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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742337" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Basically he told you where he stood. He wants this all to go away. He told you to leave if you would not go with the party line, which was ostrich in the sand. I do not think this is the end of the story, but at the same time I think you have no place to stand given where he is.</p><p></p><p>I do not discount that he can overcome this. He has come a long way. It did not seem at first that he would go along with any of this. He was so wobbly, but he did go along with the program of evaluation. I think you are in the midst of a crisis, and he is in a worse crisis. This will take time for him. I do believe he can come to his senses. If this was not a possibility why would he have gone this far? Was it because he wanted to keep the relationship with you? Was it fear and caring for his child? Was it an awareness that son did a horrible thing, and he knew it? But he is maxed out for now.</p><p></p><p>But even if husband finds his spine, there is still your daughter. I do believe she is the priority, but it is not so simple to say what serves her. Certainly denial and scapegoating do not serve her. Certainly being around stepson does not serve her. Certainly living with anxiety that he come back, does not serve her. </p><p></p><p>In some sense, your husband is right. He sees the writing on the wall. That there is no circumstance that this can be a unified family. It has been broken in half. Because if his son is a perpetrator, regardless of his diagnosis, he can never be with your daughter again. And this is the reality of things. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>I do not think your husband is a bad guy. But he may be a weak one, a limited one. But he could be a weak man, on the way to being stronger.</p><p>I feel bad for you. I think you have decided wisely and well. But I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742337, member: 18958"] Basically he told you where he stood. He wants this all to go away. He told you to leave if you would not go with the party line, which was ostrich in the sand. I do not think this is the end of the story, but at the same time I think you have no place to stand given where he is. I do not discount that he can overcome this. He has come a long way. It did not seem at first that he would go along with any of this. He was so wobbly, but he did go along with the program of evaluation. I think you are in the midst of a crisis, and he is in a worse crisis. This will take time for him. I do believe he can come to his senses. If this was not a possibility why would he have gone this far? Was it because he wanted to keep the relationship with you? Was it fear and caring for his child? Was it an awareness that son did a horrible thing, and he knew it? But he is maxed out for now. But even if husband finds his spine, there is still your daughter. I do believe she is the priority, but it is not so simple to say what serves her. Certainly denial and scapegoating do not serve her. Certainly being around stepson does not serve her. Certainly living with anxiety that he come back, does not serve her. In some sense, your husband is right. He sees the writing on the wall. That there is no circumstance that this can be a unified family. It has been broken in half. Because if his son is a perpetrator, regardless of his diagnosis, he can never be with your daughter again. And this is the reality of things. I am sorry. I do not think your husband is a bad guy. But he may be a weak one, a limited one. But he could be a weak man, on the way to being stronger. I feel bad for you. I think you have decided wisely and well. But I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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