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New here: need advice on what to do with 18 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 531645" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>MWM, again, I am happy that the solution you chose worked for your daughter and your family. </p><p></p><p>But it may not work for someone else. I wish miracle solutions exist, but they unfortunately don't exist.</p><p></p><p>In the mean time, let give all the solution who exist, and it's up to the family to choose which solution is right for them. </p><p>To have been there done that, thought love is something we have to be very careful with, as it worsens the situation more often than not. So I think we have to use it at homeopathic dose. </p><p>We can make a person change without thought love and without enabling her. It exists, and it may work where everything else failed. </p><p></p><p>I also forgot to mention intervention, like <a href="http://www.lovefirst.net" target="_blank">here</a>. I will put this solution in place for my father's substance abuse, as any other solution did not work. I cannot drag him to the doctor, threats even followed worsen the situation, kicking him out of my life was a short relief long grief solution. </p><p>I sent my dad to a medical exam for his license, it was a slight beginning but it's only a band on a wooden leg. It is only a beginning, I cannot rely only on it. </p><p>So I need to try something else, and I can only hope that it will be the right solution for him and for us. After all, he does not expect love, he expects only blame for his difficult child behavior.</p><p>I do it because I love my father unconditionnally. He is my father, he tried and failed, he was blamed by his wife, mom, doctors, psychologists...., so yes, I keep up because I don't conceive to give up. He received a lot of blame, yet it didn't make him change. Other solutions exist, we will find the right one. </p><p>Simply put, as mom taught me, simply changing my own perspective can lead to the biggest and most lasting changes. I could change because by changing perspective and working one step at time, we could lead to the biggest and most lasting changes. </p><p>I can only do the same and I already see a more peaceful relationship with dad. It also helped with detachment, as dumb as it seems.</p><p></p><p>See, MWM, I didn't know the solution of intervention before reading here. I thought that I exhausted all the solutions available. I didn't exhausted everything, so yes, I keep hope to lead some change on this with dad. </p><p>It won't be easy, but I keep hope. </p><p>I am waiting for my sister to be back home and in the mean time, I prepare my idea. </p><p>If I give up, everyone gives up in this family. </p><p></p><p>I try to react on the same way with another family coming here. </p><p>I also work on inform and let choose a lot by going there and trying to help the others, you for example. It is a skill I need to work on again and again. </p><p>It comes easier day after day, one day at time. One step after one step.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 531645, member: 14306"] MWM, again, I am happy that the solution you chose worked for your daughter and your family. But it may not work for someone else. I wish miracle solutions exist, but they unfortunately don't exist. In the mean time, let give all the solution who exist, and it's up to the family to choose which solution is right for them. To have been there done that, thought love is something we have to be very careful with, as it worsens the situation more often than not. So I think we have to use it at homeopathic dose. We can make a person change without thought love and without enabling her. It exists, and it may work where everything else failed. I also forgot to mention intervention, like [url=http://www.lovefirst.net]here[/url]. I will put this solution in place for my father's substance abuse, as any other solution did not work. I cannot drag him to the doctor, threats even followed worsen the situation, kicking him out of my life was a short relief long grief solution. I sent my dad to a medical exam for his license, it was a slight beginning but it's only a band on a wooden leg. It is only a beginning, I cannot rely only on it. So I need to try something else, and I can only hope that it will be the right solution for him and for us. After all, he does not expect love, he expects only blame for his difficult child behavior. I do it because I love my father unconditionnally. He is my father, he tried and failed, he was blamed by his wife, mom, doctors, psychologists...., so yes, I keep up because I don't conceive to give up. He received a lot of blame, yet it didn't make him change. Other solutions exist, we will find the right one. Simply put, as mom taught me, simply changing my own perspective can lead to the biggest and most lasting changes. I could change because by changing perspective and working one step at time, we could lead to the biggest and most lasting changes. I can only do the same and I already see a more peaceful relationship with dad. It also helped with detachment, as dumb as it seems. See, MWM, I didn't know the solution of intervention before reading here. I thought that I exhausted all the solutions available. I didn't exhausted everything, so yes, I keep hope to lead some change on this with dad. It won't be easy, but I keep hope. I am waiting for my sister to be back home and in the mean time, I prepare my idea. If I give up, everyone gives up in this family. I try to react on the same way with another family coming here. I also work on inform and let choose a lot by going there and trying to help the others, you for example. It is a skill I need to work on again and again. It comes easier day after day, one day at time. One step after one step. [/QUOTE]
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