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General Parenting
New to the site, need help have a 5yr old with ADHD and Defiance disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 416748" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>I'm probably going to be unpopular here... But... Taking <em>everything</em> away isn't going to work with a 5-y/o. Especially not one who has problems with impulse control. I'll be honest - I'm mostly a easy child, myself (hee hee), but if I'm <strong>bored</strong>? I can get into large amounts of trouble. And I get frustrated. And it escalates from there. (Honestly, this board has kept my brain working enough that it's probably helped me keep my job.)</p><p> </p><p>Behavioral charts don't work too well on a lot of our kids. Yelling just makes things escalate faster. If the child can see "no chance of getting them back"... Then why be good? If there is no <em>reason</em> to be good... Yes, we tell ourselves that we should be good because that is its own reward, but when you're 5... Even a so-called "normal" child would have issues with that.</p><p> </p><p>Something that I found works - when I can actually do it - is a monotone, showing disinterest in whatever the drama is. Then again, my kids are a bit older. I got Onyxx good yesterday... "And how is that working for you?" ...No answer...</p><p> </p><p>Do you know why he hit the other child?</p><p> </p><p>Babies cry when they need something. That's what they can do to express themselves. Young children haven't quite got words down - and when you add in ADHD and poor impulse control - WATCH OUT. I get frustrated sometimes and feel like being violent. I can reason myself out of it - if I hit the wall, I will have to patch the hole, and my hand will hurt - but kids can't do that. (And FWIW? I can't always stop myself, either.)</p><p> </p><p>Is his bio father in the picture? Sometimes... That has a lot to do with it.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs - and welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 416748, member: 6705"] I'm probably going to be unpopular here... But... Taking [I]everything[/I] away isn't going to work with a 5-y/o. Especially not one who has problems with impulse control. I'll be honest - I'm mostly a easy child, myself (hee hee), but if I'm [B]bored[/B]? I can get into large amounts of trouble. And I get frustrated. And it escalates from there. (Honestly, this board has kept my brain working enough that it's probably helped me keep my job.) Behavioral charts don't work too well on a lot of our kids. Yelling just makes things escalate faster. If the child can see "no chance of getting them back"... Then why be good? If there is no [I]reason[/I] to be good... Yes, we tell ourselves that we should be good because that is its own reward, but when you're 5... Even a so-called "normal" child would have issues with that. Something that I found works - when I can actually do it - is a monotone, showing disinterest in whatever the drama is. Then again, my kids are a bit older. I got Onyxx good yesterday... "And how is that working for you?" ...No answer... Do you know why he hit the other child? Babies cry when they need something. That's what they can do to express themselves. Young children haven't quite got words down - and when you add in ADHD and poor impulse control - WATCH OUT. I get frustrated sometimes and feel like being violent. I can reason myself out of it - if I hit the wall, I will have to patch the hole, and my hand will hurt - but kids can't do that. (And FWIW? I can't always stop myself, either.) Is his bio father in the picture? Sometimes... That has a lot to do with it. Hugs - and welcome. [/QUOTE]
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New to the site, need help have a 5yr old with ADHD and Defiance disorder
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