ivehadit1975
New Member
Good afternoon everyone,
I am at a loss on what to do with my Son anymore. We have been at battle for nearly 5 years now with him. He has been diagnosis with ADHD, which i knew long ago that he had but his dad (my ex) didnt believe me and wouldnt ever agree on letting me have him tested until last year.
i'll back up a bit and tell you a little bit of our troubles.
when son was in 1st grade is when it really started. He stayed in trouble, throwing chairs, yelling, screaming, hitting walls with his head, fist, feet, etc. At home, he would do the same. No respect for me or any other female figure. this went on for much of the year and into the 2nd grade for most of the year. I would talk to his father about it, he would constantly say that he didnt have any problems with him at his house. Well come to find out, the structure level between my home and his fathers was and still is for the most part, VERY DIFFERENT!! i've always had a set time for everything with my son due to how he acts. so i felt and still feel that he needs that structure. Where as at his fathers when he visits, he lets him run rampid, eat, drink, watch whatever and go to bed whenever he wants, sometimes as late as 2-4am playing games then sleeping until 2-3-4 oclock in the afternoon. doesnt make him bath, change clothes, brush his teeth, etc. its gotten a little (and i mean only a little) better, but nontheless, there is no structure!!
so anyway, sorry this is so long, i'm just needing to get all this out and i have no where else to go as you will see.
so one day during his 2nd grade year, he came home, throwing his usual fits, i walked out of the room he was in and into the kitchen. after a few minutes in the kitchen i went back in to check on him where i found him choking my yorkie!!! I flipped out!!! It was the last straw for me. He couldnt answer me as to why he was doing it. I couldnt believe what I had just seen. I immediately called his father to let him know what was going on and i told him i cant do this. I have tried and tried and with out his help, so i told him he needed to come and get him. maybe i was doing something wrong, or something. i just did not know. My husband couldnt get through to my son either. it was a constant battle between them, much like the kiddo and myself. he didnt know what to do with him either. So we packed up some bags for my son and he went to live with his father. That was by far one of the hardest things i think i've ever had to endure!! I was a failure, i've ruined my son, im a horrificly horrible mother!!! thats all i could think for so long!!
so, with him at his fathers, we did the bi weekend visits and sometimes more during the summer, things seemed to be changing a little. he still didnt have any respect for me though, but his attitude did seem to change a little, for a short time. so after about a year and a half, the trouble started all over with my son and his father this time...he would call me asking WTH do i do!! many times over the course of the time he was there when the trouble started, myself, my husband and sons father and new wife got together to talk things out and see what we can all do to help our kiddo. nothing was helping, when i say nothing, i meant absolutely nothing. punishment was from time outs to butt whippins, to military style punishment (push ups, sit ups, running, etc etc), taking everything he loved away, games, tv, toys, etc. even emptied his room completly out with nothing more than a bed, blanket and pillow. Still it didnt matter to him. he still continued, getting in trouble at home and school. defiant, argumentative, you name it. SOOOO...after much time, talking and debating between the 4 of us and the schools help, the ex finally agreed that maybe our child needed some doctor involvement. so we set it up, he was placed on adderall...he seemed to calm quite well, could focus better, fits subsided, things started to look up. was enjoying life again. so the next time he went to the doctor for a check up, his dad said he didnt see the same signs that i saw that he was getting better. so they changed his medications to Ritalin!!! OMG, he was a zombie!! complained of headaches, stomach aches, couldnt sleep. didnt eat, it was horrid. so his father decided to take him off them cold turkey and said he was not putting him on anything again.
so a little time goes by, about 8 months of horrible phone calls almost daily from his dad and the school, i get a final phone call from his father telling me that he was done. He said that he slapped him across the face and that infuriated me. So i told him to pack his stuff, he is coming home to me. I will not put up with him slapping him. So he came to live with me again. its been over almost 2 years now that he has been back with me. Still having issues with everything, but now he is getting older and its definitely harder. he isnt raging like he use to though. But the disrespect for me and other females is still the same. When he came back to live with me, his father agreed to let me take him to a different psychiatric and get another diagnosis for him. he finally realized that something is not right. so i found a dr. took him and he diagnosis him the same, ADHD. so he has placed him on Vyvance. which at first he was not doing so well on, so we upped his dosage. things got a little better, able to focus, did what he was told when he was told, etc. We even started seeing a therapist to see if maybe there was something going on that was making him so mad and acting the way he has been. he wouldnt talk much. we dealt with a few things, bullying and friends/teacher issues, but not much else worked. and this therapist is known to be one of the top therapist in the area for children.
so, here we are to present day. finally!
nothings changed, still on his medications, but wants to fight me, argue, disobey, steal, lie, etc etc etc. my husband doesnt know what to do anymore, stomps around, swings arms, argues, rolls his eyes at him. its only getting worse. I'm at a total loss. i've even upped MY medications and the dr put me on anxiety medications because i'm having such a hard time dealing with him.
i've contemplated even sending him back to his dads, but thats not going to fix anything at all. i/we have to figure something out here at home.
I could really use some advice, any advice at all will help i hope. thanks in advance.
