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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 219491" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>JLady, ODD is not a result of bad parenting. You have done nothing to cause this. Do not feel guilty. Each child is an individual. Kids are people with their own way of thinking. They have their own personalities, their own way of thinking. If kids were even close to their parent's in their feelings of how things should work, there would never be a problem. </p><p></p><p>ODD often is attached to something. I think that is because ODD is a result of not feeling right with the world. I believe when a child is refusing something or doing the opposite of what you ask, they are hurting inside and trying to find help. You can give them all the right information but for some reason, they just don't "get it". In order to stay in control of their own world, they often refuse to allow anything in. They can only process so much in a certain amount of time so when they say "No", they really mean, "I can't think of that - don't give me more info to process".</p><p></p><p>If there were easy answers for these kids, there would not be a need for this board. What works for one will not work for the next. We still search for answers and ways to deal with our difficult children. We are hopeful because there are success stories, so we hold the course and fight the good fight because we are warrior parents whose top priority is to make life easier for our children.</p><p></p><p>So, do not feel guilty. You are doing a great job in going through the process of acknowledging there is an issue, looking for a solution, and working out the answer. </p><p></p><p>One suggestion - (and maybe you already do this) - use the most positive instructions whenever possible. For example, instead of "Get up and get ready for school." try "It is time to get up. Breakfast is on the table when you are ready." or instead of "Get your shoes on and meet me in the car." try "We need to leave in 5 minutes, do you have everything you need?" The more positive you are, the less confrontal your son will feel. If you can instill that these are everyday things to do without him thinking you are giving too many orders, he may be less defiant. Make it a clock issue and not you personally telling him what to do. I hope this makes sense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 219491, member: 5096"] JLady, ODD is not a result of bad parenting. You have done nothing to cause this. Do not feel guilty. Each child is an individual. Kids are people with their own way of thinking. They have their own personalities, their own way of thinking. If kids were even close to their parent's in their feelings of how things should work, there would never be a problem. ODD often is attached to something. I think that is because ODD is a result of not feeling right with the world. I believe when a child is refusing something or doing the opposite of what you ask, they are hurting inside and trying to find help. You can give them all the right information but for some reason, they just don't "get it". In order to stay in control of their own world, they often refuse to allow anything in. They can only process so much in a certain amount of time so when they say "No", they really mean, "I can't think of that - don't give me more info to process". If there were easy answers for these kids, there would not be a need for this board. What works for one will not work for the next. We still search for answers and ways to deal with our difficult children. We are hopeful because there are success stories, so we hold the course and fight the good fight because we are warrior parents whose top priority is to make life easier for our children. So, do not feel guilty. You are doing a great job in going through the process of acknowledging there is an issue, looking for a solution, and working out the answer. One suggestion - (and maybe you already do this) - use the most positive instructions whenever possible. For example, instead of "Get up and get ready for school." try "It is time to get up. Breakfast is on the table when you are ready." or instead of "Get your shoes on and meet me in the car." try "We need to leave in 5 minutes, do you have everything you need?" The more positive you are, the less confrontal your son will feel. If you can instill that these are everyday things to do without him thinking you are giving too many orders, he may be less defiant. Make it a clock issue and not you personally telling him what to do. I hope this makes sense. [/QUOTE]
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