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new here... long but opinions wanted
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 103354"><p>Hi there and welcome to the board.</p><p></p><p>I'm with BBK on this...if she was punished at school for her behavior at school then that should be it. Our children are not being bad for the sake of being bad. They don't have the capacity to handle stressors the way we expect neurotypical kids to. As parents, we have to guide them in that process. Punishment for something the child has little control over is going to backfire, in my opinion. Instead of making the child feel even worse - because in my experience they already feel bad enough after the fact - it is our job to identify triggers and then help the child learn to identify and cope with those things.</p><p></p><p>I also highly recommend The Explosive Child. It explains (much better than I could) what I was attempting to explain above.</p><p></p><p>As far as not letting her pick out her own clothes as punishment, if she has Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) I would be totally against that. That is asking a child who is already struggling to hold it together to possibly wear something that is going to be the equivalent of a thorn in the side for an entire day AND be expected to maintain behavior. That is setting her up for failure. My easy child has some minor Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) issues and if I made him wear what I wanted him to wear, we would have explosions here and he's 16. He's very particular about how things fit and feel. Both of my kids are. With both of my kids, there is only one detergent and one fabric softener that can be used on their clothes. In fact, we made a late night run to the store Saturday night because I had gotten a different fabric softener (they were out of what I usually buy) and easy child couldn't stand the way his clothes felt. It's a very real, albeit hard to understand, disorder.</p><p></p><p>I understand where your husband is coming from. My knee jerk reaction, even after years of doing this and learning what I have, is to do the same kinds of things. Years of experience has taught me that with our kids, it just isn't effective at best and backfires at worst.</p><p></p><p>I also recommend sending a certified letter to the school asking them to evaluate your child for an IEP. There is more info on this on the SpEd forum. Sheila and Martie there can help guide you in the right direction. One of the things it does is provide protection for your child when it comes to behavior/discipline issues that arise. Again, Sheila and Martie can answer those questions for you. My difficult child didn't act out at school. Rather she shut down; turned inward. </p><p></p><p>The principal at your daughter's school is an idiot, and arrogant, but unfortunately we've all come across many staff members like that with our kids. They're not all that way. They just ruin it for the rest of them, you know?</p><p></p><p>Good luck! We're here anytime you need an ear. Welcome, again. :flower:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 103354"] Hi there and welcome to the board. I'm with BBK on this...if she was punished at school for her behavior at school then that should be it. Our children are not being bad for the sake of being bad. They don't have the capacity to handle stressors the way we expect neurotypical kids to. As parents, we have to guide them in that process. Punishment for something the child has little control over is going to backfire, in my opinion. Instead of making the child feel even worse - because in my experience they already feel bad enough after the fact - it is our job to identify triggers and then help the child learn to identify and cope with those things. I also highly recommend The Explosive Child. It explains (much better than I could) what I was attempting to explain above. As far as not letting her pick out her own clothes as punishment, if she has Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) I would be totally against that. That is asking a child who is already struggling to hold it together to possibly wear something that is going to be the equivalent of a thorn in the side for an entire day AND be expected to maintain behavior. That is setting her up for failure. My easy child has some minor Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) issues and if I made him wear what I wanted him to wear, we would have explosions here and he's 16. He's very particular about how things fit and feel. Both of my kids are. With both of my kids, there is only one detergent and one fabric softener that can be used on their clothes. In fact, we made a late night run to the store Saturday night because I had gotten a different fabric softener (they were out of what I usually buy) and easy child couldn't stand the way his clothes felt. It's a very real, albeit hard to understand, disorder. I understand where your husband is coming from. My knee jerk reaction, even after years of doing this and learning what I have, is to do the same kinds of things. Years of experience has taught me that with our kids, it just isn't effective at best and backfires at worst. I also recommend sending a certified letter to the school asking them to evaluate your child for an IEP. There is more info on this on the SpEd forum. Sheila and Martie there can help guide you in the right direction. One of the things it does is provide protection for your child when it comes to behavior/discipline issues that arise. Again, Sheila and Martie can answer those questions for you. My difficult child didn't act out at school. Rather she shut down; turned inward. The principal at your daughter's school is an idiot, and arrogant, but unfortunately we've all come across many staff members like that with our kids. They're not all that way. They just ruin it for the rest of them, you know? Good luck! We're here anytime you need an ear. Welcome, again. [img]:flower:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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