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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 453990" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>I had to read some of your previous posts after what Janet said, to get a better overview. </p><p></p><p>I think you have a definite "not" pecking order in your home, that constantly gets challenged and ignored, and it sounds to me that you are powerless to make any changes or to enforce your rules. I honestly do not think that you can make any lasting changes or improvements in your family dynamics, until you yourself empower yourself. Before you can help any of your children, you need to help yourself. Drinking, excess sleeping, going back to work, your husbands disability, your kids troubles, etc etc - this is a mega load of stress and very depressing as well, it sounds like you are barely holding on by the tip of your fingers. I don't have any suggestions for the behaviors of your sons or your husband at this time, as you will not be able to enforce them, until you yourself have achieved some clarity for your own life. I strongly suggest counseling for yourself. Go to AA and Alanon meetings. Help yourself first, before you think about helping the rest of the family. </p><p></p><p>Assess your marriage and go from there - it sounds like a typical his and hers preferred treatment scenario here - your kids vs his kids. I help mine and you help yours, and very much a like/dislike power struggle there. If you love your husband and want to remain married, I would suggest you both put both of the boys out, help them get a place [efficiency apartment, homeless shelter, econo hotel] for the first month with the understanding that they are on their own afterwards [and that includes any other adult children that are not in school or college and living with you - fair is fair!]. That gives them a place to stay, a roof over their head, and time [4 weeks] to go job hunting and getting something going for themselves. If they are not getting along, give each his own econy hotel room. Put them in different parts of the town, where they want to be. They are both adults, and it is obvious that this is not working at home. With both gone, this will give you and your husband time to be together and getting to know each other again, assess what you want in your marriage and how to get there. Sounds to me that you both should have some sort of counseling together as well...</p><p></p><p>Do work on getting some clarity for yourself though too - do not use this upset to hide behind and avoid dealing with your own issues... Heartfelt hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 453990, member: 12241"] I had to read some of your previous posts after what Janet said, to get a better overview. I think you have a definite "not" pecking order in your home, that constantly gets challenged and ignored, and it sounds to me that you are powerless to make any changes or to enforce your rules. I honestly do not think that you can make any lasting changes or improvements in your family dynamics, until you yourself empower yourself. Before you can help any of your children, you need to help yourself. Drinking, excess sleeping, going back to work, your husbands disability, your kids troubles, etc etc - this is a mega load of stress and very depressing as well, it sounds like you are barely holding on by the tip of your fingers. I don't have any suggestions for the behaviors of your sons or your husband at this time, as you will not be able to enforce them, until you yourself have achieved some clarity for your own life. I strongly suggest counseling for yourself. Go to AA and Alanon meetings. Help yourself first, before you think about helping the rest of the family. Assess your marriage and go from there - it sounds like a typical his and hers preferred treatment scenario here - your kids vs his kids. I help mine and you help yours, and very much a like/dislike power struggle there. If you love your husband and want to remain married, I would suggest you both put both of the boys out, help them get a place [efficiency apartment, homeless shelter, econo hotel] for the first month with the understanding that they are on their own afterwards [and that includes any other adult children that are not in school or college and living with you - fair is fair!]. That gives them a place to stay, a roof over their head, and time [4 weeks] to go job hunting and getting something going for themselves. If they are not getting along, give each his own econy hotel room. Put them in different parts of the town, where they want to be. They are both adults, and it is obvious that this is not working at home. With both gone, this will give you and your husband time to be together and getting to know each other again, assess what you want in your marriage and how to get there. Sounds to me that you both should have some sort of counseling together as well... Do work on getting some clarity for yourself though too - do not use this upset to hide behind and avoid dealing with your own issues... Heartfelt hugs! [/QUOTE]
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