New here. Thought we had made it through the worse....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MissJuneBug, Apr 5, 2017.

  1. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    Hi! I've been lurking for several months. Definitely feel like I belong here. The stories are so relatable.

    My story is difficult child Son was an honors College Student with a 4.0 GPA. Downward spiral started after a bad breakup with-girlfriend May 2013. Started struggling with some upper division science courses Fall 2013. Then began misusing prescription rx for sleep, alcohol, weed. Was living about 1.5 hrs away. We were unaware until some of his grades started dropping. Thought it was due to rigorous curriculum. Then began failing all classes. After a few semesters of this, we forceably moved him back home. He continued with school by commuting. Did well in some classes, still failed some science classes needed to complete degree. Refused to get tutoring for those classes. Has failed a set of three classes at least three times! Basically, he starts the semester doing well then as it gets harder, he stops going to those classes. His GPA has fallen to 2.5ish. He has always pushed himself and showed a lot of discipline in the last year, leaving the house every morning at 6am and returning at 9pm M-F, driving 1.5 hrs both ways.

    As of Jan 2017, we stopped paying for school after almost seven years full-time! He was doing a double major and is currently 1 credit hour away from a foreign language degree but refuses to graduate without the science degree.

    Currently refuses to do anything. Rarely leaves his bedroom, sometimes even his bed. Won't shower. Therapist says major depression. Trying to convince him to go to IOP. Refuses to work despite job offers. Won't talk to us. Won't answer his cell phone. Won't even call back his beloved grandmother. Lies constantly. When he does leave the house, he goes and sits in his car in grocery store parking lots for hours at a time. We are able to track him. Husband, who is a Type A workaholic, is beside himself with anger! Wants to kick him out.

    Despite his IQ, he is very emotionally immature and has very bad coping skills. Besides substance abuse, he is showing signs of having an avoidance personality disorder. He procrastinates on literally everything. He's quiet and introverted but went to a small private school k-12 and has lots of close friends, though he stopped keeping in touch with them recently. Seems to only be talkative and social when he's buzzed. He also has an online chat group of young adults around the world. He is literally glued to that phone. It's like these virtual friends are his best friends now.

    I never imagined we would be on this wild rollercoaster! Although he has always showed signs of anxiety from the time he was a baby, he did well in school, no major behavioral problems other than ADHD related issues. The Narcolepsy issue doesn't help. He doesn't randomly fall asleep but he doesn't get good quality sleep and is therefore tired a lot. He gets a fair of amount of stimulants from his psychiatrist but nothing unusual for a patient with confirmed Narcolepsy.

    After an episode this week where he sat in his car all night in the driveway and I found him out there at 6:00am with a pipe in the car and an obvious buzz, we have told him IOP is non-negotiable. His substance abuse counselor and his Pyschiatrist who specializes in addiction medicine and is the medical director for a local IP rehab program don't think he has a true addiction - though he is 'on the addiction spectrum'. His therapist says the same thing. They all believe he is trying to self-medicate for the anxiety. He seems to be able to stop whe he wants.

    On the other hand, son is extremely smart and knows all the right things to say. So who knows?

    Just wanted to introduce myself and say thanks for being here!

    June
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2017
  2. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Is the major that requires all the science classes something that is beyond his abilities? A double major is stressful. Maybe he is burned out.
     
  3. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    Actually, it's the math based science classes like Vector Calculus and quantitative analysis that he struggles with probably due to the ADHD. He does fine in the purely science classes.

    You are correct. He is very burnt out. He overloads himself every semester and summers. He stubbornly refuses help, we've offered every thing we can think of.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    My son, who had a difficult beginning (adopted at 22 months) deals with all of the same things, except he has never been as high-functioning as your son, and he is obsessively clean, although dresses raggedly.

    The lying, marijuana use to self-medicate, immaturity, poor coping, history of anxiety, depression began when he was about 18 or 19, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, immaturity, ADHD as a child, no major behavioral problems, no aggression until he became depressed, all of it the same.

