new to the board

[hunsky]

new dad here with an ADHD 7 year old son.

Son has been diagnosed for some time now. He has gone from Guanfacine to Adherrall. Was not on the Adherrall long, caused problems. He is a very impulsive child. The not thinking b4 speaking or acting. Has been a little scary at times the actions he takes. Love him dearly but get very frustrated at hime and myself a lot lately. Having a hard time handling myself from yelling and giving orders to him and starting to get a little scared that I might lose him from myself. Don't know if anyone else has felt this way and if so how can I refocuse myself.

thankx

 

[Hound dog]

Hello and welcome to the board.

Have you read the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? If not, you might want to give it a try. Alot of parents here find it a huge help.

It's hard not to get caught up in the difficult child drama. I think the biggest lesson that I've learned along the way is that my difficult child's don't necessarily CHOOSE to act the way they sometimes do.

No child I've ever met enjoys being in trouble and being punished. Our kids are no different. (although at times they can make us wonder)

Both my difficult children perceive the world in a different way that what would be considered *normal*. This affects their reactions to the world around them.

With my oldest I had to make a constant effort to not yell and loose my temper. Otherwise his life would have consisted of nothing but me yelling at him and punishing him. And yes, there were still times when I'd loose it just because I'm also human and a person can only take so much. But I did discover that I got better results when I managed to hold it together.

Raising a difficult child child is a constant challange. It's stressful and physically draining. It's difficult to find people who have even the slightest idea of what daily life with a difficult child is like, let alone understand it.

Which is why this board is such a great place. I'm so glad you found us.

Hugs

 

[totoro]

Hi and welcome! Daisylover snuck in right before me... so I am repeating some stuff! ... but she is right! :smile:
Sorry you had to find us. Yes most of us have felt the same way many days and nights! I think the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, can help parents see their children in a new light and learn how to modify thier expectations, while helping the child. He uses a different approach and lets you feel OK about discarding certain rules, while learning new more important ones. Ones that will benefit the family in the long run!

Perfect example is a fight over sitting together at the dinner table, my difficult child 1 is unable to sit still at times or needs to eat now! I could fight with her or I could realize somethings are beyond her control at this point in time and not worth getting worked up about. It could send her into an hour long rage or depression... so I let her eat. The whole family is happy... we work on more important behaviors.

Who diagnosis'd him? what medications is he on now? Is there a family history of any disorders? Or addictions?
You should do a signature at the bottom like mine... so we know something about you! It explains how under: FAQ/Board Help

Good luck and welcome

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. Who diagnosed him? Has he seen a Child Psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist? Anything on the family tree--neurological differences (like Aspergers or high functioning autism) or psychiatric problems? Substance abuse? Lots of things can be going on beyond ADHD. What kinds of behaviors scare you? Is he violent?

 

[KFld]

your post reminded me of my son, many years back before he was diagnosed with adhd. We were terrified and humiliated many times when he opened his mouth or did something that totally shocked others, and we couldn't figure out why the heck our kid was like this. The worst incident, which we can now laugh about, was when my husband had him at a boyscout event and when husband asked him to stop doing something, difficult child said why what are you going to do, beat me like you always do??? His father had never laid a hand on him in his life and was totally mortified. Like I said, now we can laugh about it, but it certainly wasn't funny then. He is now 20 and wasn't diagnosed until he was in the 6th grade. His impulsiveness got him involved in the juvenile court system at a very young age. It's important that you read all you can, gather as much information as you can, and accept that he learns and does things in a different way then others. The Explosive child is a great place to start. Great book!! You may not find what works for him, but accepting that the things that work for everyone else, may not work for him, will hopefully stop you from losing it with him. Does that make sense???? I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes acceptance lessons stress because you realize it is out of your control and you have to look into different options, medications, etc. until you find something that might help.

 

[Julie SVV]

Hi! I'm new to this site too. I found all of you in desperation yesterday as I was looking for some ideas on how to cope with my 11 year old daughter who has ADHD,ODD, Anxiety Disorders. She was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 7 and through trial and error, we found a medication that helped to control some of her impulsive behaviors at school. She has been in counseling too, and last summer she was part of an outpatient intensive program at our local childrens psychiatric hospital. She seemed to be doing "well" for most of the year and we have hit a wall again. My husband and I have two other children as well, and I am beginning to see that they receive the left-overs of our energy and parenting and I am beginning to resent that. I looked into residential programs the other day for my daughter, but knew deep down that wasn't the answer either. I guess I just need some reassurance from all of you veteran warrior parents that I will survive this, and that my family will survive this. I am open to any suggestions or comments that any of you have. Thanks so much.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hunsky,

I agree with previuos posters who recommend "The Exploive Child". It really helps parents get a handle on what is going on inside their kids and what you can do to live with it!

