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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 197185" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>G'day, Pookybear (we're Garfield fans too).</p><p></p><p>I can 'hear' MWM thinking. She can probably hear me thinking.</p><p></p><p>We can't diagnose on this site, only a health professional should do that. But we CAN and Do often have our own ideas of which direction(s) to begin looking.</p><p></p><p>With your son's history and his prematurity, his problems could be connected to that - or they could be independent. But it is one place to think about. However, finding a possible cause doesn't help with what you have to deal with NOW.</p><p></p><p>If he likes reading factual books, that is actually really good. What specifically do you think is his problem with fiction? I ask, because difficult child 3's problem with fiction is highly specific - he finds the necessary conflict then resolution in a story, to be too upsetting. Even when he has to write something for school, he has difficulty making his writing really tense. What HE finds tense, his teacher finds really boring! It's a bit like that episode in MASH, where BJ is upset after he got a letter from home and after he's been keeping Hawkeye up for hours listening to him fret about it, Hawkeye finally asks, "What is wrong?"</p><p>BJ answers, "It's this letter from Peg. The gutters need cleaning."</p><p>Hawkeye is understandably sarcastic about what he sees as such a trivial problem, but to BJ, it is knowing that someone else has to do HIS task, the husband's job, that is making him so upset.</p><p></p><p>Perspective is the issue.</p><p></p><p>Serious suggestion - it may not be this, but purely to get an idea of one possible direction, go to <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">www.childbrain.com</a> and look for their informal Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Whatever the result, print it out and take it to your son's doctors. See if it gives them an idea of some of the range of things that are worrying you.</p><p></p><p>Also keep a diary on anything that worries you or anything usual. List his talents as well.</p><p></p><p>As for how to manage him - get the book. Read the thread on Early Childhood. Focus on praise and encouragement, and treating him exactly as you want him to treat you. Be aware he may need support and TIME to change from one task/activity to another. So if he's playing a computer game or watching TV, give him a fair chance to stop (let him get to an ad break, or a save point in the game) and also warn him of the upcoming need to change Do it in a friendly way - "Son, your dinner is almost ready. Go wash your hands when you get a chance. Get ready to save your game as soon as you can."</p><p>Don't punish - use natural consequences. If he is late to table, then his dinner will be cold. YOU didn't make it go cold, he did. He will have to reheat it, or eat it cold.</p><p></p><p>Soon he should learn that you are not the problem. In fact, you are the help he needs.</p><p></p><p>Whatever the underlying problem, the book won't fix it. It just makes it easier when you find a more productive way of handling him, and helping him learn how to handle himself.</p><p></p><p>Welcome!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 197185, member: 1991"] G'day, Pookybear (we're Garfield fans too). I can 'hear' MWM thinking. She can probably hear me thinking. We can't diagnose on this site, only a health professional should do that. But we CAN and Do often have our own ideas of which direction(s) to begin looking. With your son's history and his prematurity, his problems could be connected to that - or they could be independent. But it is one place to think about. However, finding a possible cause doesn't help with what you have to deal with NOW. If he likes reading factual books, that is actually really good. What specifically do you think is his problem with fiction? I ask, because difficult child 3's problem with fiction is highly specific - he finds the necessary conflict then resolution in a story, to be too upsetting. Even when he has to write something for school, he has difficulty making his writing really tense. What HE finds tense, his teacher finds really boring! It's a bit like that episode in MASH, where BJ is upset after he got a letter from home and after he's been keeping Hawkeye up for hours listening to him fret about it, Hawkeye finally asks, "What is wrong?" BJ answers, "It's this letter from Peg. The gutters need cleaning." Hawkeye is understandably sarcastic about what he sees as such a trivial problem, but to BJ, it is knowing that someone else has to do HIS task, the husband's job, that is making him so upset. Perspective is the issue. Serious suggestion - it may not be this, but purely to get an idea of one possible direction, go to [url]www.childbrain.com[/url] and look for their informal Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. Whatever the result, print it out and take it to your son's doctors. See if it gives them an idea of some of the range of things that are worrying you. Also keep a diary on anything that worries you or anything usual. List his talents as well. As for how to manage him - get the book. Read the thread on Early Childhood. Focus on praise and encouragement, and treating him exactly as you want him to treat you. Be aware he may need support and TIME to change from one task/activity to another. So if he's playing a computer game or watching TV, give him a fair chance to stop (let him get to an ad break, or a save point in the game) and also warn him of the upcoming need to change Do it in a friendly way - "Son, your dinner is almost ready. Go wash your hands when you get a chance. Get ready to save your game as soon as you can." Don't punish - use natural consequences. If he is late to table, then his dinner will be cold. YOU didn't make it go cold, he did. He will have to reheat it, or eat it cold. Soon he should learn that you are not the problem. In fact, you are the help he needs. Whatever the underlying problem, the book won't fix it. It just makes it easier when you find a more productive way of handling him, and helping him learn how to handle himself. Welcome! Marg [/QUOTE]
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