    My son is now 28. He has no goals although he vaguely says he wants to complete college (only one year completed); satisfied receiving SSI for mental illness which he feels is temporary yet has no real idea of how he will work himself off of it.

    At the same time, he is getting better. Pushed by us, he is working for us helping to remodel a house we purchased. He has returned to martial arts, which he loved, and let go 10 years ago. He SAYS he is going to Mental Health. He has began the medication that he needs for a chronic illness. He is more cooperative and more loving.

    What shifted? About 6 years ago we threw him out. He had quit a job he had for 15 months. He was depressed, yes, but he would not seek treatment. When it was clear he would not do anything to help himself, I felt my only choice was to kick him out.

    I am not sure, still, if I did the right thing. It took 4 years until we could work out a way to live together again or close. I will spare you that story. He was homeless for a time. He did a lot of couch surfing and lived marginally. It was heart-breaking. He suffered a lot.

    But the thing is, they are adults. They have to decide to live or die. Nobody, not even loving parents can decide for them. Living requires consistent choices to do constructive things, some difficult. Most of all, adults have to live by rules. Few people in this world are able to do what they want or what they feel like.

    We have had a continuing battle about the marijuana. We can no longer tolerate kicking out my son. But we will not tolerate the marijuana near us. There has been near constant conflict. Because he has not wanted to give in, nor have we.

    Gradually, I think, he is coming around to seeing that we will not give up. Nor will we give up on him. Somehow there is a slow change in him, a realization that there has to be give, to live as a family. He seems to be realizing that we WANT the best for him. He is seeming to understand that he is responsible for his impulsivity and he is responsible for his moods. By that I mean he is responsible to find remedy, to seek treatment and to find support and intervention.

    His follow-through is less than stellar, but I believe the conversation is entering his brain. I can see change, and this has made all of the difference. Of course I despair sometimes. But I am not in that place all of the time. I have hope. This hope gives me energy to keep doing this.

    In your son's case there are a lot of good things to say. His achievement. His ambition. His motivation. His intelligence and capacity. His willingness to go to a psychiatrist. His many friendships. His interests.

    What I would advise is this: you have identified issues. The self-medication. Behaviors. Withdrawal. Not leaving room. Not showering. Not wanting to work. Anxiety.

    What comes next is to decide what you need to see from your son, to keep going on this way. And for how long.

    Have you spoken to the psychiatrist about their thoughts about what your son needs? Would he or she be willing to refer to a residential treatment center? Is your son willing to consider groups? What does he think about his drug use? Does he articulate what he thinks are the issues? Does he express motivation at all at this point to change anything? Is he interested in something that may be a source of energy and recreation? Walking. Movement of any kind. Music. Art. Any expressive activity.

    Has he considered a tutor for the subjects he finds challenging? Would he be willing to work with somebody privately now?

    All of these things help with depression.

    I will only state my opinion: A diagnosis of major depression does not absolve somebody from dealing with life. If he cannot function and outpatient treatment is not dealing with it, I would think about residential treatment. My son has gone twice. The last one he went to he loved, but it turned out his insurance would not cover it.

    There are RTCs for dual diagnosis which means the combination of an acute psychiatric diagnosis, the major depression, with substance abuse or dependence.

    I should have tried to get my son into a residential treatment center years ago. I have to tell you, it never entered my mind. I was in complete denial that my son was mentally ill. Honestly. I do not know why.

    As far as your husband's reaction to the situation, I totally identify with him. I was angry too. I wanted my son to just "get over it." I am ashamed to say this, but it was true. I was very, very wrong.

    If I had it to do over again I would give my son the option of residential treatment or insist he leave. Actually, I told him to get treatment, and he would not. Realistically, if this was the case, what would have been my leverage to get him to residential treatment? I need to lay off myself.

    This is so, so hard. I was a single parent and I did not have to answer to another parent, or deal with anybody else's responses. This made it harder and easier at the same time.

    I am glad you posted. I hope you keep posting. Not only will you get support, by posting you see reflected on the screen...where you are...and this way you get out your feelings...and can reflect upon the situation so as to change it.

