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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372614" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I read this post the day you wrote it, and wasn't quite sure how to respond. Some things came to mind such as wondering why other parents<em> would</em> gush about your child. in my opinion very very few parents today gush over other people's kids. Compliments seem to be fairly low key if they are said at all. It isn't a sign that there is a problem, more a sign that everything is normal.</p><p> </p><p>Some communities/schools/areas just are not open and welcoming. I moved into a rural development and not a single ONE of my neighbors came by to say hi. They wave IF they look up and see you or your car pass, but it is a big IF. When others moved in I took cookies over and introduced my family - and it was NOT well received. One family let their kids feed the choc chip cookies (homemade) to their dogs!! They did come over and try to get me to pay the vet bill for "poisoning" their dogs, which is how I found out. We don't have real problems with the neighbors, but we don't have a neighborhood either. I think many areas are like that.</p><p> </p><p>Your daughter does not seem to be connecting with others. The problems you mention indicate, <em>to me,</em> that there may be a problem. You have those mommy instincts for a reason. When they tell you there is a problem, there usually is one.</p><p> </p><p>I would follow Marg's suggestions, and also ask your pediatrician for a referral to a neuropsychologist. The neuropsychologist should do a complete battery of tests to identify any problems, including learning disabilities (MANY students with good grades have learning disabilities - it is NOT a sign that she is dumb, etc...). </p><p> </p><p>I would NOT NOT NOT ask about an ODD diagnosis. ODD is a common diagnosis and it is almost entirely useless. It says your child has a problem. Gives NO clue as to what the problem is, how to treat it, or why it is there (if a why can be found). It means the docs know she is a problem child who will not do what she is supposed to but that is all they know. MANY MANY MANY of us have had our child's "ODD" diagnosis go away completely when they are treated for other problems, such as Aspergers, bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, etc... </p><p> </p><p>They may also push an ADHD diagnosis. Most of the difficult children on this board have had that diagnosis at one time or another. Sometimes it is because they are truly adhd, sometimes it is because they have asperger's or another Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autism spectrum disorder) and adhd is a symptom of that (it is given as a separate diagnosis so the ins co's will pay for more treatment), and for some difficult children with bipolar it is because they are in a manic phase. When they are not manic the adhd goes away. Adhd IS a real disease, with a real diagnosis and real treatment. It just isn't usually the whole answer. Encourage the docs to look beyond it even while you treat it.</p><p> </p><p>Her behavior shows some sensory problems may be there. The brain doesn't always process input from the senses the way it should. This is called sensory integration disorder, or Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). It is a hopeful diagnosis, as there are many ways to help it. in my opinion most kids, esp those on the autism spectrum, have some degree of this. Treatment involves providing the right kinds of sensory stimulation, called a sensory diet, and also a therapy called brushing. It must be taught by a qualified Occupational Therapist (OT), but is done at home or school by a parent or teacher. Brushing is an amazing therapy, in my opinion. It involved the use of a very gentle brush that is moved over the body in a certain pattern (over or under clothes), followed by a series of gentle joint compressions. Once you get the hang of it the entire routing can be done in about 3 minutes if you take your time. It is amazing because it actually works to change how the brain processes sensory input. Surprisingly, if you watch the sensations your child seeks and avoids you can work out many of the sensory areas that are problems. I was totally shocked by the Occupational Therapist (OT) because almost every single activity/toy she suggested to help my youngest son was one we had or had something similar to. He sought out the kinds of things that he needed. Many, but not all, children do this instinctively. </p><p> </p><p>You can learn more about Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) by reading "The Out Of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz. You can get an AWESOME list of sensory activities, with ways to make them very affordable, in the book "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" by Carol Kranowitz. It is a great book and has ideas that work in many groups. I have gotten many party activity ideas from the Has Fun book and used them with great results in my kids' classes and at home. </p><p> </p><p>"The Explosive Child" is a must read. Marg explained a lot of it. I also strongly recommend Parenting with Love and Logic by Fay and Cline, along with any other books by them that seem to fit your family. You can learn more about their books at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>. Love and Logic stresses using natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. It is a wonderful resource, in my opinion. </p><p> </p><p>I hope some of this helps. I DO think you need to ask your daughter what she does with her friends at lunch, etc... In some areas there are very few "playdates" the way many of us think about them. I have quite a few friends who have children who cannot have playdates because they are in so many classes - martial arts, tap, ballet, church, a foreign language, learning to play an instrument, etc.... Around here it is a sign of status. My niece is in 1st grade this year and she cannot do playdates because many of her classmates are so scheduled that it is impossible. For many of those kids the lessons happen after they are picked up from daycare, and it has been this way since kdg or before for them. So the lack of playdates may not be all due