New Member with ADD Child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by xexcape, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. xexcape

    xexcape New Member

    Hello, my name is Shery and I have a son who was diagnosed with ADD/ODD in May of 2008. It was a very long process and has been a rough couple of years. I have gotten several books to help me learn how to manage my son and different parental techniques and advice. My son is taking Concerta and it seems to help at school.

    However, at home it is a different story. I have no other friends who have children with ADD and lots of friends/co-workers who think it's a scam or an excuse for children to act the way they do. I have been told several times that it is because I am divorced and the father is not involved or it could be my parenting techniques.

    My son talks back continuously. I try grounding, push ups, running, time out (ALOT), talking, yelling, and yes the one time whooping his butt. NONE of it works. The littlest thing sets him off. He is great at school, but as soon as he gets home and wants to do something and I say no, then it is World War III.

    The doctor tells me that I can dress him in girls clothes and send him to school, ground him, and I need to stop getting angry. BUT HOW CAN I NOT GET ANGRY???? My son continuously tells me its my fault that my ex-husband left me (which in fact he wasn't ready to be a father and only steps in on his birthday and christmas). My son continuously tells me that he is going to run away or call the Sheriff's office on me to report me grounding him or for time out. He tells neighbors, teachers, and friends that I am ruthlessly mean and treat him badly and he hates me. All because he gets in trouble for minor things or because I make him do chores (dishes, vaccumming, etc.) which he fails to tell them what he gets in trouble for. Then he gets in more trouble by starting his tantrums and talking back and being a smartypants.

    I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm hurt. BUT most of all, I want my sweet little boy back before his attitude and behavior kicked in. No one understands what my day is like. Noone understands that everyday is a little bit like pure hell and my job has no time for it.

    I'm wondering constantly if I really am a bad parent. I'm wondering if I should just walk down to Social Services and say, "I give up." I sometimes wonder if I should just take him down to the Sheriff's office and say, "Give him a tour, talk some sense into him." Would any of that help?

    I'm tired of him telling me that I don't love him, that I don't want him, that I am mean and hateful, that he wants to run away, that he hates me, and several other things. No matter how much I say I love him, that I want him more than life, that everything I do is for him with work, that he is my angel...nothing gets through.

    I'm at a loss where to go from here. I keep running into counselors that don't hold him "accountable for his actions." I realize he is only ten, but come on....he doesn't know when he shouldn't talk back?? If I say he is grounded for two days, he comes back with I thought you said a week. if I say go to your room, I have to physically carry him to his room (a lot). If I tell him not to get out of bed at night, he does it several times and then I have to put him back in bed. Which means less sleep for me and a hard time getting up for work. If I say do dishes I am verbally assulted constantly. I have a house alarm just to make sure he DOESNT run away.

    Does anyone have any idea when enough is enough? When does it get better? Do I need to have medication up'd? Is it this hard for anyone else? When do I tell my friends to back off and stop trying to treat me as if I AM THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM?? Because he acts like a perfect angel at everyone else's house, so it MUST be me.

    Thank you.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd!

    Personally, I think you're dealing with a little more than ADD. Quite a lot of the time, ADD is a symptom of something else rather than the actual "diagnosis". I'm not a Dr. or anything, so it's just an observation.

    First: you're in with a group now that TOTALLY gets what you're saying!

    Second: your feelings about "running away from home" are perfectly normal. Those of us raising kids like ours are under the gun 24/7. I personally am in "give up" mode myself and want to run screaming into the night (my 10 year old is a pain in the butt ALWAYS!).

    I would suggest a neuropsychologist evaluation. It's a boat load of tests done over a period of time that a neuropsychologist performs and gives you a lot more insight as to what's going on with him. Also, try reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It may give you some strategies to work with him - he's going to be too big to wrestle with when you send him to his room!

    I'm headed to bed, but wanted to say "hi!" and "Welcome"! You've met a great group - visit often!

  3. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Yea, ADHD is quite the joke, isn't it? Maybe the naysayers will take him for a month or two? lol

    I may have missed it, but how old is your son?
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi I just wanted to welcome you also.
    Tell us more about your situation when you have time.
    Who diagnosis'd him. What medications have you tried. Is he getting any services at school? Any family history of disorders or issues?

    Welcome and no you are not alone! Nor a bad parent.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome to our little corner of the world.

    I have not dealt with true ADHD (my kids were misdiagnosed). However, I read your post with sadness & anger. To be called a bad mother or have your own son threaten to report you for abuse.

    Your son has seriously overstepped boundaries that you need to take back. Your issues with your ex are yours, not his. Let him know that it's a topic that's off limits. If he threatens to report you for abuse, dial 911 & hand him the phone.

    In the meantime, I hope your search for the right treatment plan for your difficult child comes quickly. Sending positive thoughts for you this morning. Sounds like you need them.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi! I just want to say Welcome and I am glad you are here. But sorry you need to be here if you know what I mean?

    We ALL truly, deeply understand what you are going through and how you feel. The book NVTS recommended is EXCELLENT! I also highly recomend the Love & Logic books ( and their website. It really helps to go through the website and see which book is right for your situation. (But if you come back here and click the link to go to to buy them it helps support the site! - NOT REQUIRED, just a factoid!)

    I also want to recommend a book to help you deal with all the anger. It really helped me. It has a more Christian leaning than I have, but it was helpful all the same. The title is "She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger" and the author is Julie Ann Barnhill. I read an older edition, but this one is also very good.
    (If you need a cheaper alternative for the books, and the library doesn't have them or cannot get them quickly, you might try - I often see books listed for $1 plus shipping)

    I will pop back in later when my mind is working, just wanted to say Hi!

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome. Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation? Sounds like more than ADD/ODD to me. That's a common first diagnosis. and often not the last one. Is he on medication? Does it help? If not, that's a red flag that it's maybe not just ADD.
    You are NOT a bad parent. Some kids are born wired differently and they are hard to parent and they don't respond to regular parenting methods. I recommend buying "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. In the meantime, I'd ask your pediatrician for a referral to a neuropsychologist (which is way different than a neurologist). You will get 6-10 hours of intensive testing and more answers than you've ever had before. They do intensive testing for ALL disorders, Learning Disability (LD)'s, and deficits (as well as strengths). Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of his family tree? That could give you a big clue, even if the person in question has never been formally diagnosed.
    Welcome to the board :)
  8. robinm1922

    robinm1922 One day at a time

    I am still kind of new here and this board is a blessing. I am in kind of the same boat, all my friends and family telling me my difficult child is pretending and I am not hard enough on her. Until I found this "home" I thought I was all alone. I went in for some therapy for me which helped me out A LOT. More than I would have thought. I am getting ready to start the Neuro testing with my difficult child, we are a little opposite from you. She was diagnosis with Major Depression and now think she may have ADHD mixed in. I know with my difficult child when the depression hit full force she was really angry and for kids with depression they are more angry than sad.
    It would be a good idea to check into the testing, it is suppose to show anything and everything that is wrong.
    No matter what is going on the people on this board are awesome and always ready to help. You just need to make sure you are ready to listen because some people tell it like it is no sugar coating!
    Best of luck,