Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New to group...blended family, so much stress
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 52880" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>First and most importantly, quit blaming yourselves. Believe it or not, it is not your fault. It is not your husband's fault. It is something chemically wrong or wired wrong in your kids. We all make mistakes. Parents with kids who are considered "good" make the same mistakes we do. The difference is their kids learn not to do the same thing over and over. They learn from their mistakes just as we learn from our mistakes. Sadly, our kids don't quite get it.</p><p></p><p>I used to think like you when my daughter was younger. That is, if I gave in, I was giving her permission to misbehave. The reality was that the "stronger" I was, the more she would simply do exactly what she wanted since she felt she was going to get punished no matter what she did. Reading "The Explosive Child" helped me a lot. Since I adopted a little girl that was severely abused, the Keck book on Adopting the Hurt Child also helped me tremendously. I don't know if your husband's kids were abused or neglected, but you might want to go the library and just check out this book to see if might apply and help.</p><p></p><p>I didn't know it until my daughter hit her late teens, but a lot of the things that I thought didn't matter to her did. She just refused to show me they mattered because she was afraid she would lose control. So, your kids may care a lot more than they can or are willing to admit at this time. </p><p></p><p>Most importantly, take time for you and your husband. It may be a movie together after the kids have gone to sleep. It may be getting up 15 mins earlier every day to share a cup of coffee and a hug before the chaos starts. Also, find some time every day for just you. Maybe you and your husband can take turns giving each other a little break every day or every other day. It doesn't have to be long, but it has to be very strict "me" time. A walk, a bath, read, take the car to Starbucks, talk on the phone with a friend. Whatever each of you choose for yourselves. The big thing is that barring a major arterial bleed or other severe injury, the me time is sacrosanct and no one can disturb you during this time. </p><p></p><p>Since I was a single parent, I got a friend to watch my daughter for an hour once a week and this was my time. I did no chores during this period. I paid no bills. I did nothing on my have to or nice to do lists. This was for me to wind down and gear up. It probably saved me from abusing my daughter a time or two. It definitely helped me survive when the week had been exceptionally bad. Like the one week she did in fact stab a boy in her class, cut a girl's dress, kicked the teacher hard enough to draw blood, assaulted me, destroyed her bedroom door and broke anything she possibly could.</p><p></p><p>So, welcome. You're not alone. You've a wonderful group of people who do understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 52880, member: 3626"] First and most importantly, quit blaming yourselves. Believe it or not, it is not your fault. It is not your husband's fault. It is something chemically wrong or wired wrong in your kids. We all make mistakes. Parents with kids who are considered "good" make the same mistakes we do. The difference is their kids learn not to do the same thing over and over. They learn from their mistakes just as we learn from our mistakes. Sadly, our kids don't quite get it. I used to think like you when my daughter was younger. That is, if I gave in, I was giving her permission to misbehave. The reality was that the "stronger" I was, the more she would simply do exactly what she wanted since she felt she was going to get punished no matter what she did. Reading "The Explosive Child" helped me a lot. Since I adopted a little girl that was severely abused, the Keck book on Adopting the Hurt Child also helped me tremendously. I don't know if your husband's kids were abused or neglected, but you might want to go the library and just check out this book to see if might apply and help. I didn't know it until my daughter hit her late teens, but a lot of the things that I thought didn't matter to her did. She just refused to show me they mattered because she was afraid she would lose control. So, your kids may care a lot more than they can or are willing to admit at this time. Most importantly, take time for you and your husband. It may be a movie together after the kids have gone to sleep. It may be getting up 15 mins earlier every day to share a cup of coffee and a hug before the chaos starts. Also, find some time every day for just you. Maybe you and your husband can take turns giving each other a little break every day or every other day. It doesn't have to be long, but it has to be very strict "me" time. A walk, a bath, read, take the car to Starbucks, talk on the phone with a friend. Whatever each of you choose for yourselves. The big thing is that barring a major arterial bleed or other severe injury, the me time is sacrosanct and no one can disturb you during this time. Since I was a single parent, I got a friend to watch my daughter for an hour once a week and this was my time. I did no chores during this period. I paid no bills. I did nothing on my have to or nice to do lists. This was for me to wind down and gear up. It probably saved me from abusing my daughter a time or two. It definitely helped me survive when the week had been exceptionally bad. Like the one week she did in fact stab a boy in her class, cut a girl's dress, kicked the teacher hard enough to draw blood, assaulted me, destroyed her bedroom door and broke anything she possibly could. So, welcome. You're not alone. You've a wonderful group of people who do understand. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New to group...blended family, so much stress
Top