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new here... long but opinions wanted
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<blockquote data-quote="trsturself" data-source="post: 103376" data-attributes="member: 4386"><p>Ok... here's what happened last night. husband got home and talked to difficult child about what happened. At first she kept saying she didn't know what happened. husband said, when you're ready to talk about it, come get me. Eventually she came out and told us what happened. Then she told husband that she threw the fit trying to get put in a new class. Thanks daycare for showing her that if you make enough trouble you get to get out of a place you don't like! </p><p>In this case since she said she did the act on purpose, she was grounded from TV for the week. </p><p>We also had a long conversation and some role-playing about situations that can happen and good ways to handle them. She was cracking up watching husband pretend to throw a fit. :smile:</p><p>I was very proud of husband. He stayed calm and caring throughout the conversation and tried to give her other options for her choice of behavior. Yes, that is assuming it is within her control. No, I'm not sure if it is or not. The main goal of mine in getting her diagnosis is to know whether or not she can control the outbursts. That way husband and teachers will be more patient with it if she can't. We have seen an improvement at home since calming ourselves and being making sure we are firm and consistent.</p><p></p><p>Her triggers can be as simple as asking her if she's hungry. instead of a simple "no thanks" her reaction is more inline with us forcing food into her mouth. It's as though she thinks we can see her thoughts and when we act opposite them it puts her into an emotional frenzy. We're working on getting her to use her words and explain things to people without jumping off the deep end immediately. We have made significant progress at home, but I have a feeling they just start threatening her and/or sending her to the principals office immediately instead of helping her calm down and use her words. It's like dealing with a 3 year old except that when she does use her words you get a paragraph about what she wants and how she feels. lol</p><p></p><p>Food... she's not that picky with food so I wasn't worried about the meal. I just wish the daycare would've told me that no outside food was allowed so she wouldn't have thought she could have it. We will most likely eat at home before we go, and she can have snack on some fruit there if she's still hungry. </p><p></p><p>Clothing... i'm big on giving control of stuff like this to the kid. she's been picking out her own clothes since she was old enough to grab. As for the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) part of it... all of her clothes are ones that she can wear. I would never force her to wear something that bothered her. I pick out her clothes when she is grounded from TV simply because I let her sleep in the extra 30 minutes and get her dressed at daycare before we go in (putting the clothes on the heater on the drive over so they're nice and warm when we get there is always a good incentive). </p><p>I just didn't feel like it was a good punishment because it had no correlation to her behavior. I think logical punishments work best, or if none available then a privledge taken away. Picking out your clothes isn't something I consider a privledge, so taking it away without a direct correlation to misbehaving seems silly to me. Now if she had purposefully destroyed her clothing or something like that, it would make more sense to have clothing be involved in the consequence. </p><p></p><p>school... She gets a new teacher tomorrow that has a lot more experience (according to the principal so you know how much weight I give that). Hopefully that will help things. The other big thing is that she thinks she doesn't have any friends at school (some of the kids like her but she doesn't feel like it). Having someone outside of family that likes you is so important. She has a good friend from her old school that we try to see as often as we can, but it would be so nice for her to have a friend like that at school. I think it really helps her handle all the other stuff of the day. Not having friends just adds stress and makes her not care about anything. </p><p></p><p>I'm sure there's more topics I was going to reply to but I've forgotten them by now - besides this is long enough.</p><p>Thanks all for your replies!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Ah yes... I meant to mention that my mom has her masters in special education and was a resource teacher for years (currently teaching a 4-5 combo). she knows the system and says a diagnosis is good but to keep her from being labeled as Special Education. </p><p></p><p>The Explosive Child... sounds good. Someone on here wrote a great summary of the ideas presented in the book and it sounds a lot like what we've figured out through trial and error. Biggest problem is getting husband to change his way of thinking. He grew up with a barely tolerant father who used physical punishments and a cowardly mom that catered to the men's (husband, father in law, brother in law) every need. He's come a long way from that! I'm very proud of him, just wish he was a reader so he could get the same info I do with-out it seeming like I know more than him or am nagging him. </p><p>I'm