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New mom here with serious issues with ADHD 10 y/o son
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<blockquote data-quote="ivehadit1975" data-source="post: 611089" data-attributes="member: 17126"><p>I agree midwestmom, </p><p>a little bit about his childhood. When i got preg with him, His father and I were both in the army. After I found out i was preg (which when the war broke out in iraq) i started papers to get out of the service. So we moved from ft campbell kentucky to ft hood, killeen where as soon as we got there, his father was deployed 1 week after we moved. He was not even home for the birth of difficult child. gone for a year, didnt see his son until he was actually 3 months old. so when he came back, we moved into a bigger place (when we moved initially, we had to take what we could which was a one bedroom). so once we moved, things started with his father and i...fighting all the time. but we really tried not to do it around difficult child. But you know how that works, they still hear things, but he was an infant. Anyway, not long after being home from deployment, we had to move again because the trailer we were in was falling apart. once we moved that time, his father was in the field A LOT, gone for weeks at a time, home for a few days, then off again. So pretty much i was the only one that raised him from birth until he was 3. His father deployed again for 18 months, then i got an email from him stating he wanted a divorce. So once that happened, difficult child and I packed up and moved back to my home town. Where we got an apartment and started working and he started day care. His father was not really around a lot once he got back to the states. It wasnt really until difficult child was almost 5 that he actually came back around and got out of the service. It has always been a real struggle between his father and I with him visiting his son. He gives more excuses as to why he cant get him or going to be a day late or whatever than anyone i know. difficult child now sees it and when his father tells me he isnt going to get to come, difficult child says "im use to it, he does it all the time and he spends more time with his car friends than he does me". I have no doubt that difficult child's father loves him, but he really is a selfish man and that is in part of what caused our divorce, among other things. </p><p>So in the proceedings of our divorce, I met a man, which now is my husband. He loves and cares so much for my son, he has a 14 year old daughter himself, but never gets to see her. He is very strict on my son though, and there was a time that when he would be so difficult on my son, i would get really upset over it. But you have to think, my boy is all i had for 5 years. he was my everything every day without stopping. So having someone come in that actually was more of a disciplinarian parent, was difficult. my son loves husband too. sometimes he has thought that husband didnt like him just because of how hard he is on him, but its only because he was/is so use to me letting things go. (which i did for way to long, i spoiled him rotten!!)but there is also another reason behind that i wont get into right now. perhaps that is due for some help too in another post/thread). </p><p>so as far as abuse, no, there has never been any sort of abuse done to him other than the fact his father wouldnt come around much for a while there. Also as far as my dog, he is no longer with us. We do have two dogs and a cat now, and he just adores them and they him. i've never seen him hurt these animals ever and if he had, i think it would be clear by their actions towards him and i've never seen a fearful bone in their body when he is around. </p><p>Fires, no interest, Loves everyone he meets. Makes great friends, Talks to anyone and everyone. social butterfly is what i call him. Makes good grades, hates school, but what kid actually loves it lol. He's a very spiritual little fella, loves God and speaks of him often with everyone, witnesses if you will. </p><p>anyway, last year i did finally ask my son if he wanted to know why his father and i divorced. he had been asking me for a couple of years, but i didnt feel he would really understand. So he said yes and I explained to him and was very honest and the whole time, he said that he has always thought it was his fault. i assured him that by no means was it him that caused our divorce, if anything we tried to work out our differences so that we could raise him together, but we just got to a point it was not feasible and had to split. He now understands, however he still doesnt like it. We dont talk about it because he says it just makes him mad. So that is something that I think needs to be addressed during therapy. his therapist is aware of this too. </p><p>you mentioned talking about violence or gory stuff. Well when he has gotten mad at the boys that live across the street, which have bullied him quite a bit, he did come home one day and said "if i had a gun i would blow all their heads off". to say the least, that floored me and we talked about it. i called his therapist immediately after we talked and let him know that this needed to be addressed asap. so we went in for a session. son told the dr about what he said and he said he didnt mean it and knew that it was very wrong for him to say that, but he was just really upset and angry. ive never heard him say anything else regarding hurting someone else or himself. </p><p>I have noticed over the past couple of years that he has become very attached to me, more so than he was. constantly around me, up my butt, doesnt play by himself, gets bored super easy, has to be doing something and wanting me or husband to play or whatever. So we do. but use to he could sit and play alone without a problem. i've always been close to him, read books with him nightly (still do sometimes) play games, snuggle and watch cartoons or whatever. ive always tried to keep him close, but it seems the older he gets its like he is missing something or afraid of missing something. i thought maybe i wasnt doing enough for him, ignoring him or whatever, but sa i've looked more into how we spend our days and nights, that wasnt/isnt the case. So i'm not sure what is going on there. I do know that when he is at his fathers, is dad doesnt do hardly anything with him. which in my initial post, i described how they are with each other. </p><p>So i dont