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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 453909" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My first worry is that as a former user, him bringing it into your house and living with you while he is living may be putting YOUR sobriety at risk. It may be a "little" risk at first, but letting him live in your home and knowing he is using pot puts YOU at the edge of that slippery slope. YOU have to be your first priority. I hope you have meetings or whatever to help you keep you on the right road first of all. I know a LOT of people who were drug free for decades and then had a child or niece or nephew live iwth them and "just" use pot and it took a while but after not being able to make the young one stop the older person who had been clean so long got back into it and had an even harder time quitting the second time around. I used to work at a "hippie" restaurant hwere I was one of four employees at the time (out of over 70) who did not use drugs of any kind except ones the dr gave for real problems. It is a true family restaurant - mostly drug free now and my kids have automatic jobs if they want to work there, and I went to school with the owner's kids and know so many former employees and it is in the former employees I have seen this so often.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE put your drug free living first. He needs to either be drug free and living iwth you (and paying at least some rent even if it is just a small amount) or he needs to be living elsewhere. He can meet new people at meetings or in many other places. Just because he doesn't know other people doesn't mean he can't meet other people - he is using that as a crutch. I wouldn't suggest a couple of classes at a junior college - it is MUCH easier to do drugs and party and do very well in jr college classes in most places. I am a professor's kid and have seen it all. The 4yr college classes are more expensive but harder to get good grades in if you are partying. So he needs the challenge and to keep working, maybe an on campus job would be better than working in an area around his drug buddies. </p><p></p><p>But mostly he needs to make a choice. Have you talked with his mom, does she have any opinions as to what she wants to happen? Is she trying to teach him a lesson by not having him live iwth her as he goes to school and not putting him in a dorm (if they can afford one)? Is she wanting him to be out and on his own to pay his way to see how expensive it is and to hit bottom with his drugs so he is truly willing to get help and stop using? Or is she just busy with her new family and not that interested/worried? Or is something else going one? I wouldn't care about the rest of the family's opinions, but I would want to at least listen to his mom's because she raised him.</p><p></p><p>I also think some testing and evaluation by a psychiatrist would be a good idea. If he is trying to self medicate a mental health issue, then proper medications would help him find no real need to use illegal drugs, even pot. I also think he needs to have the university evaluation him for learning disabilities if he has troubles getting good grades. They can be surprising - my sons who seem super smart (and ARE) are thought by many to have no Learning Disability (LD)'s but BOTH have dysgraphia and dyscalculia, as do I. Heck, I LOVE statistics and got very good grades in math classes even with NO treatment for the dyscalculia (dyslexia with math). I got through with brute force where my boys have had help and have had an easier time of it. But if it hadn't been for other problems we might NEVER have known about it. The dysgraphia was clear since first grade with me, and with my boys, even though I never was diagnosis'd. It is dyslexia with handwriting. Mine was so bad that by a couple of days later I had NO clue what my class notes said. It truly was THAT BAD. No amount of handwriting practice or whatever ever helped. My oldest had a super kid-proof laptop to use through middle and high school because writing was so painful and his was so bad. These are Learning Disability (LD)'s that NO ONE would ever have thought of based on their test scores or grades. But untreated they could drive them to find ways to medicate themselves. THIS is why we suggest evaluations and testing.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to think about this, go to some alanon or narcanon meetings - those for family. The AA/NA meetings for your addiction issues are not a bad idea, esp with him using and living with you, but the family meetings would help with the enabling/helping tightwire act.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts, and I am NOT an expert.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 453909, member: 1233"] My first worry is that as a former user, him bringing it into your house and living with you while he is living may be putting YOUR sobriety at risk. It may be a "little" risk at first, but letting him live in your home and knowing he is using pot puts YOU at the edge of that slippery slope. YOU have to be your first priority. I hope you have meetings or whatever to help you keep you on the right road first of all. I know a LOT of people who were drug free for decades and then had a child or niece or nephew live iwth them and "just" use pot and it took a while but after not being able to make the young one stop the older person who had been clean so long got back into it and had an even harder time quitting the second time around. I used to work at a "hippie" restaurant hwere I was one of four employees at the time (out of over 70) who did not use drugs of any kind except ones the dr gave for real problems. It is a true family restaurant - mostly drug free now and my kids have automatic jobs if they want to work there, and I went to school with the owner's kids and know so many former employees and it is in the former employees I have seen this so often. PLEASE put your drug free living first. He needs to either be drug free and living iwth you (and paying at least some rent even if it is just a small amount) or he needs to be living elsewhere. He can meet new people at meetings or in many other places. Just because he doesn't know other people doesn't mean he can't meet other people - he is using that as a crutch. I wouldn't suggest a couple of classes at a junior college - it is MUCH easier to do drugs and party and do very well in jr college classes in most places. I am a professor's kid and have seen it all. The 4yr college classes are more expensive but harder to get good grades in if you are partying. So he needs the challenge and to keep working, maybe an on campus job would be better than working in an area around his drug buddies. But mostly he needs to make a choice. Have you talked with his mom, does she have any opinions as to what she wants to happen? Is she trying to teach him a lesson by not having him live iwth her as he goes to school and not putting him in a dorm (if they can afford one)? Is she wanting him to be out and on his own to pay his way to see how expensive it is and to hit bottom with his drugs so he is truly willing to get help and stop using? Or is she just busy with her new family and not that interested/worried? Or is something else going one? I wouldn't care about the rest of the family's opinions, but I would want to at least listen to his mom's because she raised him. I also think some testing and evaluation by a psychiatrist would be a good idea. If he is trying to self medicate a mental health issue, then proper medications would help him find no real need to use illegal drugs, even pot. I also think he needs to have the university evaluation him for learning disabilities if he has troubles getting good grades. They can be surprising - my sons who seem super smart (and ARE) are thought by many to have no Learning Disability (LD)'s but BOTH have dysgraphia and dyscalculia, as do I. Heck, I LOVE statistics and got very good grades in math classes even with NO treatment for the dyscalculia (dyslexia with math). I got through with brute force where my boys have had help and have had an easier time of it. But if it hadn't been for other problems we might NEVER have known about it. The dysgraphia was clear since first grade with me, and with my boys, even though I never was diagnosis'd. It is dyslexia with handwriting. Mine was so bad that by a couple of days later I had NO clue what my class notes said. It truly was THAT BAD. No amount of handwriting practice or whatever ever helped. My oldest had a super kid-proof laptop to use through middle and high school because writing was so painful and his was so bad. These are Learning Disability (LD)'s that NO ONE would ever have thought of based on their test scores or grades. But untreated they could drive them to find ways to medicate themselves. THIS is why we suggest evaluations and testing. I think you need to think about this, go to some alanon or narcanon meetings - those for family. The AA/NA meetings for your addiction issues are not a bad idea, esp with him using and living with you, but the family meetings would help with the enabling/helping tightwire act. Just my thoughts, and I am NOT an expert. [/QUOTE]
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