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New here-My 19 yo old son moved out-I'm heartbroken & scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 457302" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Just my thought? </p><p></p><p>If you LET a manipulative child see your feelings and emotion? You can bet most will easily assume they own you. </p><p></p><p>Everytime in my life that someone has been less than kind no matter what to me? It's a brick in my wall between me and them. I ask myself HOW many times do you walk away and come back before the last brick in your wall hits you hard enough in the head to either stay away from the wall or get a hard hat. </p><p></p><p>Get yourself a book called TOUGH LOVE.....and learn the 101 techniques archived here on how to detach. - HELPS a bunch to picture all of the wise women here standing behind you when you do make those "mommy" heart decisions thinking you've done the best thing for the child......and in your mind you can picture the women here shaking their heads, throwing up their hands, rolling their eyes, bonking themselves on the head with imaginary hammers.....Really makes you more wise and teaches you to think with your head, not your heart. </p><p></p><p>Your letter? Wishy-washy. I miss you, if you change YOUR mind, I'm here waiting on YOU.....(why are you ? He broke your rules, he could have gotten you arrested, lost your car, home) and now you're rolling out the proverbial welcome mat....out of this YOU think....if I am kind, and loving and tell him just forget the pot? There is ALWAYS home - we love you, I miss you, I'll never stop - NEVER EVER.....You broke my heart, but still I am keeping a light on for you. </p><p></p><p>PHOOEY ------He was WRONG - and you're still apologizing. KNOCK THAT OFF. Get tough.......and be a concrete statue outside for him with a Mother's heart inside for you - and NEVER EVER let him see you sweat. </p><p></p><p>OH and then you go on to say you didn't want to inflame this any further.......INFLAME WHAT? Where is his HUGE apology? Okay - he's not living like you want him to....he moved out, he said he'll take care of himself. LET HIM SEE IF HE CAN........becuase if you're there to always pick him up? He's NEVER really going to depend on himself and always knows no matter how badly he messes up - "IT WILL BE OKAY, WE WILL FIX IT," </p><p></p><p>again - PHOOEY. HE messed up........HE FIXES IT.......YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. END OF STORY. And I say this with respect and love because these were the same words that were spoken to me (just not about pot) regarding my son.....and yup.....made me mad as blazes, but you know what? The more I bend? The more he bent me. The harder and steadfast I stood against how I WILL NOT BE TREATED? The less BS I have in my life, the more BS he creates for himself in his life - IF HE CHOOSES - he has CHOICES - , and eventually it will come around to bite him so hard - that he MAY JUST wake up and get his head out of his kiester. If not? I'm none the worse for wear because I'm not going through any more days like this - again. I dont' deserve it......I don't want it......I WILL NOT TOLERATE it.....I love my son, and I love my peace and quiet. Nothing changes that unless I allow it to. And if I allow it to? I do him NO FAVORS whatsoever on the fine art of growing up and becoming a man dependent on HIMSELF.......not me. </p><p></p><p>Keep the 2 pager.......fold it up, tuck it away, date it.....and in about two months read what you wrote. Then take out anything that says I feel, I need, (all your I statements) and emotion - and you'll have a danged near perfect reply for this BS. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 457302, member: 4964"] Just my thought? If you LET a manipulative child see your feelings and emotion? You can bet most will easily assume they own you. Everytime in my life that someone has been less than kind no matter what to me? It's a brick in my wall between me and them. I ask myself HOW many times do you walk away and come back before the last brick in your wall hits you hard enough in the head to either stay away from the wall or get a hard hat. Get yourself a book called TOUGH LOVE.....and learn the 101 techniques archived here on how to detach. - HELPS a bunch to picture all of the wise women here standing behind you when you do make those "mommy" heart decisions thinking you've done the best thing for the child......and in your mind you can picture the women here shaking their heads, throwing up their hands, rolling their eyes, bonking themselves on the head with imaginary hammers.....Really makes you more wise and teaches you to think with your head, not your heart. Your letter? Wishy-washy. I miss you, if you change YOUR mind, I'm here waiting on YOU.....(why are you ? He broke your rules, he could have gotten you arrested, lost your car, home) and now you're rolling out the proverbial welcome mat....out of this YOU think....if I am kind, and loving and tell him just forget the pot? There is ALWAYS home - we love you, I miss you, I'll never stop - NEVER EVER.....You broke my heart, but still I am keeping a light on for you. PHOOEY ------He was WRONG - and you're still apologizing. KNOCK THAT OFF. Get tough.......and be a concrete statue outside for him with a Mother's heart inside for you - and NEVER EVER let him see you sweat. OH and then you go on to say you didn't want to inflame this any further.......INFLAME WHAT? Where is his HUGE apology? Okay - he's not living like you want him to....he moved out, he said he'll take care of himself. LET HIM SEE IF HE CAN........becuase if you're there to always pick him up? He's NEVER really going to depend on himself and always knows no matter how badly he messes up - "IT WILL BE OKAY, WE WILL FIX IT," again - PHOOEY. HE messed up........HE FIXES IT.......YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. END OF STORY. And I say this with respect and love because these were the same words that were spoken to me (just not about pot) regarding my son.....and yup.....made me mad as blazes, but you know what? The more I bend? The more he bent me. The harder and steadfast I stood against how I WILL NOT BE TREATED? The less BS I have in my life, the more BS he creates for himself in his life - IF HE CHOOSES - he has CHOICES - , and eventually it will come around to bite him so hard - that he MAY JUST wake up and get his head out of his kiester. If not? I'm none the worse for wear because I'm not going through any more days like this - again. I dont' deserve it......I don't want it......I WILL NOT TOLERATE it.....I love my son, and I love my peace and quiet. Nothing changes that unless I allow it to. And if I allow it to? I do him NO FAVORS whatsoever on the fine art of growing up and becoming a man dependent on HIMSELF.......not me. Keep the 2 pager.......fold it up, tuck it away, date it.....and in about two months read what you wrote. Then take out anything that says I feel, I need, (all your I statements) and emotion - and you'll have a danged near perfect reply for this BS. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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New here-My 19 yo old son moved out-I'm heartbroken & scared.
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