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<blockquote data-quote="Asdf" data-source="post: 737175" data-attributes="member: 22485"><p>Sumsky- I only came across your post yesterday. Just wanted to say I completely empathize and our situations are similar in many ways. My mother-in-law adopted a child when she was in her mid 50s and he was 2. He had severe neglect for the first few years of his life. My husband and I have small children. The adopted child is now 15. Long story short, the adopted child had many questionable behaviors. You couldn't even leave the room for a second. He would do things to my kids like squeeze their arms if he even got a second with them. He was caught harming animals numerous times. He began following me into other rooms and standing behind me trying to watch diaper changes or lingering near the bathroom while I was bathing them. He had no respect for authority and my mother in law would get angry if you corrected him. No sense of personal space and would get within inches of your face when talking. I put my foot down and said he was no longer allowed near my kids. This caused huge arguments between my husband and I ... who still accuses me of breaking up his family. My mother-in-law still refuses to talk to me after 2 years and went on a smear campaign with other family members. She has called me every derogatory name in the book. </p><p>She also claimed she took him to a counselor and "he is not a threat/harm to himself or anyone else." I work in the behavioral health field. I have never seen a counselor do this, nor would I ever say this myself. You can only go based on what the person tells you and that doesn't mean they aren't lying. They aren't psychics. For the past 2 years everything is a lie and this child is "perfect." I would really like to know what is actually going on. After this situation, I can see how abuse goes on in family for years when people know about it and refuse to acknowledge it. I'm glad you are stepping in and I know how hard it is. I considered a divorce as well since the arguing was so bad. It seems like most people get joint custody of the children and the thought of my husband having my kids around him without me there made me sick. He says he knows there's something wrong with the kid, but also seems to want his mothers approval. I don't think there's any way to stop that ... unless something bad actually happens. My husband too went back and forth numerous times and I was accused of "over reacting." Someone trying to constantly peek at diaper changes with an 11 year age difference ... there's something wrong there and I had to step in before it escalated. Stay strong and do what is right for your kids. You can't let them be scarred for life to please everyone else. You are doing the right thing. I too have questioned my sanity several times which is normal when everyone else in the family doesn't see the red flags - or refuses to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Asdf, post: 737175, member: 22485"] Sumsky- I only came across your post yesterday. Just wanted to say I completely empathize and our situations are similar in many ways. My mother-in-law adopted a child when she was in her mid 50s and he was 2. He had severe neglect for the first few years of his life. My husband and I have small children. The adopted child is now 15. Long story short, the adopted child had many questionable behaviors. You couldn't even leave the room for a second. He would do things to my kids like squeeze their arms if he even got a second with them. He was caught harming animals numerous times. He began following me into other rooms and standing behind me trying to watch diaper changes or lingering near the bathroom while I was bathing them. He had no respect for authority and my mother in law would get angry if you corrected him. No sense of personal space and would get within inches of your face when talking. I put my foot down and said he was no longer allowed near my kids. This caused huge arguments between my husband and I ... who still accuses me of breaking up his family. My mother-in-law still refuses to talk to me after 2 years and went on a smear campaign with other family members. She has called me every derogatory name in the book. She also claimed she took him to a counselor and "he is not a threat/harm to himself or anyone else." I work in the behavioral health field. I have never seen a counselor do this, nor would I ever say this myself. You can only go based on what the person tells you and that doesn't mean they aren't lying. They aren't psychics. For the past 2 years everything is a lie and this child is "perfect." I would really like to know what is actually going on. After this situation, I can see how abuse goes on in family for years when people know about it and refuse to acknowledge it. I'm glad you are stepping in and I know how hard it is. I considered a divorce as well since the arguing was so bad. It seems like most people get joint custody of the children and the thought of my husband having my kids around him without me there made me sick. He says he knows there's something wrong with the kid, but also seems to want his mothers approval. I don't think there's any way to stop that ... unless something bad actually happens. My husband too went back and forth numerous times and I was accused of "over reacting." Someone trying to constantly peek at diaper changes with an 11 year age difference ... there's something wrong there and I had to step in before it escalated. Stay strong and do what is right for your kids. You can't let them be scarred for life to please everyone else. You are doing the right thing. I too have questioned my sanity several times which is normal when everyone else in the family doesn't see the red flags - or refuses to. [/QUOTE]
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