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new step parent uhg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Giselle" data-source="post: 394640" data-attributes="member: 7525"><p>Honestly what I think is that for the next 3 years, he should go there regularly, alone, if she prefers. Unless she changes her mind and is willing to visit your family. HE left her. Or her mother pulled her away. I don't know which, but the reality is that her TWO parents didn't make it work, and then one of them decided to move away while she was still a minor. And if the mother is somehow crazy, well, he married her and made a kid with her, so he's party responsible for that. I think that, barring some terrible circumstances, parents need to stay in the same general area and parent their children until they are 18. She probably resents you and your daughter, and it's not the same thing for both girls, because YOUR daughter gets this other girl's biodad full time. He chose you and your daughter over her, from her perspective, because if he didn't, then he would be living in her town and seeing her regularly. </p><p></p><p>I'm very sorry if I rubbed anyone the wrong way, and I know there are sometimes circumstances beyond someone's control. But I wish that people were far more conscious before they decided to have kids, and that once they did, that they made them a priority, even over their own love lives. I don't necessarily think he should have left her (or if she was pulled away then I think he should have put up a fight, if he didn't), and I'm not even sure that he should have married you and become the dad figure to your child until his own daughter was 18. I can imagine his daughter feels quite slighted or jealous and doesn't have the maturity and courage to know how to express it (or would anyone even listen?).</p><p></p><p>But I should ask - you say in your post that you're very upset. Why? Is it loss of time with him? Feeling rejected by her? Sense that because she's the child she should have to do the traveling? Other? I realized in my post that I have a strong opinion, but maybe that's bypassing some thought or emotion that you have that would make it hard to let this go until it was explored.</p><p></p><p>I also wonder - were you a child of divorce with step-parents or were your parents together when you were growing up? If they were together, imagine what this would be like from her perspective and how resentful you might be if your dad had a new family with someone else, especially being the new dad to a girl the same age.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giselle, post: 394640, member: 7525"] Honestly what I think is that for the next 3 years, he should go there regularly, alone, if she prefers. Unless she changes her mind and is willing to visit your family. HE left her. Or her mother pulled her away. I don't know which, but the reality is that her TWO parents didn't make it work, and then one of them decided to move away while she was still a minor. And if the mother is somehow crazy, well, he married her and made a kid with her, so he's party responsible for that. I think that, barring some terrible circumstances, parents need to stay in the same general area and parent their children until they are 18. She probably resents you and your daughter, and it's not the same thing for both girls, because YOUR daughter gets this other girl's biodad full time. He chose you and your daughter over her, from her perspective, because if he didn't, then he would be living in her town and seeing her regularly. I'm very sorry if I rubbed anyone the wrong way, and I know there are sometimes circumstances beyond someone's control. But I wish that people were far more conscious before they decided to have kids, and that once they did, that they made them a priority, even over their own love lives. I don't necessarily think he should have left her (or if she was pulled away then I think he should have put up a fight, if he didn't), and I'm not even sure that he should have married you and become the dad figure to your child until his own daughter was 18. I can imagine his daughter feels quite slighted or jealous and doesn't have the maturity and courage to know how to express it (or would anyone even listen?). But I should ask - you say in your post that you're very upset. Why? Is it loss of time with him? Feeling rejected by her? Sense that because she's the child she should have to do the traveling? Other? I realized in my post that I have a strong opinion, but maybe that's bypassing some thought or emotion that you have that would make it hard to let this go until it was explored. I also wonder - were you a child of divorce with step-parents or were your parents together when you were growing up? If they were together, imagine what this would be like from her perspective and how resentful you might be if your dad had a new family with someone else, especially being the new dad to a girl the same age. [/QUOTE]
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