to your daughter, though I certainly do see signs that she should be evaluated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372614, member: 1233"] I read this post the day you wrote it, and wasn't quite sure how to respond. Some things came to mind such as wondering why other parents[I] would[/I] gush about your child. in my opinion very very few parents today gush over other people's kids. Compliments seem to be fairly low key if they are said at all. It isn't a sign that there is a problem, more a sign that everything is normal. Some communities/schools/areas just are not open and welcoming. I moved into a rural development and not a single ONE of my neighbors came by to say hi. They wave IF they look up and see you or your car pass, but it is a big IF. When others moved in I took cookies over and introduced my family - and it was NOT well received. One family let their kids feed the choc chip cookies (homemade) to their dogs!! They did come over and try to get me to pay the vet bill for "poisoning" their dogs, which is how I found out. We don't have real problems with the neighbors, but we don't have a neighborhood either. I think many areas are like that. Your daughter does not seem to be connecting with others. The problems you mention indicate, [I]to me,[/I] that there may be a problem. You have those mommy instincts for a reason. When they tell you there is a problem, there usually is one. I would follow Marg's suggestions, and also ask your pediatrician for a referral to a neuropsychologist. The neuropsychologist should do a complete battery of tests to identify any problems, including learning disabilities (MANY students with good grades have learning disabilities - it is NOT a sign that she is dumb, etc...). I would NOT NOT NOT ask about an ODD diagnosis. ODD is a common diagnosis and it is almost entirely useless. It says your child has a problem. Gives NO clue as to what the problem is, how to treat it, or why it is there (if a why can be found). It means the docs know she is a problem child who will not do what she is supposed to but that is all they know. MANY MANY MANY of us have had our child's "ODD" diagnosis go away completely when they are treated for other problems, such as Aspergers, bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, etc... They may also push an ADHD diagnosis. Most of the difficult children on this board have had that diagnosis at one time or another. Sometimes it is because they are truly adhd, sometimes it is because they have asperger's or another Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (autism spectrum disorder) and adhd is a symptom of that (it is given as a separate diagnosis so the ins co's will pay for more treatment), and for some difficult children with bipolar it is because they are in a manic phase. When they are not manic the adhd goes away. Adhd IS a real disease, with a real diagnosis and real treatment. It just isn't usually the whole answer. Encourage the docs to look beyond it even while you treat it. Her behavior shows some sensory problems may be there. The brain doesn't always process input from the senses the way it should. This is called sensory integration disorder, or Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). It is a hopeful diagnosis, as there are many ways to help it. in my opinion most kids, esp those on the autism spectrum, have some degree of this. Treatment involves providing the right kinds of sensory stimulation, called a sensory diet, and also a therapy called brushing. It must be taught by a qualified Occupational Therapist (OT), but is done at home or school by a parent or teacher. Brushing is an amazing therapy, in my opinion. It involved the use of a very gentle brush that is moved over the body in a certain pattern (over or under clothes), followed by a series of gentle joint compressions. Once you get the hang of it the entire routing can be done in about 3 minutes if you take your time. It is amazing because it actually works to change how the brain processes sensory input. Surprisingly, if you watch the sensations your child seeks and avoids you can work out many of the sensory areas that are problems. I was totally shocked by the Occupational Therapist (OT) because almost every single activity/toy she suggested to help my youngest son was one we had or had something similar to. He sought out the kinds of things that he needed. Many, but not all, children do this instinctively. You can learn more about Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) by reading "The Out Of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz. You can get an AWESOME list of sensory activities, with ways to make them very affordable, in the book "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" by Carol Kranowitz. It is a great book and has ideas that work in many groups. I have gotten many party activity ideas from the Has Fun book and used them with great results in my kids' classes and at home. "The Explosive Child" is a must read. Marg explained a lot of it. I also strongly recommend Parenting with Love and Logic by Fay and Cline, along with any other books by them that seem to fit your family. You can learn more about their books at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL]. Love and Logic stresses using natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. It is a wonderful resource, in my opinion. I hope some of this helps. I DO think you need to ask your daughter what she does with her friends at lunch, etc... In some areas there are very few "playdates" the way many of us think about them. I have quite a few friends who have children who cannot have playdates because they are in so many classes - martial arts, tap, ballet, church, a foreign language, learning to play an instrument, etc.... Around here it is a sign of status. My niece is in 1st grade this year and she cannot do playdates because many of her classmates are so scheduled that it is impossible. For many of those kids the lessons happen after they are picked up from daycare, and it has been this way since kdg or before for them. So the lack of playdates may not be all due to your daughter, though I certainly do see signs that she should be evaluated. [/QUOTE]
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