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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 503389" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome!! </p><p></p><p>While I can completely believe a school told you that about no IEP because they didn't have $$, that is so totally illegal it is way beyond funny. HOWEVER, there may be a statute of limitations on it. A school that told you that **** is EASILY able to pretend to cooperate NOW until the time that you CANNOT sue them. Though you may be able to prove a pattern, which would make it an ongoing refusal rather than just refusing that one time.</p><p></p><p>Get an advocate. They are free, google your state and free parent advocate, or else go to the state board of ed website. </p><p></p><p>Yes, difficult child needs counseling, but his actions have taken a HUGE toll on easy child and she needs help too, no matter how "nonproductive" it mght seem to you. Whatever fear YOU have of difficult child? Hers is 1000 times greater and has gone on for years more. Why didn't she tell you? Cause he would beat her senseless or she at least thought he would seriously hurt her. How do I know? I was the sister, I got threatened iwth all sorts of stuff, and got a lot of it carried out on me. </p><p></p><p>Havng them live in separate houses is probably the best you could ever do for easy child. Expect her to tell you or a therapist about some truly horrible things that difficult child has done and told her about or has done to her. She will have to TRUST that she is SAFE before she talks though. </p><p></p><p>I know how awful you feel because I had to have my 14yo taken away by the sheriff and later he went to live with my parents. He just couldn't be safe and I won't be anyone's battered woman - not even my childs. It took a HUGE toll on me, body, mind and soul, but not as big as keeping him here and either dying or killing him would have. We were at that point. So getting your son out hurts, but is best in the long run for the rest of you. </p><p></p><p>As the courts are involved, maybe you should let them, the PO, and your ex deal with most of difficult child's stuff. Be the visiting mom who loves him but isn't in charge. He may not be held accountable now, but you cannot control that no matter what because he doesn't live with you. Let ex deal wiht the stealing, you concentrate on easy child and on taking care of YOU. Moms here have had HUGE physical problems from years of gfgstress. As a nurse you KNOW what stress does to people. If you have a stress related stroke or heart attack, who will care for easy child? </p><p></p><p>Anyway, welcome to our family!!! ANYTHING I say that doesn't fit your situation, feel free to ignore. I totally understand that not everything fits every family, so this is my opinion and there won't ever be hard feelings for not agreeing. This is one thng I love about this family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 503389, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome!! While I can completely believe a school told you that about no IEP because they didn't have $$, that is so totally illegal it is way beyond funny. HOWEVER, there may be a statute of limitations on it. A school that told you that **** is EASILY able to pretend to cooperate NOW until the time that you CANNOT sue them. Though you may be able to prove a pattern, which would make it an ongoing refusal rather than just refusing that one time. Get an advocate. They are free, google your state and free parent advocate, or else go to the state board of ed website. Yes, difficult child needs counseling, but his actions have taken a HUGE toll on easy child and she needs help too, no matter how "nonproductive" it mght seem to you. Whatever fear YOU have of difficult child? Hers is 1000 times greater and has gone on for years more. Why didn't she tell you? Cause he would beat her senseless or she at least thought he would seriously hurt her. How do I know? I was the sister, I got threatened iwth all sorts of stuff, and got a lot of it carried out on me. Havng them live in separate houses is probably the best you could ever do for easy child. Expect her to tell you or a therapist about some truly horrible things that difficult child has done and told her about or has done to her. She will have to TRUST that she is SAFE before she talks though. I know how awful you feel because I had to have my 14yo taken away by the sheriff and later he went to live with my parents. He just couldn't be safe and I won't be anyone's battered woman - not even my childs. It took a HUGE toll on me, body, mind and soul, but not as big as keeping him here and either dying or killing him would have. We were at that point. So getting your son out hurts, but is best in the long run for the rest of you. As the courts are involved, maybe you should let them, the PO, and your ex deal with most of difficult child's stuff. Be the visiting mom who loves him but isn't in charge. He may not be held accountable now, but you cannot control that no matter what because he doesn't live with you. Let ex deal wiht the stealing, you concentrate on easy child and on taking care of YOU. Moms here have had HUGE physical problems from years of gfgstress. As a nurse you KNOW what stress does to people. If you have a stress related stroke or heart attack, who will care for easy child? Anyway, welcome to our family!!! ANYTHING I say that doesn't fit your situation, feel free to ignore. I totally understand that not everything fits every family, so this is my opinion and there won't ever be hard feelings for not agreeing. This is one thng I love about this family. [/QUOTE]
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