a praise junkie if you know how to do it properly. Just praising all the time is hapless. </p><p></p><p>When my son wasn't able to stay at his desk - she offered him choices - when he wasn't able to make a decision she would then reaffirm the consequence, then add the reward of making the choice. Much like Marg said about the coats. When he absolutely would say "I'm not going to either desk, THEN he was given the consequence. Sometimes it was taking away his recess time. It was soon discovered that he LIKED skipping recess to stay in her room and the consequences were modified. She never told him he COULD NOT stay in with her - it just wasn't a punishment any longer. </p><p></p><p>When he would finish his work ahead of the other children - it was checked then and there. When his paper was 100% she gave him a new puzzle to work on, and a desk ALL to himself in a corner of the class to do it at WITH headphones that had hooked on phonics playing. </p><p></p><p>Immediate and short term punishments work best. If he did feel the urge to rage they had a code worked out and he would grab the hall pass and travel down the hall to the "gym" (a room with mats on the wall) or he would have to stand in the corner but ONLY until he could get himself together. There was no time limit on the "THINKING" corner. It wasn't punitive as much as it was creative- You need to go THERE and think, it's like the place you go to think QUIETLY. When he couldn't be quiet she would get him by the hand and lead him up onto her lap for a rock again saying "When you choose to be quiet you can go back to your desk OR to the thinking corner." He really got into the PUZZLE DESK for HIM ONLY thing -he still talks about it today and used puzzling in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as an outlet for anger. </p><p></p><p>I think a few more years in her class would have made a lifetime of learning greater and better. She was a true teacher. Unfortunately for us - my x got into the scene and ruined a little life. By the time we got him back and safe - the damage was done and it's been 11 years trying to help him help himself. </p><p></p><p>The best thing I can advise to you at this point, and probably sound like a broken record to newbies - is therapy. NOT just for her - but for you and your husband too. If you don't know how to "play the game" you aren't going to be good opponents unless you can find a way to "one up" her, and cut across her behavioral playing field. I liken the therapist to a coach. He's going to have strategies, a game plan, and you and hubby are going to have to think like never before in order to help her win. </p><p></p><p>Without someone coaching your team - I predict utter chaos. This isn't something to be ashamed of, and actually most people find that going to someone and talking about the "YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR HOUSE." is healthy. Nothing gets solved with people who don't have a clue - your preschool is clueless and has no game plan with her. A therapist - would. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Best of luck </p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>Oh and by the way - the principal that told you that tantrums are tolerated somewhere; has never had the pleasure of dealing with a child that has a DISABILITY. My standard comment when I heard that one for the first time was "MY GOD - I bet you expect kids in wheelchairs to navigate stairs and blind children to just sit quietly and listen to the other students!" My son isn't spoiled, he isn't bad - he's disabled, but NOT as badly as you for not having tolerance for someone with an invisible disability." (She's the kind that look at those people with the blue or red handicapped tags in the handicapped spots and say "I don't see a disability - they are faking getting a closer parking spot, and of course she would KNOW more than a doctor that did the paperwork to ISSUE that tag FOR the person who if given a choice would park farther away and walk.) Baboon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 103279, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome, My son at age 5 was also "gifted". I worked with him at home as much as possible with colors, shapes, numbers. He talked at 7 months old and by 1 year he was forming 3-4 word sentences. I refused to have him tested. I wasn't sure I wanted to know just how smart he was. When he hit kindergarten it was pretty mild. He was ahead of most of the other children and did get a little bored and fidgity, but for the most part there was enough stimulation in the class for him to keep occupied. First grade he was a little chatty, but not ugly. He had a teacher that was back from maternity leave and had twins, a cheating husband, no money and suffered from lack of experience, and PPD after birth. He was taken by his biofather and abused during the last half of second grade. And after that he was the most difficult child ever. He couldn't sit still, he would rage, he would trash personal property, his mouth would have made a sailor pale. I lost a terrific job (40k) year because of the schools inability to do what I had WASTED countless hours writing ideas and speaking to them about. His second grade teacher however was a GEM in a box of very unpolished rocks. She was in her own right - an outcast. At nearly 500 lbs. she had to have special "everything" so maybe it was that reason that let her be more understanding and tolerant (NOT a pushover) of my son. She very clearly set the limits with him. There were no dumb beads on the desk or clothespins taken away for behavior. She said "No one in life takes your chips, or clothespins or beads away for misbehaving I'm not going to do that in here." Her classroom was MAGICAL. You walked in and it was just so cool. So many things to inspire young minds- not sterile. It made you want to stay in there and get the rewards that she offered for good behavior. She would rock the kids in her special wooden rocker reinforced for her weight, hugs all day long - just tons and tons of praise. My son is a praise junkie if you know how to do it properly. Just praising all the time is hapless. When my son wasn't able to stay at his desk - she offered him choices - when he wasn't able to make a decision she would then reaffirm the consequence, then add the reward of making the choice. Much like Marg said about the coats. When he absolutely would say "I'm not going to either desk, THEN he was given the consequence. Sometimes it was taking away his recess time. It was soon discovered that he LIKED skipping recess to stay in her room and the consequences were modified. She never told him he COULD NOT stay in with her - it just wasn't a punishment any longer. When he would finish his work ahead of the other children - it was checked then and there. When his paper was 100% she gave him a new puzzle to work on, and a desk ALL to himself in a corner of the class to do it at WITH headphones that had hooked on phonics playing. Immediate and short term punishments work best. If he did feel the urge to rage they had a code worked out and he would grab the hall pass and travel down the hall to the "gym" (a room with mats on the wall) or he would have to stand in the corner but ONLY until he could get himself together. There was no time limit on the "THINKING" corner. It wasn't punitive as much as it was creative- You need to go THERE and think, it's like the place you go to think QUIETLY. When he couldn't be quiet she would get him by the hand and lead him up onto her lap for a rock again saying "When you choose to be quiet you can go back to your desk OR to the thinking corner." He really got into the PUZZLE DESK for HIM ONLY thing -he still talks about it today and used puzzling in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as an outlet for anger. I think a few more years in her class would have made a lifetime of learning greater and better. She was a true teacher. Unfortunately for us - my x got into the scene and ruined a little life. By the time we got him back and safe - the damage was done and it's been 11 years trying to help him help himself. The best thing I can advise to you at this point, and probably sound like a broken record to newbies - is therapy. NOT just for her - but for you and your husband too. If you don't know how to "play the game" you aren't going to be good opponents unless you can find a way to "one up" her, and cut across her behavioral playing field. I liken the therapist to a coach. He's going to have strategies, a game plan, and you and hubby are going to have to think like never before in order to help her win. Without someone coaching your team - I predict utter chaos. This isn't something to be ashamed of, and actually most people find that going to someone and talking about the "YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR HOUSE." is healthy. Nothing gets solved with people who don't have a clue - your preschool is clueless and has no game plan with her. A therapist - would. Hugs Best of luck Star Oh and by the way - the principal that told you that tantrums are tolerated somewhere; has never had the pleasure of dealing with a child that has a DISABILITY. My standard comment when I heard that one for the first time was "MY GOD - I bet you expect kids in wheelchairs to navigate stairs and blind children to just sit quietly and listen to the other students!" My son isn't spoiled, he isn't bad - he's disabled, but NOT as badly as you for not having tolerance for someone with an invisible disability." (She's the kind that look at those people with the blue or red handicapped tags in the handicapped spots and say "I don't see a disability - they are faking getting a closer parking spot, and of course she would KNOW more than a doctor that did the paperwork to ISSUE that tag FOR the person who if given a choice would park farther away and walk.) Baboon. [/QUOTE]
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