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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 372328" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Allan has provided very good resources. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I just want to add something from a motherly touchy-feely point of view. Often, as parents who love our children sooooo much, we don't want to hear or believe that their lives are touched by negative experiences. I think that what Allan said about talking with your daughter is key. You really need her to open up to you about what her daily experiences are at camp, school, outings, etc. Just listen, ask indirect questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. Meet privately with her teacher/school admi/counselor and perhaps have a private phone call with the counselor. I think it's really important to listen to what people are telling you as well as helping to understand how your daughter is reacting to certain situations.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Your gut is telling you that something is not quite right, that something doesn't add up - listen to your gut. But do your initial research privately without spilling or spelling it out to your daughter. She's a young girl and should not be burdened by your worries about her. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">When my difficult child was young (now almost 21) it became apparent to me that she had trouble picking up on everyday 'normal' social cues. She had trouble playing with others without having hurt feelings if she wasn't receiving all of their attention, had trouble with group settings because she was always focused on what the others were saying to her, looking at her, and would often misconstrue a look or glance. She came across at times as being spoiled, mean, and selfish. She was not spoiled, happens to be very empathetic and compassionate - so I was often confused why she was getting herself into little snits with these other girls. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Another thing was that to me she made it seem like her day was miserable and then I'd check in with her teacher and the teacher would inevitably tell me everything was fine. I used to pop in at lunch time/recess with McD's just to see for myself how she was interacting with others. Most of the time she was sitting with others, though not actually interacting with them. Other times she would be sitting alone. I spoke with the school counselor and asked her to find a volunteer job for daughter to perform twice weekly during recess time - just to see. She liked having an excuse to get away but she still had those 3 other days to form relationships with others. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">In retrospect, I often question my difficult child's diagnosis and subsequent treatment...but then I go back and read my diary from those times and it's good for me to see everything in writing. I'm not saying you should run out and have your daughter evaluated, though I do think you should do some private research by speaking with her teachers, counselors, doctor, etc. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I used to think it was awful for my daughter to be in Special Education so her needs could be met (outwardly, she showed no signs of needing any special services, so it wasn't always easy for her to be in the resource room three days a week!), but then I remember how it would be worse for her to have to pretend to be like everyone else and feel so isolated and alone. I should add that at the high school level, we sent her to a different alternative school so she could be with kids who were just slightly left of center and feel more comfortable in her own skin. I happen to believe that it's more important for our children to feel comfortable with themselves and be able to function on a social level before worrying so much about having A's/B's struggling through school, Know what I mean?? The alternative charter school she attended allowed her to open up and learn how to be a friend. She still missed social cues - a lot - but she grew and that mattered to me more than her getting an A but feeling shunned in her own home town school.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">You know your daughter best. If something doesn't feel right, investigate it - but like I said, do it privately. You don't want to make her feel under the microscope. That is the only thing I regret. There were times when I should not have let her know what I was up to. She used it to manipulate whoever she could instead of being mature enough to know that mom was only looking out for her. At nine years of age, they are still little kids and should not have those worries hanging over their little heads. Best of luck - and hugs.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 372328, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Allan has provided very good resources. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I just want to add something from a motherly touchy-feely point of view. Often, as parents who love our children sooooo much, we don't want to hear or believe that their lives are touched by negative experiences. I think that what Allan said about talking with your daughter is key. You really need her to open up to you about what her daily experiences are at camp, school, outings, etc. Just listen, ask indirect questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. Meet privately with her teacher/school admi/counselor and perhaps have a private phone call with the counselor. I think it's really important to listen to what people are telling you as well as helping to understand how your daughter is reacting to certain situations.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Your gut is telling you that something is not quite right, that something doesn't add up - listen to your gut. But do your initial research privately without spilling or spelling it out to your daughter. She's a young girl and should not be burdened by your worries about her. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]When my difficult child was young (now almost 21) it became apparent to me that she had trouble picking up on everyday 'normal' social cues. She had trouble playing with others without having hurt feelings if she wasn't receiving all of their attention, had trouble with group settings because she was always focused on what the others were saying to her, looking at her, and would often misconstrue a look or glance. She came across at times as being spoiled, mean, and selfish. She was not spoiled, happens to be very empathetic and compassionate - so I was often confused why she was getting herself into little snits with these other girls. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Another thing was that to me she made it seem like her day was miserable and then I'd check in with her teacher and the teacher would inevitably tell me everything was fine. I used to pop in at lunch time/recess with McD's just to see for myself how she was interacting with others. Most of the time she was sitting with others, though not actually interacting with them. Other times she would be sitting alone. I spoke with the school counselor and asked her to find a volunteer job for daughter to perform twice weekly during recess time - just to see. She liked having an excuse to get away but she still had those 3 other days to form relationships with others. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]In retrospect, I often question my difficult child's diagnosis and subsequent treatment...but then I go back and read my diary from those times and it's good for me to see everything in writing. I'm not saying you should run out and have your daughter evaluated, though I do think you should do some private research by speaking with her teachers, counselors, doctor, etc. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I used to think it was awful for my daughter to be in Special Education so her needs could be met (outwardly, she showed no signs of needing any special services, so it wasn't always easy for her to be in the resource room three days a week!), but then I remember how it would be worse for her to have to pretend to be like everyone else and feel so isolated and alone. I should add that at the high school level, we sent her to a different alternative school so she could be with kids who were just slightly left of center and feel more comfortable in her own skin. I happen to believe that it's more important for our children to feel comfortable with themselves and be able to function on a social level before worrying so much about having A's/B's struggling through school, Know what I mean?? The alternative charter school she attended allowed her to open up and learn how to be a friend. She still missed social cues - a lot - but she grew and that mattered to me more than her getting an A but feeling shunned in her own home town school.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]You know your daughter best. If something doesn't feel right, investigate it - but like I said, do it privately. You don't want to make her feel under the microscope. That is the only thing I regret. There were times when I should not have let her know what I was up to. She used it to manipulate whoever she could instead of being mature enough to know that mom was only looking out for her. At nine years of age, they are still little kids and should not have those worries hanging over their little heads. Best of luck - and hugs.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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