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New here-My 19 yo old son moved out-I'm heartbroken & scared.
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 457323"><p>Star - I am not sure if I should punch you or open a bottle of wine and toast to you. </p><p></p><p>I am not quite there yet. This was probably the only communication I will have with my son before he is 400 miles away. He is heading for a fall - gotcha - but he isn't there yet. This was a last ditch effort to try to make him stop and think BEFORE he completes this act of rebellion. I know it's likely fruitless but I had to extend the lifeline. We had a really great relationship until June 2011, yes we had a few bumpy weeks when he was 16 (08) - but we spent a lot of time in counseling and he never gave us ANY trouble until this summer. Even this summer he was mostly OK if not a bit snide, he worked 50 hours a week and came home when he said he would.</p><p></p><p>My home and my car were never at risk. He came home stoned (not driving) on June 1 and failed a drug test. The only drug test he has ever failed in the past 34 months of regular testing. And he admitted to being stoned. He wasn't driving and he didn't bring a stash home. Trust me, I searched his room and his things OFTEN -and I found plenty of things I wasn't meant to see (and am trying to unsee)- but nothing drug or substance related.</p><p></p><p>He is trying to justify this by placing the blame on me. He texted most of his friends that his parents had forced him out because we are jerks. That's not the case. I needed to reiterate that this is HIS choice to leave. I am hoping to shake loose the part of his brain that responded to counseling. I am not rejecting him (yet) but I am drawing the line on a lifestyle that includes drugs and lying. He wants to claim his adulthood so he can smoke pot - not because we smother him. I get it. I know he is dying to succeed this semester to prove us wrong and nothing would make me happier than for him to be a success. I get what you are saying and if necessary, I will get there. But I needed - one last time - to let him know that we are not his problem. And I guess when he gets into trouble, I hope he calls us first. We have his best interests at heart and I pray he doesn't get too deeply into a situation of compounding errors. That was the point of drawing this line in the sand. Let him try it own his own and hopefully he will come to the realization that he screwed up.</p><p></p><p>Just needed to give him a chance one last time before he leaves and it gets too far. I know it's his choice to take it too far and I won't stop him by caving in.</p><p></p><p>And I hope he or his girlfriend let me know that he is alive once in a while. Otherwise, I will jump whenever the phone rings.</p><p></p><p>I pray he comes around before any permanent damage is done. I'm not ready to give up hope but I am trying to be realistic and proactive. If he comes home-he goes into therapy period. No drugs verified by regular drug testing. If he can't abide that condition, he cannot come home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 457323"] Star - I am not sure if I should punch you or open a bottle of wine and toast to you. I am not quite there yet. This was probably the only communication I will have with my son before he is 400 miles away. He is heading for a fall - gotcha - but he isn't there yet. This was a last ditch effort to try to make him stop and think BEFORE he completes this act of rebellion. I know it's likely fruitless but I had to extend the lifeline. We had a really great relationship until June 2011, yes we had a few bumpy weeks when he was 16 (08) - but we spent a lot of time in counseling and he never gave us ANY trouble until this summer. Even this summer he was mostly OK if not a bit snide, he worked 50 hours a week and came home when he said he would. My home and my car were never at risk. He came home stoned (not driving) on June 1 and failed a drug test. The only drug test he has ever failed in the past 34 months of regular testing. And he admitted to being stoned. He wasn't driving and he didn't bring a stash home. Trust me, I searched his room and his things OFTEN -and I found plenty of things I wasn't meant to see (and am trying to unsee)- but nothing drug or substance related. He is trying to justify this by placing the blame on me. He texted most of his friends that his parents had forced him out because we are jerks. That's not the case. I needed to reiterate that this is HIS choice to leave. I am hoping to shake loose the part of his brain that responded to counseling. I am not rejecting him (yet) but I am drawing the line on a lifestyle that includes drugs and lying. He wants to claim his adulthood so he can smoke pot - not because we smother him. I get it. I know he is dying to succeed this semester to prove us wrong and nothing would make me happier than for him to be a success. I get what you are saying and if necessary, I will get there. But I needed - one last time - to let him know that we are not his problem. And I guess when he gets into trouble, I hope he calls us first. We have his best interests at heart and I pray he doesn't get too deeply into a situation of compounding errors. That was the point of drawing this line in the sand. Let him try it own his own and hopefully he will come to the realization that he screwed up. Just needed to give him a chance one last time before he leaves and it gets too far. I know it's his choice to take it too far and I won't stop him by caving in. And I hope he or his girlfriend let me know that he is alive once in a while. Otherwise, I will jump whenever the phone rings. I pray he comes around before any permanent damage is done. I'm not ready to give up hope but I am trying to be realistic and proactive. If he comes home-he goes into therapy period. No drugs verified by regular drug testing. If he can't abide that condition, he cannot come home. [/QUOTE]
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New here-My 19 yo old son moved out-I'm heartbroken & scared.
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