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New here. Thought we had made it through the worse....
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<blockquote data-quote="MissJuneBug" data-source="post: 710360" data-attributes="member: 21628"><p>Thanks everyone! Great advice.</p><p></p><p>He was always high-functioning in terms of academics but the rest of his life, not so much. Signs have been there all along but he was in such a structured environment and so smart that it wasn't as noticeable as it might have been otherwise. I feel badly that we didn't catch the Narcolepsy and ADHD until college. He was tested for ADHD in 2nd grade and at the time a computer test for ADHD was in vogue and he aced it! Turns out that test is a bad predictor of ADHD in some kids.</p><p></p><p>He has always had an addictive personality. He would play video games for hours and hours on end until we unplugged the thing. In middle school, he got into World of Warcraft and was obsessed but as he started high school he deliberately decided not to play video games anymore.</p><p></p><p>When I re-read my post I realized I had probably minimized the substance abuse part. It's very real, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>I agree he has an addiction. The problem is, since he can go for long periods of time without using, all the counselors and the psychiatrist (who is the Medical Director of a local Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and one of a handful of psychiatrists in our state that was trained in addiction medicine) don't feel he has a substance abuse problem that needs inpatient treatment. The explanation they have given us is that addictions run on a spectrum and while he is on the spectrum (most definitely!) he is on the 'mild' side. They've all recently agreed that IOP is the next step.</p><p></p><p>The issue I have with stating his addiction is mild is when he is using substances he puts himself (and potentially others) in great danger. Multiple trips to the ER, a scary day where he had evidently taken a bunch of Xanax and alcohol and 2 bottles of cough syrup the night before and he not only had no memory of it but he was having problems holding coherent conversations for the better part of the day though he was fully conscious and walking around.</p><p></p><p>We and his therapist have told him this week that in order to live here, IOP is non-negotiable and they are to start arranging his admission next week. If he refuses, Plan A is to first cut off his phone and Internet access. Next step is to put a lock on his bedroom door, so that he can't be in his room doing nothing. Next step after that is to change the locks on the house and make him leave during normal working hours. Final step would be to kick him out. I've advocated for a step-wise approach to the consequences in the hopes that he will turn this around before taking that last, heart-breaking step. It's more for my sanity than anything else. I need to know we have tried everything before kicking him out.</p><p></p><p>I'm okay with someone being depressed and anxious, been there, done that myself. And it can be quite debilitating at times. But I'm not okay with refusing to get help. It's available and it works, if you do the necessary work.</p><p></p><p>We'll see.... he's never refused to attend any counseling (both private and group) that we have made him attend over the last few years. Because of the DUI, he was also forced to do a bi-weekly group alcohol and drug session. He also attended a recovery group for a while.</p><p></p><p>He actually seems to respond well to group therapy. Often talking to me about the things they learned. But more recently he seems to be pushing back on getting treatment. I hope this is not a trend. Up until late last summer, he was routinely cooking dinner, helping around the house, etc. Not perfect by any means but much more engaged overall. The school issue seems to have been the thing that has pushed him over the edge. There are days when I wonder if this most recent episode is simply an attempt to manipulate us into paying for more science classes.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I've been reading your most recent posts about allowing your son to work for you and live in your other house, and get medical marijuana. My feeling is progress is progress even if it is slow and your own peace of mind and sanity is priceless! There is no single solution that works for everyone and if it works for you, then go for it.</p><p></p><p>This can be such a lonely journey. I really appreciate having a 'soft place to land'. And over many years, through various crises and life changes, my 'virtual friends' have been what got me through the rough patches.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissJuneBug, post: 710360, member: 21628"] Thanks everyone! Great advice. He was always high-functioning in terms of academics but the rest of his life, not so much. Signs have been there all along but he was in such a structured environment and so smart that it wasn't as noticeable as it might have been otherwise. I feel badly that we didn't catch the Narcolepsy and ADHD until college. He was tested for ADHD in 2nd grade and at the time a computer test for ADHD was in vogue and he aced it! Turns out that test is a bad predictor of ADHD in some kids. He has always had an addictive personality. He would play video games for hours and hours on end until we unplugged the thing. In middle school, he got into World of Warcraft and was obsessed but as he started high school he deliberately decided not to play video games anymore. When I re-read my post I realized I had probably minimized the substance abuse part. It's very real, unfortunately. I agree he has an addiction. The problem is, since he can go for long periods of time without using, all the counselors and the psychiatrist (who is the Medical Director of a local Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and one of a handful of psychiatrists in our state that was trained in addiction medicine) don't feel he has a substance abuse problem that needs inpatient treatment. The explanation they have given us is that addictions run on a spectrum and while he is on the spectrum (most definitely!) he is on the 'mild' side. They've all recently agreed that IOP is the next step. The issue I have with stating his addiction is mild is when he is using substances he puts himself (and potentially others) in great danger. Multiple trips to the ER, a scary day where he had evidently taken a bunch of Xanax and alcohol and 2 bottles of cough syrup the night before and he not only had no memory of it but he was having problems holding coherent conversations for the better part of the day though he was fully conscious and walking around. We and his therapist have told him this week that in order to live here, IOP is non-negotiable and they are to start arranging his admission next week. If he refuses, Plan A is to first cut off his phone and Internet access. Next step is to put a lock on his bedroom door, so that he can't be in his room doing nothing. Next step after that is to change the locks on the house and make him leave during normal working hours. Final step would be to kick him out. I've advocated for a step-wise approach to the consequences in the hopes that he will turn this around before taking that last, heart-breaking step. It's more for my sanity than anything else. I need to know we have tried everything before kicking him out. I'm okay with someone being depressed and anxious, been there, done that myself. And it can be quite debilitating at times. But I'm not okay with refusing to get help. It's available and it works, if you do the necessary work. We'll see.... he's never refused to attend any counseling (both private and group) that we have made him attend over the last few years. Because of the DUI, he was also forced to do a bi-weekly group alcohol and drug session. He also attended a recovery group for a while. He actually seems to respond well to group therapy. Often talking to me about the things they learned. But more recently he seems to be pushing back on getting treatment. I hope this is not a trend. Up until late last summer, he was routinely cooking dinner, helping around the house, etc. Not perfect by any means but much more engaged overall. The school issue seems to have been the thing that has pushed him over the edge. There are days when I wonder if this most recent episode is simply an attempt to manipulate us into paying for more science classes. Copa, I've been reading your most recent posts about allowing your son to work for you and live in your other house, and get medical marijuana. My feeling is progress is progress even if it is slow and your own peace of mind and sanity is priceless! There is no single solution that works for everyone and if it works for you, then go for it. This can be such a lonely journey. I really appreciate having a 'soft place to land'. And over many years, through various crises and life changes, my 'virtual friends' have been what got me through the rough patches. [/QUOTE]
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