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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 339497" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Danni and Neaners! Welcome and I'm glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>Danni - sometimes it takes a while to find a therapist who will really hear what you're saying. For the first several years as we tried to get help for our son, I heard all about our parenting skills (or lack thereof), my depression (gee, my kid is breaking windows out of my house, ya' think I might be depressed??), or the "impact of having a sibling with- a disability" (oh puleez - so not applicable in our situation). You may very well have to try a few out before you find one that is a match for your family, but they *are* out there. Having said that, I will also say that tuning up your parenting skills or joining a parent support group might not be a bad idea. *None* of us were prepared to raise a child with the degree of challenging behaviors that we deal with. Dr. Spock (ok, I'm showing my age <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ) just isn't going to cut it. When I realized that negative reinforcement (punishment) was a good thing in my son's eyes, and positive reinforcement (rewards for good behavior) only provoked negative behaviors.... well, I was beyond stumped. Where do you go from there? Between this board and an outstanding Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), we worked on consistency (I mean *real* consistency), not showing an emotional response to my son's behaviors (any emotion from me, especially anger or disappointment, was like gasoline on his fire), and prioritizing which behaviors most needed to be addressed. I would highly recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, especially to help with that last goal. I'm not a big self-help book fan, but this book was extremely helpful.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, it sounds like it might be time for a psychological or neuropsychologist evaluation. What is driving her anger and defiance? A mood disorder, learning disability, developmental disability? I also echo busywend's questions about school.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Neaners - it sure does sound like you have been thru the wringer with your daughter. It is incredibly frustrating, demoralizing, heartbreaking. How is your daughter doing in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program? Do you think she's still honeymooning there, or has she started to show them similar behaviors? I wish I had words of wisdom for you... from my perspective now, with an 18 yo who still doesn't "get it", it's become a wait and watch situation, praying that he doesn't do irreparable damage to himself and that he figures it out soon. The kids who are really resistant to treatment, to being invested in their own lives and well-being... it's just awful as a parent to not be able to "fix" things. You do sound like you're doing okay under the circumstances (it's all relative <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ). What strategies have you and your husband used to stay strong? </p><p></p><p>Glad you found us and welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 339497, member: 8"] Hi Danni and Neaners! Welcome and I'm glad you found us. Danni - sometimes it takes a while to find a therapist who will really hear what you're saying. For the first several years as we tried to get help for our son, I heard all about our parenting skills (or lack thereof), my depression (gee, my kid is breaking windows out of my house, ya' think I might be depressed??), or the "impact of having a sibling with- a disability" (oh puleez - so not applicable in our situation). You may very well have to try a few out before you find one that is a match for your family, but they *are* out there. Having said that, I will also say that tuning up your parenting skills or joining a parent support group might not be a bad idea. *None* of us were prepared to raise a child with the degree of challenging behaviors that we deal with. Dr. Spock (ok, I'm showing my age ;) ) just isn't going to cut it. When I realized that negative reinforcement (punishment) was a good thing in my son's eyes, and positive reinforcement (rewards for good behavior) only provoked negative behaviors.... well, I was beyond stumped. Where do you go from there? Between this board and an outstanding Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), we worked on consistency (I mean *real* consistency), not showing an emotional response to my son's behaviors (any emotion from me, especially anger or disappointment, was like gasoline on his fire), and prioritizing which behaviors most needed to be addressed. I would highly recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, especially to help with that last goal. I'm not a big self-help book fan, but this book was extremely helpful. In the meantime, it sounds like it might be time for a psychological or neuropsychologist evaluation. What is driving her anger and defiance? A mood disorder, learning disability, developmental disability? I also echo busywend's questions about school. Neaners - it sure does sound like you have been thru the wringer with your daughter. It is incredibly frustrating, demoralizing, heartbreaking. How is your daughter doing in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program? Do you think she's still honeymooning there, or has she started to show them similar behaviors? I wish I had words of wisdom for you... from my perspective now, with an 18 yo who still doesn't "get it", it's become a wait and watch situation, praying that he doesn't do irreparable damage to himself and that he figures it out soon. The kids who are really resistant to treatment, to being invested in their own lives and well-being... it's just awful as a parent to not be able to "fix" things. You do sound like you're doing okay under the circumstances (it's all relative ;) ). What strategies have you and your husband used to stay strong? Glad you found us and welcome! [/QUOTE]
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