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Failure to Thrive
New Member...long road
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 731529" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Kat, that's very similar to my experience as a child and unfortunately it can set up fertile ground for codependency, (enabling, rescuing), low self esteem & feelings of unworthiness to grow. It can rob us of our "voice." My (codependency) therapist told me once that I "absorbed the deficiencies of others." That was not the position I wanted to be playing! As many parents here discover, it is US that have to change. Which is why I always advocate therapy or some serious form of support......this is a very challenging journey.</p><p></p><p>Also similar to you, I grew up with quite a bit of mental illness in my bio-family....and I was a sad child too..... and it pained me as well to see anyone hurt......however, what I came to recognize in my own healing is that I needed to heal that sadness and hurt in myself so I wouldn't project it onto others as a way of not dealing with my own pain. There was a well of grief I hadn't known before and expressing that grief was not only liberating......it freed me from the enabling and allowed me to see options I hadn't considered. It opened the door for peace and joy and offered a new sense of acceptance for what I have no control over. It changed my life.</p><p>And, my daughter has been emerging from her own darkness too......our relationship has undergone massive change and is still settling.</p><p></p><p>You're not alone Kat. I'm glad you're here. We'll circle our wagons around you as you move through this. Yes, unload that "very lonely heaviness"...........this is the perfect place to do it. We get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 731529, member: 13542"] Kat, that's very similar to my experience as a child and unfortunately it can set up fertile ground for codependency, (enabling, rescuing), low self esteem & feelings of unworthiness to grow. It can rob us of our "voice." My (codependency) therapist told me once that I "absorbed the deficiencies of others." That was not the position I wanted to be playing! As many parents here discover, it is US that have to change. Which is why I always advocate therapy or some serious form of support......this is a very challenging journey. Also similar to you, I grew up with quite a bit of mental illness in my bio-family....and I was a sad child too..... and it pained me as well to see anyone hurt......however, what I came to recognize in my own healing is that I needed to heal that sadness and hurt in myself so I wouldn't project it onto others as a way of not dealing with my own pain. There was a well of grief I hadn't known before and expressing that grief was not only liberating......it freed me from the enabling and allowed me to see options I hadn't considered. It opened the door for peace and joy and offered a new sense of acceptance for what I have no control over. It changed my life. And, my daughter has been emerging from her own darkness too......our relationship has undergone massive change and is still settling. You're not alone Kat. I'm glad you're here. We'll circle our wagons around you as you move through this. Yes, unload that "very lonely heaviness"...........this is the perfect place to do it. We get it. [/QUOTE]
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