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<blockquote data-quote="SunnyNC" data-source="post: 19048" data-attributes="member: 3459"><p>Thank you all for your incredibly detailed responses. It is a lot of help to know there are many out there who have been there done that and can offer advice to those of us who are just finding out that it isn't US and that there really HAS been something going on with our difficult child and we are not alone! I am going to go to the library Monday and look for some of the recommended readings and start learning as much as I can prior to the Dr's appointments begin. I am already stressing about costs associated with whatever testing will need to be done, but we will figure it out one way or the other and do whatever needs to be done. </p><p></p><p>I gave my son a couple of options about dinner tonight. I told him he is very welcome to have dinner before our company comes over, and then if he wants, he can just spend the rest of the time in his room. I told him he can also join us as normal for dinner and participate as he wants, but has to respect those around him in the process. I am usually not one to give an option like this...it has always been you will eat dinner with us, you will not be disrespectful, or there will be consequences (stay in room, go to bed, restriction, etc). Now knowing that the reason he seems to hold a grudge may have nothing to do with things in his control, I am more willing today to be more flexible in my demands with him. As I gave him his options, he was obviously angry that he would even have the option of having to be in the same house as my neighbor (who has LONG since moved past what took place last week) and became tearful but I let him know the choice was his and he seemed to ultimately understand. </p><p></p><p>I have a chart on my refridgerator for him...a behavior chart. There are rows of blank squares and at the end of each row is a "reward" square. I did something like this when he was MUCH younger, but felt that maybe I should break it out again. It is more of a visual cue as to how he is doing I guess. Anyway, he can put a star in one box on a row every time he is caught saying something nice to someone, being nice to someone, or not having arguing with others. It seems to be working with him so far....on Valentine's day, I had to walk him to his class as we had to bring brownies for the class party. He excused himself before I could get to the classroom saying he had to go do something in the main hallway, but would not tell me what it was. I dropped the brownies off in the classroom and as I was on my way out, he met my easy child and I in the hall. He was carrying a carnation flower for me and a goodie bag for my easy child. He told me later he did this so he could get a star....I gave him 2, one for being nice to me, the other for being nice to his sister. Of course it doesn't work for everything and every day...but he was/is proud of his stars on his chart. </p><p></p><p>Have a great day!</p><p>Rachel</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SunnyNC, post: 19048, member: 3459"] Thank you all for your incredibly detailed responses. It is a lot of help to know there are many out there who have been there done that and can offer advice to those of us who are just finding out that it isn't US and that there really HAS been something going on with our difficult child and we are not alone! I am going to go to the library Monday and look for some of the recommended readings and start learning as much as I can prior to the Dr's appointments begin. I am already stressing about costs associated with whatever testing will need to be done, but we will figure it out one way or the other and do whatever needs to be done. I gave my son a couple of options about dinner tonight. I told him he is very welcome to have dinner before our company comes over, and then if he wants, he can just spend the rest of the time in his room. I told him he can also join us as normal for dinner and participate as he wants, but has to respect those around him in the process. I am usually not one to give an option like this...it has always been you will eat dinner with us, you will not be disrespectful, or there will be consequences (stay in room, go to bed, restriction, etc). Now knowing that the reason he seems to hold a grudge may have nothing to do with things in his control, I am more willing today to be more flexible in my demands with him. As I gave him his options, he was obviously angry that he would even have the option of having to be in the same house as my neighbor (who has LONG since moved past what took place last week) and became tearful but I let him know the choice was his and he seemed to ultimately understand. I have a chart on my refridgerator for him...a behavior chart. There are rows of blank squares and at the end of each row is a "reward" square. I did something like this when he was MUCH younger, but felt that maybe I should break it out again. It is more of a visual cue as to how he is doing I guess. Anyway, he can put a star in one box on a row every time he is caught saying something nice to someone, being nice to someone, or not having arguing with others. It seems to be working with him so far....on Valentine's day, I had to walk him to his class as we had to bring brownies for the class party. He excused himself before I could get to the classroom saying he had to go do something in the main hallway, but would not tell me what it was. I dropped the brownies off in the classroom and as I was on my way out, he met my easy child and I in the hall. He was carrying a carnation flower for me and a goodie bag for my easy child. He told me later he did this so he could get a star....I gave him 2, one for being nice to me, the other for being nice to his sister. Of course it doesn't work for everything and every day...but he was/is proud of his stars on his chart. Have a great day! Rachel [/QUOTE]
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