    I am glad you are here. Take care.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome and sorry you have to be here.

    I do believe from the behaviors that you describe that your son is an addict. My son can go months without using anything also but when he does it leads to bad things. That is addictive behavior. My son goes on binges then is sober for long periods of time so he is also not typical of some of the others on this forum.

    Your son is an adult. He has to want to fix this himself. Nothing that mom or dad can do to FIX him. It sounds like you are wonderful parents and have done all that you can do to help him. It does sounds like he is struggling immensely and that is so very hard to watch unfold. I know because I've been going through this for over five years myself.

    My son is a bit younger but also was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and substance abuse. He started out trying to self medicate also with weed. The best thing that I did for myself was go to therapy to learn how to deal with his behaviors. I couldn't take it any longer and wanted my home and my sanity back. We have since moved our son out and he is doing much better away from us. Doing things he never did before when he was home and probably never would have done. Some call it tough love. It's not easy because it goes against everything we did with our older, successful sons.

    Your son has accomplished so much and now he is off track. I am not sure what to say but I do hope that he is able to turn this around and move on with his life. I hope you are not too hard on yourself though because you have really done all you can.

    Keep posting and reading other's posts. Maybe something will strike a chord with you and help you cope. Everyone's story is different and there is no right or wrong answer.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  6. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Hi June,

    Just wanted to add my Welcome and glad you found us. You've gotten some great responses already and I don't have much to add. The one thing I thought of was...."virtual" friends aren't necessarily a "bad" thing. Of course I realize the obsession isn't good.

    I would gently suggest that you take some time and really consider the advice that Copa shared. I think it's really important that you have "a plan" set in your mind before you take any steps. And also a back-up plan, a fall-back plan, a what-if plan....and a few back-up plans for those...

    The truly terrible truth is that we never know what the outcome will be when we set a plan in motion. At least for me and my story, I never knew if I made things worse or if I had just tried that one other thing....constant second-guessing. It dang near destroyed me.

    But. I found this site back when my son was....what? 17 years old. He's 32 now (eeek!) and the people I met here, the other Warrior Moms and Dads, they saved me. You will find what I found: Unconditional support and concern without judgment.

    Welcome. Keep posting. Keep reading.

    ~ Peace
     
  7. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Welcome,

    Sorry your here! Dual Diagnosis is real, and unfortunately he needs to want help. He seems to. E self medicating, been through that....and our son hit rock bottom and is showing signs of growth. I sometimes feel like instead of wAlking backwards, we simply baby step along.



    So he may need a break...but definitely needs help, therapy medications. Weed is illegal where we live, if not there I can t believe sitting in your car is good!?

    Keep posting, reading and hoping!
     
  8. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    Thanks everyone! Great advice.

    He was always high-functioning in terms of academics but the rest of his life, not so much. Signs have been there all along but he was in such a structured environment and so smart that it wasn't as noticeable as it might have been otherwise. I feel badly that we didn't catch the Narcolepsy and ADHD until college. He was tested for ADHD in 2nd grade and at the time a computer test for ADHD was in vogue and he aced it! Turns out that test is a bad predictor of ADHD in some kids.

    He has always had an addictive personality. He would play video games for hours and hours on end until we unplugged the thing. In middle school, he got into World of Warcraft and was obsessed but as he started high school he deliberately decided not to play video games anymore.

    When I re-read my post I realized I had probably minimized the substance abuse part. It's very real, unfortunately.

    I agree he has an addiction. The problem is, since he can go for long periods of time without using, all the counselors and the psychiatrist (who is the Medical Director of a local Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and one of a handful of psychiatrists in our state that was trained in addiction medicine) don't feel he has a substance abuse problem that needs inpatient treatment. The explanation they have given us is that addictions run on a spectrum and while he is on the spectrum (most definitely!) he is on the 'mild' side. They've all recently agreed that IOP is the next step.