I will tell you that sometimes it takes a couple medications to see a positive change - but medications alone are not as effective. It takes behavior modification at home and school and sometimes talk therapy.

Your little guy is very young, and that's to his benefit. Early diagnosis and treatment can make all the difference as the years roll by. As you can see from my profile (and I suggest you do one as well on your next trip back on the board), my son is adhd and highly impulsive. The right medications, maturity, setting clear expectations and firm consequences (behav mod), accomodations in the classroom, therapy to help with self awareness, and lots of hard work on everyone's part have made a positive difference. He will never be typical or the boy next door, but it has helped.

Some kids do just have adhd and nothing else. They are your classic adhd poster children! They are unfocused (but can hyperfocus when doing something they really enjoy), hyperactive, have trouble sleeping, usually quite smart and creative, and are extremely impulsive.

Having a good psychiatrist or neuropdoc is a great place to start. He or she can really help with medication choices and helping you understand the difference between what is in his control and what is not. Count to 20 (10 is just not enough somethimes), open your eyes and then react (but being proactive is the best).

Glad you found us, sorry you needed to.

Sharon

 

[timer lady]

Popping in to offer my welcome.

 

[timer lady]

Popping in to offer my welcome.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

LOL!

Timer lady is so happy that you are here, she welcomed you twice.

We are all happy you are here, and hope you get hte support you need.

 

[DDD]

Welcome. Guafacine is not an ADHD medicine but the generic version of Tenex. Tenex is designed to treat high blood pressure
but is often used in conjunction with a stimulant medicine to avoid tics. A few people here have had that Rx to see if it chilled their difficult children enough where they could function. What type
of professional is helping you help your child? It is important
to have a fully qualified expert.

In the stimulant medication family, some people have had awesome results
with Adderal. Some of us have had side effects including anger,
crying and confrontational behaviors that did not exist prior to
using Adderal. Because that one choice hasn't worked does not
mean that no stimulant will work. In my family Concerta works
great, for example with both the boys. It is very individualized
in results.

Glad you are here. You'll get support...caring, understanding,
support. We're a bunch of nice guys but you "may" be the only
one who could be called a "Hunsky"...LOL. DDD

 

[Crazy-Steph]

You know, we may have to try Concerta. We tried the Adderall, but it killed his already non-existant appetite and man, did we have some emotional roller coasters. We have been on Strattera, but it just doesn't seem to be working anymore. Even after we upped the mg. Plus, I'm not really keen on the suicidal thoughts that we have been hearing about. We haven't had personal experience with that, but still...Do you have the emotional problems with Concerta?

 

[DDD]

In "my family" there has been no appetite issue. As always, however, it is important to emphasize that what is true in my family may absolutely not be true with yours. DDD

 

[hunsky]

Thankx all for your responses. it is nice to know that there is help and that we (my wife and myself) are not alone with what is going on.

My son has been diagnosed by our family dr. and he sees a therapist. We also have a specialist who has perscribed his medications.

Question for anyone who can help? The bio at the end of everyone's posts is gotten how and being knew to board really dumb question (difficult child) stands for? my shorthand computer lingo is definetaly not there.

 

[smallworld]

difficult child = gift from God (the child who brought you here)

To create a bio, go to the top of this page and click on "My Stuff" and then "My Profile." You can then fill in details about your family.

Welcome!

 

[lordhelpme]

i too wanted to say welcome. the gals have given you some good advice.

i sometimes feel that the dads tend to 'ignore' what is going on or pretend it isn't happening. good for you to search out some help. i know my husband is fighting the way his dad was(yelled, tough, no bs) and how he knows we need to react. it is a long learned process that takes practice.

 

[rdp]

Nice to see a dad on the board, haven't been here for a while my self but it looks like your getting lots of good advice. just always remember deep breath and lots of love. :thumb: