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Parent Emeritus
New member looking for support and advice about difficult realtionship with her daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 676783" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi July, glad you have found us, but so sorry for your need to be here. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it is hard to see a situation, for what it is, until we take a step back from it. It is good you are posting here, it gives you the opportunity to view what's been going on, in written form, vent a bit, and receive responses from parents who have dealt with similar trials.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>These are our children, we just want the best for them. </em></p><p></p><p>I know, I have been there, trying, and trying, wondering how things got to the place they were at.</p><p></p><p>We have been dealing with difficulties with two daughters for quite some time.</p><p></p><p>As mothers, we want to provide, protect and care for our children, it is natural for us to want to nurture them. Our relationships can go through rough times when they become teenagers, and if they fail to launch as adults, I think we just get into the habit of<em> helping</em>, then <em>over-helping</em>.</p><p> In my State, even if it is an adult child living in our home, they are legally considered "tenants". There is a process of eviction. You may want to check your State laws. One of my neigbors lived with her boyfriend, and her son still lived at her home with his girlfriend. Mom came to the house to try to remove her. Police were called, and the girl produced mail addressed to the home. Mom had no mail. The police could not do anything.</p><p> You are her mother, July, you have been gracious to let her live in your home, and she is verbally abusive?</p><p>This is your home, why does she think she has the right to refuse you entry?</p><p>With this, she is already behaving as a tenant, with rights.</p><p> </p><p>This does not surprise me. Our two, would take things while we were at work. I thought at first, I was misplacing stuff, then it was pretty obvious. It became blatant. There are many posts here, where d cs have stolen money, family heirlooms, treasured jewelry, credit card theft, the list goes on and on. You are not alone in this.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you. It is unacceptable, not only the theft, <em>all of it</em>. </p><p> This is sad, July, you were trying to reconnect with your daughter. She has taken advantage of your kindness. You are probably correct about her using drugs. This is usually the case, with this type of behavior. It is true, that drugs are first and foremost, in an addicts mind. Everything else, including family, is last.</p><p></p><p> July, what you have with your daughter, is a relationship jeopardized already, through her actions. She is disrespectfully<em> walking all over you.</em></p><p>The more leeway you give her to mistreat you, the more she will.</p><p>You have value, you matter.</p><p>I hope you are able to find a solution to this.</p><p>It is hard to take steps we are not used to.</p><p>You have already begun, by posting here. The folks who respond, have been on similar journeys and offer advice and guidance. Whatever your choice may be, we are here to support you.</p><p>Keep posting, more will come along and share their thoughts.</p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 676783, member: 19522"] Hi July, glad you have found us, but so sorry for your need to be here. Sometimes, it is hard to see a situation, for what it is, until we take a step back from it. It is good you are posting here, it gives you the opportunity to view what's been going on, in written form, vent a bit, and receive responses from parents who have dealt with similar trials. [I] These are our children, we just want the best for them. [/I] I know, I have been there, trying, and trying, wondering how things got to the place they were at. We have been dealing with difficulties with two daughters for quite some time. As mothers, we want to provide, protect and care for our children, it is natural for us to want to nurture them. Our relationships can go through rough times when they become teenagers, and if they fail to launch as adults, I think we just get into the habit of[I] helping[/I], then [I]over-helping[/I]. In my State, even if it is an adult child living in our home, they are legally considered "tenants". There is a process of eviction. You may want to check your State laws. One of my neigbors lived with her boyfriend, and her son still lived at her home with his girlfriend. Mom came to the house to try to remove her. Police were called, and the girl produced mail addressed to the home. Mom had no mail. The police could not do anything. You are her mother, July, you have been gracious to let her live in your home, and she is verbally abusive? This is your home, why does she think she has the right to refuse you entry? With this, she is already behaving as a tenant, with rights. This does not surprise me. Our two, would take things while we were at work. I thought at first, I was misplacing stuff, then it was pretty obvious. It became blatant. There are many posts here, where d cs have stolen money, family heirlooms, treasured jewelry, credit card theft, the list goes on and on. You are not alone in this. I am sorry this is happening to you. It is unacceptable, not only the theft, [I]all of it[/I]. This is sad, July, you were trying to reconnect with your daughter. She has taken advantage of your kindness. You are probably correct about her using drugs. This is usually the case, with this type of behavior. It is true, that drugs are first and foremost, in an addicts mind. Everything else, including family, is last. July, what you have with your daughter, is a relationship jeopardized already, through her actions. She is disrespectfully[I] walking all over you.[/I] The more leeway you give her to mistreat you, the more she will. You have value, you matter. I hope you are able to find a solution to this. It is hard to take steps we are not used to. You have already begun, by posting here. The folks who respond, have been on similar journeys and offer advice and guidance. Whatever your choice may be, we are here to support you. Keep posting, more will come along and share their thoughts. Hugs for your hurting heart. leafy [/QUOTE]
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New member looking for support and advice about difficult realtionship with her daughter
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