    The issue I have with stating his addiction is mild is when he is using substances he puts himself (and potentially others) in great danger. Multiple trips to the ER, a scary day where he had evidently taken a bunch of Xanax and alcohol and 2 bottles of cough syrup the night before and he not only had no memory of it but he was having problems holding coherent conversations for the better part of the day though he was fully conscious and walking around.

    We and his therapist have told him this week that in order to live here, IOP is non-negotiable and they are to start arranging his admission next week. If he refuses, Plan A is to first cut off his phone and Internet access. Next step is to put a lock on his bedroom door, so that he can't be in his room doing nothing. Next step after that is to change the locks on the house and make him leave during normal working hours. Final step would be to kick him out. I've advocated for a step-wise approach to the consequences in the hopes that he will turn this around before taking that last, heart-breaking step. It's more for my sanity than anything else. I need to know we have tried everything before kicking him out.

    I'm okay with someone being depressed and anxious, been there, done that myself. And it can be quite debilitating at times. But I'm not okay with refusing to get help. It's available and it works, if you do the necessary work.

    We'll see.... he's never refused to attend any counseling (both private and group) that we have made him attend over the last few years. Because of the DUI, he was also forced to do a bi-weekly group alcohol and drug session. He also attended a recovery group for a while.

    He actually seems to respond well to group therapy. Often talking to me about the things they learned. But more recently he seems to be pushing back on getting treatment. I hope this is not a trend. Up until late last summer, he was routinely cooking dinner, helping around the house, etc. Not perfect by any means but much more engaged overall. The school issue seems to have been the thing that has pushed him over the edge. There are days when I wonder if this most recent episode is simply an attempt to manipulate us into paying for more science classes.

    Copa, I've been reading your most recent posts about allowing your son to work for you and live in your other house, and get medical marijuana. My feeling is progress is progress even if it is slow and your own peace of mind and sanity is priceless! There is no single solution that works for everyone and if it works for you, then go for it.

    This can be such a lonely journey. I really appreciate having a 'soft place to land'. And over many years, through various crises and life changes, my 'virtual friends' have been what got me through the rough patches.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Both depression and anxiety are very treatable. Medication is needed for the worst and pot just doesnt help. It hurts and causes a lack of motivation.

    The problem your son has, I feel, is the substance abuse. Mixing non prescribed medications with prescribed medications screws up the effects of the helpful medication. And if therapy alone helps a person (it was not enough for my severe depression/anxiety but it is for some) self medicating screws up the good advice you can get from a psychologist too. Recreational drugs are never a plus.

    Many psychiatrists will not diagnose non sober people because many drugs cause symptoms that look like bipolar or even psychosis (meth).

    Has ypur son ever been evaluated for Aspergers?

    When my daughter used drugs, we did make her leave and tough love worked for her. She quit even cigarettes and twelve years later has a SO of twelve years, went to two year college for both Cosmetology and Pastry Chef on her owm dime, has a house in her name and is a spectacular mommy and person. And her addiction was quite severe.

    My own experience, and ours are all different, is that not letting them experience consequences keeps them emotionally young. The doctors diagnosed Daughter with bipolar when she took cocaine and meth. But she is clean now and clearly was never mentally ill. She was a drug addict only who behaved as if she were mentally ill. This can happen.

    I like your step down program and hope it works. In the end, they must MUST be able to leave and sustain themselves.

    None of us can live forever. They must be sble to stand alone.

    They need to have skills to either work at a job that will sistain them or be aware of how to and where to seek out community services that will assist them and care for tjeir deficits, if they have them.

    My daughter was so bad I thought she'd end up in jail or die. She started drugs at 12 and quit at 19. We made her leave at 18. She was using drugs around her younger siblings and they were afraid. She survived and did well. Again, we are all diffetent. Our adult kids are all different. We approach them differently.

    One thing is the same. Agsin...we will all die and leave them. As long as they learn how to survive after that happens, they will be okay. I always aimed for that with all my kids, even my autistic son and he IS independent with a few services but he works, lives in his own apartment and is busy.

    If my autistic son can live alone, work hard and have a full life, your son can too. It sounds as if you have a good plan to help him launch.

