Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
new, need to learn about guardianship, coping skills
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Siobhan Harper" data-source="post: 578118" data-attributes="member: 15902"><p>You've gotten some great advice about guardianship, and I can't add anything there. However, please, please let yourself off the hook for being "a failure for having a child that doesn't contribute to society!" Seriously?!</p><p></p><p>Most of us with challenging bio or difficult child kids have control issues, in that we want to "fix" everything, which is completely impossible and will eventually drive you to your own, personal hell. But nerfherder (I love your name!), unless you sat around, pre-pregnancy, and actively manipulated strands of DNA, you are totally NOT responsible for your child's disability! Far from being a failure, you have spent your life looking after her, doing your best for her, and you're still doing it...preparing to see that she is cared for once she reaches the legal age of majority. My gosh, there are lots of people out there who would call you a saint! I won't do that, because I know from personal experience that, as loving and responsible parents, we simply do what is needed for our kids. I have an extremely troubled difficult child (grown now and still has/causes enormous problems), and I spent years feeling like a failure because I couldn't make everything better. Years of therapy have finally helped me begin to change that perspective, but it's a battle. The only difference between you and me is that I went out and fetched home my difficult child and all his problems; theoretically, I could have avoided the consequences. As best I can tell from your posts, you gave birth to your child; you got dealt a hand that you in no way chose. You have devoted yourself to making the best of the situation for your child; that is NOT failure!</p><p></p><p>Just a word about gov't. assistance: it exists specifically for genuinely disabled persons and their families. There is no shame at all in accessing all the help available to you. You are not bilking the gov't. or the taxpayers. Your child has an authentic need. Personally, I don't know anyone who would begrudge or look down upon a person in your position tapping into every available resource. You're not trying to take help to which you are not entitled. Doing all you can to help your child is right and proper. Shame has no place in your life; please don't make your already challenging circumstances worse by beating yourself up!</p><p></p><p>God bless you and your daughter; may you know peace.</p><p></p><p>Siobhan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Siobhan Harper, post: 578118, member: 15902"] You've gotten some great advice about guardianship, and I can't add anything there. However, please, please let yourself off the hook for being "a failure for having a child that doesn't contribute to society!" Seriously?! Most of us with challenging bio or difficult child kids have control issues, in that we want to "fix" everything, which is completely impossible and will eventually drive you to your own, personal hell. But nerfherder (I love your name!), unless you sat around, pre-pregnancy, and actively manipulated strands of DNA, you are totally NOT responsible for your child's disability! Far from being a failure, you have spent your life looking after her, doing your best for her, and you're still doing it...preparing to see that she is cared for once she reaches the legal age of majority. My gosh, there are lots of people out there who would call you a saint! I won't do that, because I know from personal experience that, as loving and responsible parents, we simply do what is needed for our kids. I have an extremely troubled difficult child (grown now and still has/causes enormous problems), and I spent years feeling like a failure because I couldn't make everything better. Years of therapy have finally helped me begin to change that perspective, but it's a battle. The only difference between you and me is that I went out and fetched home my difficult child and all his problems; theoretically, I could have avoided the consequences. As best I can tell from your posts, you gave birth to your child; you got dealt a hand that you in no way chose. You have devoted yourself to making the best of the situation for your child; that is NOT failure! Just a word about gov't. assistance: it exists specifically for genuinely disabled persons and their families. There is no shame at all in accessing all the help available to you. You are not bilking the gov't. or the taxpayers. Your child has an authentic need. Personally, I don't know anyone who would begrudge or look down upon a person in your position tapping into every available resource. You're not trying to take help to which you are not entitled. Doing all you can to help your child is right and proper. Shame has no place in your life; please don't make your already challenging circumstances worse by beating yourself up! God bless you and your daughter; may you know peace. Siobhan [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
new, need to learn about guardianship, coping skills
Top