SC
I am at a loss on what to do with my Son anymore. We have been at battle for nearly 5 years now with him. He has been diagnosis with ADHD, which i knew long ago that he had but his dad (my ex) didnt believe me and wouldnt ever agree on letting me have him tested until last year.
i'll back up a bit and tell you a little bit of our troubles.
when son was in 1st grade is when it really started. He stayed in trouble, throwing chairs, yelling, screaming, hitting walls with his head, fist, feet, etc. At home, he would do the same. No respect for me or any other female figure. this went on for much of the year and into the 2nd grade for most of the year. I would talk to his father about it, he would constantly say that he didnt have any problems with him at his house. Well come to find out, the structure level between my home and his fathers was and still is for the most part, VERY DIFFERENT!! i've always had a set time for everything with my son due to how he acts. so i felt and still feel that he needs that structure. Where as at his fathers when he visits, he lets him run rampid, eat, drink, watch whatever and go to bed whenever he wants, sometimes as late as 2-4am playing games then sleeping until 2-3-4 oclock in the afternoon. doesnt make him bath, change clothes, brush his teeth, etc. its gotten a little (and i mean only a little) better, but nontheless, there is no structure!!
so anyway, sorry this is so long, i'm just needing to get all this out and i have no where else to go as you will see.
so one day during his 2nd grade year, he came home, throwing his usual fits, i walked out of the room he was in and into the kitchen. after a few minutes in the kitchen i went back in to check on him where i found him choking my yorkie!!! I flipped out!!! It was the last straw for me. He couldnt answer me as to why he was doing it. I couldnt believe what I had just seen. I immediately called his father to let him know what was going on and i told him i cant do this. I have tried and tried and with out his help, so i told him he needed to come and get him. maybe i was doing something wrong, or something. i just did not know. My husband couldnt get through to my son either. it was a constant battle between them, much like the kiddo and myself. he didnt know what to do with him either. So we packed up some bags for my son and he went to live with his father. That was by far one of the hardest things i think i've ever had to endure!! I was a failure, i've ruined my son, im a horrificly horrible mother!!! thats all i could think for so long!!
so, with him at his fathers, we did the bi weekend visits and sometimes more during the summer, things seemed to be changing a little. he still didnt have any respect for me though, but his attitude did seem to change a little, for a short time. so after about a year and a half, the trouble started all over with my son and his father this time...he would call me asking WTH do i do!! many times over the course of the time he was there when the trouble started, myself, my husband and sons father and new wife got together to talk things out and see what we can all do to help our kiddo. nothing was helping, when i say nothing, i meant absolutely nothing. punishment was from time outs to butt whippins, to military style punishment (push ups, sit ups, running, etc etc), taking everything he loved away, games, tv, toys, etc. even emptied his room completly out with nothing more than a bed, blanket and pillow. Still it didnt matter to him. he still continued, getting in trouble at home and school. defiant, argumentative, you name it. SOOOO...after much time, talking and debating between the 4 of us and the schools help, the ex finally agreed that maybe our child needed some doctor involvement. so we set it up, he was placed on adderall...he seemed to calm quite well, could focus better, fits subsided, things started to look up. was enjoying life again. so the next time he went to the doctor for a check up, his dad said he didnt see the same signs that i saw that he was getting better. so they changed his medications to Ritalin!!! OMG, he was a zombie!! complained of headaches, stomach aches, couldnt sleep. didnt eat, it was horrid. so his father decided to take him off them cold turkey and said he was not putting him on anything again.
so a little time goes by, about 8 months of horrible phone calls almost daily from his dad and the school, i get a final phone call from his father telling me that he was done. He said that he slapped him across the face and that infuriated me. So i told him to pack his stuff, he is coming home to me. I will not put up with him slapping him. So he came to live with me again. its been over almost 2 years now that he has been back with me. Still having issues with everything, but now he is getting older and its definitely harder. he isnt raging like he use to though. But the disrespect for me and other females is still the same. When he came back to live with me, his father agreed to let me take him to a different psychiatric and get another diagnosis for him. he finally realized that something is not right. so i found a dr. took him and he diagnosis him the same, ADHD. so he has placed him on Vyvance. which at first he was not doing so well on, so we upped his dosage. things got a little better, able to focus, did what he was told when he was told, etc. We even started seeing a therapist to see if maybe there was something going on that was making him so mad and acting the way he has been. he wouldnt talk much. we dealt with a few things, bullying and friends/teacher issues, but not much else worked. and this therapist is known to be one of the top therapist in the area for children.
so, here we are to present day. finally!
nothings changed, still on his medications, but wants to fight me, argue, disobey, steal, lie, etc etc etc. my husband doesnt know what to do anymore, stomps around, swings arms, argues, rolls his eyes at him. its only getting worse. I'm at a total loss. i've even upped MY medications and the dr put me on anxiety medications because i'm having such a hard time dealing with him.
i've contemplated even sending him back to his dads, but thats not going to fix anything at all. i/we have to figure something out here at home.
I could really use some advice, any advice at all will help i hope. thanks in advance.
SC
Unless your son has far worse behavior and does things that you don't know about when you aren't around, it doesn't seem like he has the full attachment disorder spectrum...I'd see a neuropsychologist to get him diagnosed. I assume you have full legal custody? If you share legal custody, then biological father has to agree before you can do it. I *am* guessing that if you took him for a total neuropsychologist evaluation, other issues would show up beyond ADHD though. Could be wrong...but he has done a few things that would have my Mommy Radar up, and I wouldn't trust a plain therapist to be able to handle the "heavy" stuff.
