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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 595435" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Loudad2, here we refer to our 'challenging' kids as difficult child's (Gifts from God) just so you know what we're talking about. Something I am always struck by is the similarities in behavior with our kids................ you have asked your son to do absolutely normal things most parents ask of our kids and done for him, perhaps more then other parents..........and YET, he doesn't want to "do anything"..........he is essentially entitled. Something many of us face in our kids. Whatever the reason, mental illness, personality disorders, substance abuse, it really doesn't matter, the end result is you are absorbing the financial, emotional, physical and mental deficiencies, without any return. </p><p></p><p> Your son may have made the process of detachment somewhat easier for you. You don't have to be the one who has to remove him from your home. It's difficult for us to understand their reasoning, most of the time their behavior is completely out of the realm of our ability to comprehend. It is their own world. Detachment is a long process, it has a lot of mine fields, it's unlike any other path I've taken in life, and the most painful too. As soon as you figure out your legal responsibilities continue in your family therapy so you can not only learn to cope with your son's choices, but to actually be happy and find peace. That was my goal, I did not want my life to be about the choices my daughter makes, that would put me in a state of perpetual suffering. Detaching from that has been monumental.............and worth it. </p><p></p><p> In the end, I believe the only choice we're left with is to learn to accept what we cannot change. Your son is young yet, he may see the light, some kids do. I hope that happens for you and for him. In the meantime, learn to detach and accept...........there are many things in life we have no control over, when it comes to our kids, that is pretty devastating to really get. You seem as if you are on the right track, thinking in all the logical and thoughtful ways.............keep you and your wife in supportive environments where you get what YOU need. Go have fun. Enjoy your moments. We're here if you need us...........we really know how it all feels..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 595435, member: 13542"] Loudad2, here we refer to our 'challenging' kids as difficult child's (Gifts from God) just so you know what we're talking about. Something I am always struck by is the similarities in behavior with our kids................ you have asked your son to do absolutely normal things most parents ask of our kids and done for him, perhaps more then other parents..........and YET, he doesn't want to "do anything"..........he is essentially entitled. Something many of us face in our kids. Whatever the reason, mental illness, personality disorders, substance abuse, it really doesn't matter, the end result is you are absorbing the financial, emotional, physical and mental deficiencies, without any return. Your son may have made the process of detachment somewhat easier for you. You don't have to be the one who has to remove him from your home. It's difficult for us to understand their reasoning, most of the time their behavior is completely out of the realm of our ability to comprehend. It is their own world. Detachment is a long process, it has a lot of mine fields, it's unlike any other path I've taken in life, and the most painful too. As soon as you figure out your legal responsibilities continue in your family therapy so you can not only learn to cope with your son's choices, but to actually be happy and find peace. That was my goal, I did not want my life to be about the choices my daughter makes, that would put me in a state of perpetual suffering. Detaching from that has been monumental.............and worth it. In the end, I believe the only choice we're left with is to learn to accept what we cannot change. Your son is young yet, he may see the light, some kids do. I hope that happens for you and for him. In the meantime, learn to detach and accept...........there are many things in life we have no control over, when it comes to our kids, that is pretty devastating to really get. You seem as if you are on the right track, thinking in all the logical and thoughtful ways.............keep you and your wife in supportive environments where you get what YOU need. Go have fun. Enjoy your moments. We're here if you need us...........we really know how it all feels.............. [/QUOTE]
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