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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 88390" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>I would definitely get a hold of Keck's books - Adopting the Hurt Child & Parenting the Hurt Child. However this isn't going to answer your immediate concerns nor is it a promise for a healthy adoption.</p><p></p><p>You're doing the right thing in getting any & all evaluations before you finalize the adoption. You need every bit of information so you & your husband can make an informed, educated decision - that decision being will you be able to parent this young man safely? Will you be able to parent your daughter & give her the attention due her with her own concerns & history?</p><p></p><p>Are these 2 biological siblings? If not, it will be easier to separate them if that is the decision/choice you make.</p><p></p><p>Before finalization please have written in your adoption agreement services you may need in the future given the age of your children at placement. I can foresee the need for PCAs, in home therapy, respite on a REGULAR basis, approved & safe attachment therapy, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers & please have Residential Treatment Center (RTC) covered. </p><p></p><p>My husband & I have adopted now 13 y/o twins - a boy & a girl. It's been hell on wheels from the day of placement. I wish I'd had someone tell me this before my children stepped foot in my home. </p><p></p><p>My son, wm, is now living in a group foster home setting because of unsafe & aggressive actions toward his twin sister & myself. Both of my children are diagnosis'd with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), complex PTSD & bipolar. Neither of my children had these diagnosis's upon placement - we were told that they had been tested as ADHD. We were naive & believed it. Their hx is very ugly....</p><p></p><p>My family is a family of different addresses. My children, even being twins, should never have been placed together. Their interactions are destructive to all about them & to each other.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, I'd really question your ability to handle both children given their ages on placement & their hx. It's not wrong to adopt one child & not the other. It's a reality.</p><p></p><p>Many many times these agencies set families up to fail by not giving the complete hx; all the background information that is needed to succeed as a family. It's sinful. It hurts the already hurting child & the family who fell in love with that child but couldn't parent him.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're in this position. I cannot say what you should do...I can only share what happened here. I can tell you that our family is very fragile after 7 years of being together. I can tell you that I have fought to find every intervention I could find for my children & it's still a cr@p shoot. </p><p></p><p>Let us know what you decide. We will support you either way. If I can help you find services or guide you please PM me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 88390, member: 393"] I would definitely get a hold of Keck's books - Adopting the Hurt Child & Parenting the Hurt Child. However this isn't going to answer your immediate concerns nor is it a promise for a healthy adoption. You're doing the right thing in getting any & all evaluations before you finalize the adoption. You need every bit of information so you & your husband can make an informed, educated decision - that decision being will you be able to parent this young man safely? Will you be able to parent your daughter & give her the attention due her with her own concerns & history? Are these 2 biological siblings? If not, it will be easier to separate them if that is the decision/choice you make. Before finalization please have written in your adoption agreement services you may need in the future given the age of your children at placement. I can foresee the need for PCAs, in home therapy, respite on a REGULAR basis, approved & safe attachment therapy, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers & please have Residential Treatment Center (RTC) covered. My husband & I have adopted now 13 y/o twins - a boy & a girl. It's been hell on wheels from the day of placement. I wish I'd had someone tell me this before my children stepped foot in my home. My son, wm, is now living in a group foster home setting because of unsafe & aggressive actions toward his twin sister & myself. Both of my children are diagnosis'd with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), complex PTSD & bipolar. Neither of my children had these diagnosis's upon placement - we were told that they had been tested as ADHD. We were naive & believed it. Their hx is very ugly.... My family is a family of different addresses. My children, even being twins, should never have been placed together. Their interactions are destructive to all about them & to each other. Having said that, I'd really question your ability to handle both children given their ages on placement & their hx. It's not wrong to adopt one child & not the other. It's a reality. Many many times these agencies set families up to fail by not giving the complete hx; all the background information that is needed to succeed as a family. It's sinful. It hurts the already hurting child & the family who fell in love with that child but couldn't parent him. I'm sorry you're in this position. I cannot say what you should do...I can only share what happened here. I can tell you that our family is very fragile after 7 years of being together. I can tell you that I have fought to find every intervention I could find for my children & it's still a cr@p shoot. Let us know what you decide. We will support you either way. If I can help you find services or guide you please PM me. [/QUOTE]
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