    I wish you prayers if you believe, light and much love. Your son sounds as if he has really awesome potential!!! I feel he can do this! I am pulling for both of you. Nurture yourself. You are so special and precious and deserve to be good to yourself. Try it today! Do something nice just for YOU!!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2017
  10. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    SWOT, thank you so much for the kind words. You are right, substance abuse can look a lot like mental illness (I guess in a lot of ways it is).

    What is confounding about this is during high school (before any drug use - he generally stayed home on weekend nights instead of going to parties) he complained of anxiety, depression and feeling extremely tired no matter how much he slept (and he slept a lot on weekends and after school or football practice). In fact, despite having a large group of friends, he so rarely went out that we worried about him. He now says it was to avoid the drinking and weed because he was too scared to try it. Obviously that mindset changed when he got to college.

    So, in his case, he did have those mental health issues first. Unfortunately, anxiety and depression go hand in hand with Narcolepsy. He sees a well-known Narcolepsy physician who publishes a ton of research on it. She said they think it's because with Narcolepsy you stay in R.E.M. sleep and never get to deep sleep and it adversely affects mood and attention. It's like being awake for days on end. The pity is he was given sleep medication that allowed him to get deep sleep. Unfortunately, it is also used as a recreational/club drug (illegally manufactured). On the internet people talk about how great it is and non-addictive.... not true at all. It can be very dangerous and addictive. It's actually one of the most highly regulated prescription drugs in the US. So, at some point, he started using it in tiny doses during the day to relieve his anxiety and he developed an addiction to it. We finally notified the pharm co and his doctor last summer and he was cut off.

    Interestingly, when he is drinking or using something, he is very talkative, very open and honest and nice to be around. Sober, he is extremely quiet, withdrawn and moody.

    But he is on multiple medications for anxiety, depression, sleep and stimulants to stay awake during the day. It feels like he is on way too many medications (6-7 daily) but he won't allow me to go with him when he sees his psychiatrist monthly. We do, however, keep his medications locked in a safe and he gets a week at a time. I'm convinced that he takes a much higher dosage of some of his medications than prescribed.

    I agree about cutting them loose and letting them deal with life on their own. He's scared to death to do that (he's told me that on a number of occasions). Due to the anxiety and the feeling tired all the time, he's afraid he won't be able to handle a job. That's why I've been pushing for several years to ramp up treatment via IOP or an IP rehab. He needs to learn good coping skills to deal with the anxiety. Unfortunately, as you said, using non-prescribed drugs or substances doesn't allow therapy and prescription medication to work properly.

    I've been able to significantly reduce my own life-long anxiety and depression issues through medication and many years of cognitive behavioral therapy. It does work!

    PS. I always enjoy your posts!
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, hon, your son is complicated with his narcolepsy. Has he ever applied for Disabiluty? I believe he could get it for now. He may have to try a few times to get it.

    With Disabililty comes a case manager and possible housing and other resources. And help for substance abuse. If precious son can not work now, Disability provides some financial help. For him...he will probably feel better about himself if he has some money of his own. And he can apply through The Dept. Of Rehab Development to find a job he can handle, even with his challenges.

    It is do hard to know what to do but i admire your kind but forward moving idea. And you can always change your plan as it progresses. Nothing is carved in stone.

    Please come often. We care about your son and yourself too. Be good to you :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2017
  12. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    I have thought about Disability. He has scoffed at the idea (too proud) but many people with Narcolepsy are on disability.

    Because of his medical issues, I have a very hard time knowing what is willful defiance, apathy and lack of motivation vs. a medical issue like the narcolepsy, depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Recently his therapist said he is also having a difficult time sorting it out. At first, he suggested we try setting major consequences but a couple of weeks after we started implementing them, he called me and said that he now thinks it's a major depressive disorder and son needs more in-depth treatment than he can provide alone. Actually, I have been saying this for several years but all the professionals son saw didn't think it was necessary.

