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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 603643" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If this is about drugs/alcohol...or if you suspect it is (I do--that sleeping all day is a red flag), I'd go to narc-anon or Al-Anon to learn how to detach. You do not deserve to be treated that way and your son is too old for your interference to help him. It is up to him now. We can not control other people, just ourselves, and WE have a right to live happy lives even if we have children who can't or won't. </p><p></p><p>You are not going to be able to change your son. You won't know where he is, whether he sleeps at home sometimes or not because he isn't going to tell you and he's a legal adult a nd doesn't have to. Knowing that you worry, it is very inconsiderate of him not to check in with you. Your house, your rules as long as he lives there or you may have to seriously consider making him leave for good. Spell out the behavior you expect in order for him to live in your home. See if he will accept it. If not, consider giving him a time slot in which he can find a new place to stay or not find one, but he has to leave by that date. Most of our adult kids are amazing as far as being able to find places to stay, even if it's one couch to another couch. </p><p></p><p>If you are paying for his car insurance, cell phone, etc....I'd cut it off now. Why does he take YOUR money? That's stealing. Lock up your money in a safe place and don't allow him to have it. </p><p></p><p>The more I type, the more I think he is probably doing so much harm to you that it would be healthier for both of you if he left. You need some sort of therapy to learn how to move on with your life in spite of him and his self-destruction and abuse toward you. It's not your fault and his behavior...he owns it, you don't. Huggggz and keep posting here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 603643, member: 1550"] If this is about drugs/alcohol...or if you suspect it is (I do--that sleeping all day is a red flag), I'd go to narc-anon or Al-Anon to learn how to detach. You do not deserve to be treated that way and your son is too old for your interference to help him. It is up to him now. We can not control other people, just ourselves, and WE have a right to live happy lives even if we have children who can't or won't. You are not going to be able to change your son. You won't know where he is, whether he sleeps at home sometimes or not because he isn't going to tell you and he's a legal adult a nd doesn't have to. Knowing that you worry, it is very inconsiderate of him not to check in with you. Your house, your rules as long as he lives there or you may have to seriously consider making him leave for good. Spell out the behavior you expect in order for him to live in your home. See if he will accept it. If not, consider giving him a time slot in which he can find a new place to stay or not find one, but he has to leave by that date. Most of our adult kids are amazing as far as being able to find places to stay, even if it's one couch to another couch. If you are paying for his car insurance, cell phone, etc....I'd cut it off now. Why does he take YOUR money? That's stealing. Lock up your money in a safe place and don't allow him to have it. The more I type, the more I think he is probably doing so much harm to you that it would be healthier for both of you if he left. You need some sort of therapy to learn how to move on with your life in spite of him and his self-destruction and abuse toward you. It's not your fault and his behavior...he owns it, you don't. Huggggz and keep posting here. [/QUOTE]
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