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New here........single mom with-difficult 10 yo Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 524243" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>Fisrtly, I'll say that it sounds like you have done a great job parenting your daughter. Yes, we all make mistakes. We're human, but you seem to be very aware of the dysfunction of the past and trying to actively change that for the better for your small family. KUDOS. Do not feel guilty thinking you should be doing this or that (keeping up with the Joneses) It's an easy trap to fall into, but every family has it's own dynamics, and what you see on TV or other ppl do isn't necessarily right for you and your family. I grew up in a "cold" family dynamic. We were pretty much strangers living together. I was determined that my family would NOT be like that and one way I was going to achieve that was with "family game nights" You know, like the have on the TV commercials? I've got friends who grew up doing that and I was going to do that. NOT Son has no interest in board games, DD1 loved board games but had to be the winner otherwise there was a monumental tantrum, and DD2 is great with the games for the first 15 minutes - then just looses interest. So, yeah, the best laid plans flew out the window, BUT I'm still loving and close with my kids in different ways. So, my point is, don't be too hard on yourself, because each step of the way you are doing your best to create a good life for your family. It's all trial and error.</p><p></p><p>So, I take it she hasn't been evaluated for anything? Sensory issues, Auditory processing issues, learning disabilities, developmental delays, mood disorder?</p><p></p><p>I'm going to stick my neck out and suggest that she may have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Many things you said rang true for me with both of my kids on the spectrum. Son was an "easy baby" Neither one likes saying good bye. When they don't like someone or don't care about their opinion social pleasantries are beyond non-existant. DD1 is constantly complaining, <strong>BUT</strong> it's <em>not really</em> complaining. She's making observations and stating them. She may be enjoying herself in an activity, but you wouldn't know it from her facial expression or the words coming out of her mouth. If she were to ride horses, you'd hear that they stink, and are dirty, and REALLY big, and it's bumpy and there are flies around, and it's not as fast as a car. But when it was all done she'd say she had a great time and couldn't wait to do it again. VERY confusing, but I know that she's and Aspie (very high functioning form of autism) and all those seemingly negative statements were just observations.</p><p></p><p>Missing the bus is a big change in routine and falls right in line with my thinking. Are there any other times she has issues? Fire drills? Unexpected activities?</p><p></p><p>She sounds very much like DD1 not wanting to share feelings and not participating in therapy. Can't believe you put up with that for two years! I was done and looking to move on after 2 months! And that was before she got her Aspie diagnosis.</p><p></p><p><strong>Disclaimer</strong> I'm not diagnosing, and am not qualified to do so. Just stating as a Mom what I see, similarities to my experiences. Giving you a possible angle/avenue to pursue getting your daughter evaluated and getting her some help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 524243, member: 11965"] Fisrtly, I'll say that it sounds like you have done a great job parenting your daughter. Yes, we all make mistakes. We're human, but you seem to be very aware of the dysfunction of the past and trying to actively change that for the better for your small family. KUDOS. Do not feel guilty thinking you should be doing this or that (keeping up with the Joneses) It's an easy trap to fall into, but every family has it's own dynamics, and what you see on TV or other ppl do isn't necessarily right for you and your family. I grew up in a "cold" family dynamic. We were pretty much strangers living together. I was determined that my family would NOT be like that and one way I was going to achieve that was with "family game nights" You know, like the have on the TV commercials? I've got friends who grew up doing that and I was going to do that. NOT Son has no interest in board games, DD1 loved board games but had to be the winner otherwise there was a monumental tantrum, and DD2 is great with the games for the first 15 minutes - then just looses interest. So, yeah, the best laid plans flew out the window, BUT I'm still loving and close with my kids in different ways. So, my point is, don't be too hard on yourself, because each step of the way you are doing your best to create a good life for your family. It's all trial and error. So, I take it she hasn't been evaluated for anything? Sensory issues, Auditory processing issues, learning disabilities, developmental delays, mood disorder? I'm going to stick my neck out and suggest that she may have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Many things you said rang true for me with both of my kids on the spectrum. Son was an "easy baby" Neither one likes saying good bye. When they don't like someone or don't care about their opinion social pleasantries are beyond non-existant. DD1 is constantly complaining, [B]BUT[/B] it's [I]not really[/I] complaining. She's making observations and stating them. She may be enjoying herself in an activity, but you wouldn't know it from her facial expression or the words coming out of her mouth. If she were to ride horses, you'd hear that they stink, and are dirty, and REALLY big, and it's bumpy and there are flies around, and it's not as fast as a car. But when it was all done she'd say she had a great time and couldn't wait to do it again. VERY confusing, but I know that she's and Aspie (very high functioning form of autism) and all those seemingly negative statements were just observations. Missing the bus is a big change in routine and falls right in line with my thinking. Are there any other times she has issues? Fire drills? Unexpected activities? She sounds very much like DD1 not wanting to share feelings and not participating in therapy. Can't believe you put up with that for two years! I was done and looking to move on after 2 months! And that was before she got her Aspie diagnosis. [B]Disclaimer[/B] I'm not diagnosing, and am not qualified to do so. Just stating as a Mom what I see, similarities to my experiences. Giving you a possible angle/avenue to pursue getting your daughter evaluated and getting her some help. [/QUOTE]
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