    Hence, the move to an IOP. I do think the IOP would be of benefit in a number of different ways - at our local hospital they use a team approach, therefore you have a number of professionals interacting with the patients 12 hour a week, it would give him much needed structure, some socialization and goals. Whether he chooses to do the actual hard work is going to be up to him but, at least, we might get a better perspective about what is going on with him. Sometimes I wonder if there is a more complex issue going on like a Bi-polar disorder.

    Nothing about any of these situations is easy. But I do feel like we have a good support team with the Narcolepsy expert, the Addiction Medicine Psychiatrist, his therapist and the guidance and support from the Director of a local recovery support center. We are fortunate that we have a lot of contacts in the community through our respective jobs.

    Sometimes I think this is so much harder because my husband (who has his own very serious neurological disease that affects his cognitive abilities) doesn't handle this well. He gets furious and rages - throwing his own tantrums about the situation. He doesn't understand depression, anxiety or narcolepsy. Son's therapist and I spent a hour a few weeks ago talking to my husband about how depression can severely affect a person's ability to function and that we need to temporarily treat this as a medical condition to get him back on track. Husband remains unconvinced. So I feel like I'm getting emotionally 'beat-up' from both son and husband. I can actually handle son pretty calmly but husband rages at me sometimes like this is my fault. It is very stressful. Had I not gone through many years of CBT, I'm sure I would also be laying in bed with severe depression right now.

    Thanks for letting me vent and tell my story. I have friends and family I can talk to but, really, unless you have been through it yourself it's hard for people to understand the many nuances that go along with these situations. The human mind always wants a simple cause and effect answer but life is so much more complicated than that.

    June
     
  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    June

    I think your husband is very frustrated. My husband used to get that way also. Now that my son is out of our home my husband has actually taken the reins. I'm so thankful for this because I also felt like I was in the middle all the time. It's a horrible way to live. I have actually blocked my son from contacting me at all right now after his relapse a few weeks ago. It seems that when he has me in his life he is complacent. I am not at all sure WHY this is the situation. I did tell him I love him but need a break. I honestly have no desire to interact with him and am very happy to let my husband handle it all. This does worry me because I don't know if it's normal or healthy or if I'm suppressing my feelings or what.

    My son's doctors always felt the substance abuse was not letting us get to the root of his problems. He was very young and it was all just one big ball of mess. My son still has anxiety but is not on any medications at all. My husband grew up with anxiety himself and he is very much against medications. I am on the fence. If it helps son, he should take it but he doesn't feel it really does so I don't force the issue. It does seem he is overcoming a lot of things now that he is living away from us. I am serious when I say he spent every day on the couch, playing video games and watching TV and this is when sober. He'd then go on a pill binge and raise holy hell.

    He is now taking a college class and working and sharing an apartment. While I get upset that he is still not living a clean life from my perspective, the fact that one year later he is doing all of this which to most is not a big deal, is truly amazing. I never thought he'd be able to do any of this based on past behaviors. We just hope and pray he continues to get better as time goes on and we make it clear that he cannot live in our home and has to make a life there.

    It is wonderful to have this forum and to know that we're not some kind of freaks or something and that other people deal with things that are not normal to most parents.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im always amused and puzzled that substance abusers are against mainstream medications known to help them. Makes no sense.

    June, if this were me, id be angry at Son for having too much pride for Disability. That makes him more financially dependent on you. And he IS disabled. If he were not disabled by his very real challenges, your bright son would have a job. I would be upset that he is refusing state money for a real problem but take YIUR money gladly and not feel ashamed at his age. And your housing and food and use of electricity.

    I dont mean your son is a bad person. He certainly doesnt sound like one. But the way our adult kids who bring us here think boggles the mind. This includes my own puzzling difficult child of 39. Yes 39. And he wont change so he wont get better. At least he CAN support himself because he is too difficult to live with me. Ever.

    I continue to wish you the best. And of course your son. Be well!
     
  15. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Welcome, June. When my husband was still living, I used to describe living with him and my son like being on a giant seesaw. My job was to run back and forth between them attempting to keep everything balanced. It was exhausting.

