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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 720346" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Google Families Anonymous. Of the support groups I tried, I liked that one the best. However, I found private therapy the most helpful for me. I sounded a lot like you when my daughter was 19. Unfortunately, I waited until she was 27 before I started seeing a therapist and got help with setting boundaries. It is more than just blah, blah, blah. Yes, I got to vent which was very helpful but my therapist also helped me see that letting my daughter manipulate me was not helping either one of us. She helped me set boundaries and stick to them. Just seeing the therapist every week helped hold me accountable although she was never judgmental when I took steps backwards. We would just move forward from there.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I actually smiled when I read that. It sounded so much like my daughter at that age. Saying outlandish things just to scare you and get what she wants from you.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter very much feels like she is calling the shots right now. You told her that she needed to find a job and she told you that she won't do that.</p><p></p><p>Okay, then. Call her on it. Tell her that she is an adult now and that you are sure she will figure out a way to eat and have a roof on her head without working. It is no longer your concern.</p><p></p><p>I know that this is harder said then done. I said on another thread, though, that I often wonder if I had been able to set boundaries and be strong when my daughter was 19, then maybe we could have saved her a lost ten years.</p><p></p><p>I am glad that you found us. Keep posting and let us support and help you. Take what advice works for you and leave the rest.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 720346, member: 1967"] Google Families Anonymous. Of the support groups I tried, I liked that one the best. However, I found private therapy the most helpful for me. I sounded a lot like you when my daughter was 19. Unfortunately, I waited until she was 27 before I started seeing a therapist and got help with setting boundaries. It is more than just blah, blah, blah. Yes, I got to vent which was very helpful but my therapist also helped me see that letting my daughter manipulate me was not helping either one of us. She helped me set boundaries and stick to them. Just seeing the therapist every week helped hold me accountable although she was never judgmental when I took steps backwards. We would just move forward from there. I actually smiled when I read that. It sounded so much like my daughter at that age. Saying outlandish things just to scare you and get what she wants from you. Your daughter very much feels like she is calling the shots right now. You told her that she needed to find a job and she told you that she won't do that. Okay, then. Call her on it. Tell her that she is an adult now and that you are sure she will figure out a way to eat and have a roof on her head without working. It is no longer your concern. I know that this is harder said then done. I said on another thread, though, that I often wonder if I had been able to set boundaries and be strong when my daughter was 19, then maybe we could have saved her a lost ten years. I am glad that you found us. Keep posting and let us support and help you. Take what advice works for you and leave the rest. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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