know. Hope this background and early years description helps in you guys helping me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ivehadit1975, post: 611089, member: 17126"] I agree midwestmom, a little bit about his childhood. When i got preg with him, His father and I were both in the army. After I found out i was preg (which when the war broke out in iraq) i started papers to get out of the service. So we moved from ft campbell kentucky to ft hood, killeen where as soon as we got there, his father was deployed 1 week after we moved. He was not even home for the birth of difficult child. gone for a year, didnt see his son until he was actually 3 months old. so when he came back, we moved into a bigger place (when we moved initially, we had to take what we could which was a one bedroom). so once we moved, things started with his father and i...fighting all the time. but we really tried not to do it around difficult child. But you know how that works, they still hear things, but he was an infant. Anyway, not long after being home from deployment, we had to move again because the trailer we were in was falling apart. once we moved that time, his father was in the field A LOT, gone for weeks at a time, home for a few days, then off again. So pretty much i was the only one that raised him from birth until he was 3. His father deployed again for 18 months, then i got an email from him stating he wanted a divorce. So once that happened, difficult child and I packed up and moved back to my home town. Where we got an apartment and started working and he started day care. His father was not really around a lot once he got back to the states. It wasnt really until difficult child was almost 5 that he actually came back around and got out of the service. It has always been a real struggle between his father and I with him visiting his son. He gives more excuses as to why he cant get him or going to be a day late or whatever than anyone i know. difficult child now sees it and when his father tells me he isnt going to get to come, difficult child says "im use to it, he does it all the time and he spends more time with his car friends than he does me". I have no doubt that difficult child's father loves him, but he really is a selfish man and that is in part of what caused our divorce, among other things. So in the proceedings of our divorce, I met a man, which now is my husband. He loves and cares so much for my son, he has a 14 year old daughter himself, but never gets to see her. He is very strict on my son though, and there was a time that when he would be so difficult on my son, i would get really upset over it. But you have to think, my boy is all i had for 5 years. he was my everything every day without stopping. So having someone come in that actually was more of a disciplinarian parent, was difficult. my son loves husband too. sometimes he has thought that husband didnt like him just because of how hard he is on him, but its only because he was/is so use to me letting things go. (which i did for way to long, i spoiled him rotten!!)but there is also another reason behind that i wont get into right now. perhaps that is due for some help too in another post/thread). so as far as abuse, no, there has never been any sort of abuse done to him other than the fact his father wouldnt come around much for a while there. Also as far as my dog, he is no longer with us. We do have two dogs and a cat now, and he just adores them and they him. i've never seen him hurt these animals ever and if he had, i think it would be clear by their actions towards him and i've never seen a fearful bone in their body when he is around. Fires, no interest, Loves everyone he meets. Makes great friends, Talks to anyone and everyone. social butterfly is what i call him. Makes good grades, hates school, but what kid actually loves it lol. He's a very spiritual little fella, loves God and speaks of him often with everyone, witnesses if you will. anyway, last year i did finally ask my son if he wanted to know why his father and i divorced. he had been asking me for a couple of years, but i didnt feel he would really understand. So he said yes and I explained to him and was very honest and the whole time, he said that he has always thought it was his fault. i assured him that by no means was it him that caused our divorce, if anything we tried to work out our differences so that we could raise him together, but we just got to a point it was not feasible and had to split. He now understands, however he still doesnt like it. We dont talk about it because he says it just makes him mad. So that is something that I think needs to be addressed during therapy. his therapist is aware of this too. you mentioned talking about violence or gory stuff. Well when he has gotten mad at the boys that live across the street, which have bullied him quite a bit, he did come home one day and said "if i had a gun i would blow all their heads off". to say the least, that floored me and we talked about it. i called his therapist immediately after we talked and let him know that this needed to be addressed asap. so we went in for a session. son told the dr about what he said and he said he didnt mean it and knew that it was very wrong for him to say that, but he was just really upset and angry. ive never heard him say anything else regarding hurting someone else or himself. I have noticed over the past couple of years that he has become very attached to me, more so than he was. constantly around me, up my butt, doesnt play by himself, gets bored super easy, has to be doing something and wanting me or husband to play or whatever. So we do. but use to he could sit and play alone without a problem. i've always been close to him, read books with him nightly (still do sometimes) play games, snuggle and watch cartoons or whatever. ive always tried to keep him close, but it seems the older he gets its like he is missing something or afraid of missing something. i thought maybe i wasnt doing enough for him, ignoring him or whatever, but sa i've looked more into how we spend our days and nights, that wasnt/isnt the case. So i'm not sure what is going on there. I do know that when he is at his fathers, is dad doesnt do hardly anything with him. which in my initial post, i described how they are with each other. So i dont know. Hope this background and early years description helps in you guys helping me. [/QUOTE]
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