Kalahou and all,
Thanks for your wisdom. The reason a site like this is so important to me is because I need to hear over and over again the wisdom and empathy of others traveling the path of detachment with love, which keeps me strong and able to follow through. Without that support and with the constant manipulation by son, I slowly weaken and begin to doubt myself. This is not the case in other areas of my life. I have thought about it a lot, and I think what happens is that the culture puts forth an idea that a 'good parent' will do 'anything and every' thing to help their child, when, in fact, doing so with a difficult anti-social child is enabling and fosters the continued bad behavior. Most everything I have given - time, money, etc. - has allowed him to continue on the same wayward path. When I say no or detach, my son uses this to his full advantage to accuse me of not loving him. I know that what I do for my son has nothing to do with how much I love him. What hurts is that he does not see that. I have tremendous compassion for loved ones dealing with such difficulties. One of the most important things I have realized is that I have often betrayed myself because I have not been strong enough to hold boundaries and because I am more worried about his feelings than my own, so in many ways what my son does is less important than how I choose to act or respond to what he says or does. That's my work - to love and care for myself as much as I love him.
I don't know how often I'll post. Am overwhelmed right now with family issues and teaching high school, but I will read and post when I can.