    It sounds like the IOP (what does that stand for?) would be a good idea for your son. He really needs outside help in dealing with the physical and psychological issues and handling his medications properly. Sleep deprivation makes it really hard for a person to think clearly and cope.

    I'm sorry that your son's girlfriend treated him badly. It's tough to recover from a cheating situation. It feels so personal. I've learned that it really says more about the person who did the cheating than it does the partner. I think people who cheat do so out of low self-esteem. They feel drawn to anyone who will pay attention to them, because they don't feel comfortable with who they are. And they don't think about the repercussions, about who they will hurt by their poor choices.
     
  16. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    I know! Makes no sense whatsoever to me. They are willing to take drugs from unknown origins with unknown contents but not prescription drugs. Sometimes I think it's the stigma attached to mental health issues that keeps people from taking their medications.

    Sorry about that. Intensive Outpatient Program - usually meets 3 times a week for several hours. Group therapy, teaching them life styles, coping skills, getting them on the right medications, etc. Our local program is MWF 8:30 - 12:30. They also do drug testing on all patients. Probably why son is bucking this. We know at a minimum he has been smoking weed recently.

    As far as disability - we haven't pursued that at all. I have mentioned to son once or twice if he's too tired to work then he needs to go on disability. Hr just rolled his eyes.

    I think tomorrow will be a pivotal day. Son has an appointment with his therapist - though he never confirmed it, his therapist texted me that the time is blocked for him. Son is telling me it starts 30 minutes later than it is scheduled. Not sure if he is doing that deliberately and is planning on not going by saying he got the times mixed up. I will have his therapist text him in the morning to remind him. ;)

    It's apparent that he doesn't want to go into the outpatient program. He's been in bed all day. He knows if he doesn't agree to this that husband is going to start enforcing some unpleasant consequences. I will support husband the best I can. I will let him handle it because son knows that I am more likely to cave than his father. Truthfully, son has few choices. None of his friends are living in town these days. He could go back to his college town and maybe sleep on someone's couch but I doubt they would feed him and give him gas money. He is extremely shy and doesn't like to ask people for help - even from friends and family members, so to my thinking, the IOP may be the lesser of the two evils.

    Oh, and son hasn't bathed in over a week. I might need to send a bottle of Frebreeze in with him tomorrow. His poor therapist - it's a very small office. Ugh!
     
  17. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I would encourage him to allow you access to his appointment, OR have him ask the doctor re his medications.

    When our son came home we started over with medications, he was way ovdrmedicated and they thought narcolepsy too. He now only takes an antidepressant and lost weight and looks so much better. Maybe medications were ok are first, but he was soon tired!

    He's calm, but his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and nervous ticks aren't going to go away with medications. He's sober...because he chooses to be, I have no doubt he will live on his own at some point in future. We see growth, so we are pleased with that progress.

    There is hope, he won't it seems want to be thrown out, IOP is generally group, so he may like and do well there.

    Praying for positive steps!
     
  18. MissJuneBug

    MissJuneBug South of the Mason-Dixon Line

    I can and have send his psychiatrist an email. His therapist knows and works closely with the psychiatrist and has a call into him also.

    Was your son tested for Narcolepsy? Mine had very pronounced sleep latency test results. Several years later we saw a sleep specialist who also publishes a ton of research on narcolepsy. We were lucky to get him in to see her. She doesn't take many new patients but she was intrigued by his case. She did a spinal tap and the results came back positive for a form of narcolepsy. At this point there is no doubt he has it. And all of that testing was done before he started on the pysch medications.

    My concern is some of the medications the psychiatrist put him last fall on can also cause grogginess the next morning - though he was on all those medications last semester and was able to be out of the house at 6am every morning for his 1.5 hour commute to college.

    In my opinion, even slow growth is a great sign. Some of these kids (esp. boys) don't reach full brain maturity until age 25 or so. I think that's particularly true with kids who have psychiatric issues.
     
  19. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    All our child's help was in rehab, for dual diagnosis. It's hard to understand why no one ever referred him for help as a child, all signs were there. It says he was tested in records, but not sure how thorough.

    25 seems ages away!!!! Lol