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new here...sad, tired, frustrated...
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 338897" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Wow - I think I wrote the same post when I got here. My difficult child is just like that. Including the sneaking food. </p><p>I really am sorry, but even though I have lived it for 18 years now, I have no quick fixes for you. I can tell you that time did make things better. Once they get older they own more of their decisions and while difficult to watch them continue to take the harder road, there is not much we can do. </p><p> </p><p>At 12, I took some hard lines about very few things. When I caught her abusing the internet, I took it away from her for many years. I think 4 years. I could not fight the school battles anymore. But, I did get her an IEP and worked with the teachers to help them understand her so they could be more helpful to her than me. </p><p>I really did let go of some of my parenting beliefs. I had to for survival. So what if she did not shower for a week? Was that really MY problem? Well, it was if she tried to sit on the couch, but at least I could tell her she was not allowed until she showered. Sometimes it got it done, most times she stomped off in a huff. I figured if she smelled at school she would eventually shower. Nope. It took years. </p><p> </p><p>Then she revealed that most things she did not do BECAUSE I told her to do them. Or I suggested it to her. It did not matter if she really wanted to do it, but because I had voiced an opinion she stiffened up and refused. And you could say that to just about every aspect of life. Including saying she hated my favorite pizza so she could argue about getting pizza there - she told my mom she loved that pizza. </p><p> </p><p>Now that she is 18, I don't care anymore if she stiffens up. It is her loss, not mine. </p><p>She recently told me she has not tried to get a job for the last 2 years because I told her she should get one. By the way, she gets a car - yes a car free and clear (a 2001) - if she gets a job. Nope. Not even looking yet. Just because I told her to. She recently said during a job discussion, 'you just want to control me and that is why you want me to get a job.' I thought for a minute and calmly said, 'how does your getting a job help me? IN fact, it hurts me because I will have to have a car payment.' She stomped off. too much logic I guess! </p><p> </p><p>Sorry for just giving you my tale, but I felt it was important to say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 338897, member: 391"] Wow - I think I wrote the same post when I got here. My difficult child is just like that. Including the sneaking food. I really am sorry, but even though I have lived it for 18 years now, I have no quick fixes for you. I can tell you that time did make things better. Once they get older they own more of their decisions and while difficult to watch them continue to take the harder road, there is not much we can do. At 12, I took some hard lines about very few things. When I caught her abusing the internet, I took it away from her for many years. I think 4 years. I could not fight the school battles anymore. But, I did get her an IEP and worked with the teachers to help them understand her so they could be more helpful to her than me. I really did let go of some of my parenting beliefs. I had to for survival. So what if she did not shower for a week? Was that really MY problem? Well, it was if she tried to sit on the couch, but at least I could tell her she was not allowed until she showered. Sometimes it got it done, most times she stomped off in a huff. I figured if she smelled at school she would eventually shower. Nope. It took years. Then she revealed that most things she did not do BECAUSE I told her to do them. Or I suggested it to her. It did not matter if she really wanted to do it, but because I had voiced an opinion she stiffened up and refused. And you could say that to just about every aspect of life. Including saying she hated my favorite pizza so she could argue about getting pizza there - she told my mom she loved that pizza. Now that she is 18, I don't care anymore if she stiffens up. It is her loss, not mine. She recently told me she has not tried to get a job for the last 2 years because I told her she should get one. By the way, she gets a car - yes a car free and clear (a 2001) - if she gets a job. Nope. Not even looking yet. Just because I told her to. She recently said during a job discussion, 'you just want to control me and that is why you want me to get a job.' I thought for a minute and calmly said, 'how does your getting a job help me? IN fact, it hurts me because I will have to have a car payment.' She stomped off. too much logic I guess! Sorry for just giving you my tale, but I felt it was important to say. [/QUOTE]
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