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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 595361" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Loudad2, welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. We here on this board are all too familiar with adult kids who fail to launch for one reason or another. I am not versed well in the law, however, I have heard of that rule in NY. The fact that you live in Mass. has to have some significance, if you have the funds, perhaps consulting an attorney would be the best bet for you. In the absence of that, you might try calling an attorney who works with Child Protective services in your state, they will likely have that information. You also may find out that your son either misunderstood the "facts" or misrepresented them for his own gain. If you are computer savvy and can dig around, you may be able to find that info online as well.</p><p></p><p>I am not clear as to whether your son is living with you or not. If he is and continues to attack you, an option you have is to call the police. Violence is not something you should put up with. You may also need to find out what the eviction rules in your State are, you may have to formally go through the courts in order to evict him from your home, even though he is your son, each state handles that differently. You may also want to look into a restraining order. All of these are options, you are the only one who can decide on the best possible choice. </p><p></p><p>Most of us here find that we have to learn how to parent these kids quite differently. We have to learn to set clear unbreakable boundaries with clear unbreakable consequences which we must uphold no matter what. If he cannot live within those boundaries and consequences, then you need to figure out if you want to live with his behavior or you want him to live elsewhere, where he MAY learn to be responsible for his own actions. Or not. Many of these kids couch surf for YEARS doing little but blaming others............and then there are some who learn and move on. </p><p></p><p>The bottom line is that you and your wife have to determine exactly what it is you are wiling or not willing to put up with. And, once you are clear on it, take action. Find out what the laws are. Make a plan. You and your wife need to be on the same page too, you must present a united front, or he will manipulate one or both of you and put a chasm into your relationship with your spouse. Many of these kids excel at manipulation. </p><p></p><p>It usually becomes necessary for us parents to seek outside help from professionals. Therapy, parent groups, 12 step groups, some place you and your wife can go to get support, ideas, tools, understanding, information, support and answers to your questions. If he has more diagnoses then ADHD, you may also benefit from looking into NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have chapters all over, have very good groups for parents and are easily accessible on line. </p><p></p><p>Posting here helps, you can vent, feel understood, get information and support and know your're not alone. I'm glad you found us. If it works for you, put a signature at the bottom of your post as you see we have done. You also may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post, it's very helpful. I wish you peace on this journey you find yourself on............keep coming back, it helps............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 595361, member: 13542"] Loudad2, welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. We here on this board are all too familiar with adult kids who fail to launch for one reason or another. I am not versed well in the law, however, I have heard of that rule in NY. The fact that you live in Mass. has to have some significance, if you have the funds, perhaps consulting an attorney would be the best bet for you. In the absence of that, you might try calling an attorney who works with Child Protective services in your state, they will likely have that information. You also may find out that your son either misunderstood the "facts" or misrepresented them for his own gain. If you are computer savvy and can dig around, you may be able to find that info online as well. I am not clear as to whether your son is living with you or not. If he is and continues to attack you, an option you have is to call the police. Violence is not something you should put up with. You may also need to find out what the eviction rules in your State are, you may have to formally go through the courts in order to evict him from your home, even though he is your son, each state handles that differently. You may also want to look into a restraining order. All of these are options, you are the only one who can decide on the best possible choice. Most of us here find that we have to learn how to parent these kids quite differently. We have to learn to set clear unbreakable boundaries with clear unbreakable consequences which we must uphold no matter what. If he cannot live within those boundaries and consequences, then you need to figure out if you want to live with his behavior or you want him to live elsewhere, where he MAY learn to be responsible for his own actions. Or not. Many of these kids couch surf for YEARS doing little but blaming others............and then there are some who learn and move on. The bottom line is that you and your wife have to determine exactly what it is you are wiling or not willing to put up with. And, once you are clear on it, take action. Find out what the laws are. Make a plan. You and your wife need to be on the same page too, you must present a united front, or he will manipulate one or both of you and put a chasm into your relationship with your spouse. Many of these kids excel at manipulation. It usually becomes necessary for us parents to seek outside help from professionals. Therapy, parent groups, 12 step groups, some place you and your wife can go to get support, ideas, tools, understanding, information, support and answers to your questions. If he has more diagnoses then ADHD, you may also benefit from looking into NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have chapters all over, have very good groups for parents and are easily accessible on line. Posting here helps, you can vent, feel understood, get information and support and know your're not alone. I'm glad you found us. If it works for you, put a signature at the bottom of your post as you see we have done. You also may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post, it's very helpful. I wish you peace on this journey you find yourself on............keep coming back, it helps............ [/QUOTE]
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