hoping for diagnosis so I can convince him that his ideas are good for a easy child but not difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trsturself, post: 103376, member: 4386"] Ok... here's what happened last night. husband got home and talked to difficult child about what happened. At first she kept saying she didn't know what happened. husband said, when you're ready to talk about it, come get me. Eventually she came out and told us what happened. Then she told husband that she threw the fit trying to get put in a new class. Thanks daycare for showing her that if you make enough trouble you get to get out of a place you don't like! In this case since she said she did the act on purpose, she was grounded from TV for the week. We also had a long conversation and some role-playing about situations that can happen and good ways to handle them. She was cracking up watching husband pretend to throw a fit. [img]:smile:[/img] I was very proud of husband. He stayed calm and caring throughout the conversation and tried to give her other options for her choice of behavior. Yes, that is assuming it is within her control. No, I'm not sure if it is or not. The main goal of mine in getting her diagnosis is to know whether or not she can control the outbursts. That way husband and teachers will be more patient with it if she can't. We have seen an improvement at home since calming ourselves and being making sure we are firm and consistent. Her triggers can be as simple as asking her if she's hungry. instead of a simple "no thanks" her reaction is more inline with us forcing food into her mouth. It's as though she thinks we can see her thoughts and when we act opposite them it puts her into an emotional frenzy. We're working on getting her to use her words and explain things to people without jumping off the deep end immediately. We have made significant progress at home, but I have a feeling they just start threatening her and/or sending her to the principals office immediately instead of helping her calm down and use her words. It's like dealing with a 3 year old except that when she does use her words you get a paragraph about what she wants and how she feels. lol Food... she's not that picky with food so I wasn't worried about the meal. I just wish the daycare would've told me that no outside food was allowed so she wouldn't have thought she could have it. We will most likely eat at home before we go, and she can have snack on some fruit there if she's still hungry. Clothing... i'm big on giving control of stuff like this to the kid. she's been picking out her own clothes since she was old enough to grab. As for the Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) part of it... all of her clothes are ones that she can wear. I would never force her to wear something that bothered her. I pick out her clothes when she is grounded from TV simply because I let her sleep in the extra 30 minutes and get her dressed at daycare before we go in (putting the clothes on the heater on the drive over so they're nice and warm when we get there is always a good incentive). I just didn't feel like it was a good punishment because it had no correlation to her behavior. I think logical punishments work best, or if none available then a privledge taken away. Picking out your clothes isn't something I consider a privledge, so taking it away without a direct correlation to misbehaving seems silly to me. Now if she had purposefully destroyed her clothing or something like that, it would make more sense to have clothing be involved in the consequence. school... She gets a new teacher tomorrow that has a lot more experience (according to the principal so you know how much weight I give that). Hopefully that will help things. The other big thing is that she thinks she doesn't have any friends at school (some of the kids like her but she doesn't feel like it). Having someone outside of family that likes you is so important. She has a good friend from her old school that we try to see as often as we can, but it would be so nice for her to have a friend like that at school. I think it really helps her handle all the other stuff of the day. Not having friends just adds stress and makes her not care about anything. I'm sure there's more topics I was going to reply to but I've forgotten them by now - besides this is long enough. Thanks all for your replies! Ah yes... I meant to mention that my mom has her masters in special education and was a resource teacher for years (currently teaching a 4-5 combo). she knows the system and says a diagnosis is good but to keep her from being labeled as Special Education. The Explosive Child... sounds good. Someone on here wrote a great summary of the ideas presented in the book and it sounds a lot like what we've figured out through trial and error. Biggest problem is getting husband to change his way of thinking. He grew up with a barely tolerant father who used physical punishments and a cowardly mom that catered to the men's (husband, father in law, brother in law) every need. He's come a long way from that! I'm very proud of him, just wish he was a reader so he could get the same info I do with-out it seeming like I know more than him or am nagging him. I'm hoping for diagnosis so I can convince him that his ideas are good for a easy child but not difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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