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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 593428" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I totally agree with mwm. How stupid to say that. It's like they never studied child development.</p><p></p><p>Why do they think babies are to be feed, cuddled, responded to, etc?</p><p></p><p>It is the first three years of life that are most critical for developing our ability to trust, to engage with others, to form attachments/to bond. It doesn't matter of we remember, our brain wiring is developed during that time. </p><p></p><p>Baby cries, mommy checks....hungry? Wet? Pain?...mommy (or other primary caregiver) gives what's needed....and so on and so on. That is how we learn to trust. That is how we bond.</p><p></p><p>This site has great articles on attachment and the bonding cycle.....it was started by parents who adopted from China but it now it's for any adoption situation that could result in attachment challenges...</p><p>www.attachchina.org</p><p></p><p>Click the tabs on the left for the, symptoms, bonding cycle and ideas for therapy.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of other possible problems, like fetal alcohol or neuro damage, our.....with that severe of an abuse history? I'd be proactive in working on further bonding.</p><p>This does not mean you are doing anything wrong, by the way! It takes specialized techniques....therapists who are not specially trained in that area can do more harm than good.</p><p></p><p>never allow that type of therapy to separate you from your child. (no play therapy with the child/therapist for example). Attachment therapy focuses on parent-child activities and they can't learn to bond to a therapist in this kind of case. That makes things worse.</p><p></p><p>Other than that, I'd also be highly suspicious of neurological damage. (drugs, alcohol...high risk)...</p><p>The neuropsychologist will help sort through the neurological and mental health issues. </p><p></p><p>If you really can't find a neuropsychologist, you can try to find a developmental pediatrician who has a comprehensive evaluation team. (not talking a one hour Dr appointment...but like the neuropsychologist evaluation....a six hour or so kind of thing)</p><p></p><p>If she was exposed to drugs and alcohol, she may also have subtle motor problems and/or sensory integration disorder. An occupationa therapy evaluation can let you know how things are and can offer really good ideas for self regulation, neurological integration, etc. it's usually easier to get into an Occupational Therapist (OT) so bringing this report to the neuropsychologist can be helpful too.</p><p></p><p>While you are working on getting some answers, there are some things you can do that will help any diagnosis ....</p><p></p><p>Things that have helped us have included, therapeutic horse back riding (or just ride and groom if you can't find a therapy program....builds attention, following directions, anxiety control, etc), keep routines and schedules add much as possible, get respite if you can, and use short simple directions, given step by step. Often what looks like defiance is a memory or language our processing problem.</p><p></p><p>Also...laugh! Keep your sense of humor as much as possible.</p><p></p><p>Not only for your mental health, but because these kiddos, get lots of daily corrections, crabby voices, upset facial expressions....etc.</p><p></p><p>Their self concept is shaped by that. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, so glad you found us. Sounds like you have much to investigate, it is quite worth it!</p><p></p><p>Bless your heart for taking her in!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 593428, member: 12886"] I totally agree with mwm. How stupid to say that. It's like they never studied child development. Why do they think babies are to be feed, cuddled, responded to, etc? It is the first three years of life that are most critical for developing our ability to trust, to engage with others, to form attachments/to bond. It doesn't matter of we remember, our brain wiring is developed during that time. Baby cries, mommy checks....hungry? Wet? Pain?...mommy (or other primary caregiver) gives what's needed....and so on and so on. That is how we learn to trust. That is how we bond. This site has great articles on attachment and the bonding cycle.....it was started by parents who adopted from China but it now it's for any adoption situation that could result in attachment challenges... www.attachchina.org Click the tabs on the left for the, symptoms, bonding cycle and ideas for therapy. Regardless of other possible problems, like fetal alcohol or neuro damage, our.....with that severe of an abuse history? I'd be proactive in working on further bonding. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong, by the way! It takes specialized techniques....therapists who are not specially trained in that area can do more harm than good. never allow that type of therapy to separate you from your child. (no play therapy with the child/therapist for example). Attachment therapy focuses on parent-child activities and they can't learn to bond to a therapist in this kind of case. That makes things worse. Other than that, I'd also be highly suspicious of neurological damage. (drugs, alcohol...high risk)... The neuropsychologist will help sort through the neurological and mental health issues. If you really can't find a neuropsychologist, you can try to find a developmental pediatrician who has a comprehensive evaluation team. (not talking a one hour Dr appointment...but like the neuropsychologist evaluation....a six hour or so kind of thing) If she was exposed to drugs and alcohol, she may also have subtle motor problems and/or sensory integration disorder. An occupationa therapy evaluation can let you know how things are and can offer really good ideas for self regulation, neurological integration, etc. it's usually easier to get into an Occupational Therapist (OT) so bringing this report to the neuropsychologist can be helpful too. While you are working on getting some answers, there are some things you can do that will help any diagnosis .... Things that have helped us have included, therapeutic horse back riding (or just ride and groom if you can't find a therapy program....builds attention, following directions, anxiety control, etc), keep routines and schedules add much as possible, get respite if you can, and use short simple directions, given step by step. Often what looks like defiance is a memory or language our processing problem. Also...laugh! Keep your sense of humor as much as possible. Not only for your mental health, but because these kiddos, get lots of daily corrections, crabby voices, upset facial expressions....etc. Their self concept is shaped by that. Anyway, so glad you found us. Sounds like you have much to investigate, it is quite worth it! Bless your heart for taking her in! [/QUOTE]
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