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<blockquote data-quote="hamlet" data-source="post: 437430" data-attributes="member: 11970"><p>Welcome to the site. I am a newbie as well, and have been through a lot of what you describe with my son. I'm sorry I'm not sure I have much advice or good ideas for you, but I certainly can sympathize. From the beginning of my son's violence I was terrified that he would push me far enough that I would respond to him in kind. I had to talk to a lot of therapists to find out what my limit was and how I could respond to his aggression while at the same time preserving my integrity.</p><p></p><p>difficult child's violence toward me started when he was 3 1/2, when my younger son was diagnosis with leukemia. I spent many nights in the hospital with easy child, including one stretch of 32 days. Every day my ex-husband would bring difficult child to the hospital and he and I would go out together for a few minutes and to get dinner for the family. During this time, my son would physically attack me in whatever way he could. He would punch me, kick me, slap me, throw things at me, try to trip me, push, poke and pinch me. Of course, this was accompanied by yelling at me, calling me names, threatening me, and other verbal abuse. Often this would happen in a restaurant or other public place. I got a lot of sympathetic looks, but no help whatsoever.</p><p></p><p>When he was younger I could physically restrain him and would sometimes carry him to his room for a time out. I once was lifting him off of the floor by his underarm, (not pulling on his arm,) without computing that the arc in which he would rise would put his face right at the same level as the arm of a wrought iron chair. Yep, I gave him a black eye. When I admitted to a therapist that I had slapped him on the face in order to snap him out of a string of expletives and threats to my life, she warned me that I was right on the edge.</p><p></p><p>I then decided I would use Ghandi's concept of peaceful resistance. I would move to another room or cower on the couch until the storm would pass. Usually I was trying to shield my younger easy child from flying objects and flying fists. Eventually I just let him beat on me, until one incident when he used my own hand to hit me repeatedly on the face. I then decided that he could not be allowed to beat me and get away with it. With the agreement of the therapist, I have taken measures to protect myself when he is coming at me. These are defensive maneuvers, quite like what you did in the bathroom, I'm sure. Still, when I am in a public place I am very leery of using any measure of force against difficult child. Instead I will talk to him, saying things like, "Everyone can see you. Everyone is looking over here and can hear what you are saying. All these people are embarrassed because of how you are treating me. Everyone is scared of you because you are shouting at me and threatening me." When he does this in public I try to avoid being near him so he cannot whisper to me. Only once has anyone intervene to threaten to call the police on HIM, and yet they called the police on YOU for far far less!</p><p></p><p>If it has gotten worse when once your difficult child was stabilized, then perhaps a medications change is in order. If he gets really out of control and physically violent, you may have no choice but to call a crisis line. I have the number programed into my phone, although I've never had to call it. For your own safety and especially for your daughter's safety see if there is one in your area.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hamlet, post: 437430, member: 11970"] Welcome to the site. I am a newbie as well, and have been through a lot of what you describe with my son. I'm sorry I'm not sure I have much advice or good ideas for you, but I certainly can sympathize. From the beginning of my son's violence I was terrified that he would push me far enough that I would respond to him in kind. I had to talk to a lot of therapists to find out what my limit was and how I could respond to his aggression while at the same time preserving my integrity. difficult child's violence toward me started when he was 3 1/2, when my younger son was diagnosis with leukemia. I spent many nights in the hospital with easy child, including one stretch of 32 days. Every day my ex-husband would bring difficult child to the hospital and he and I would go out together for a few minutes and to get dinner for the family. During this time, my son would physically attack me in whatever way he could. He would punch me, kick me, slap me, throw things at me, try to trip me, push, poke and pinch me. Of course, this was accompanied by yelling at me, calling me names, threatening me, and other verbal abuse. Often this would happen in a restaurant or other public place. I got a lot of sympathetic looks, but no help whatsoever. When he was younger I could physically restrain him and would sometimes carry him to his room for a time out. I once was lifting him off of the floor by his underarm, (not pulling on his arm,) without computing that the arc in which he would rise would put his face right at the same level as the arm of a wrought iron chair. Yep, I gave him a black eye. When I admitted to a therapist that I had slapped him on the face in order to snap him out of a string of expletives and threats to my life, she warned me that I was right on the edge. I then decided I would use Ghandi's concept of peaceful resistance. I would move to another room or cower on the couch until the storm would pass. Usually I was trying to shield my younger easy child from flying objects and flying fists. Eventually I just let him beat on me, until one incident when he used my own hand to hit me repeatedly on the face. I then decided that he could not be allowed to beat me and get away with it. With the agreement of the therapist, I have taken measures to protect myself when he is coming at me. These are defensive maneuvers, quite like what you did in the bathroom, I'm sure. Still, when I am in a public place I am very leery of using any measure of force against difficult child. Instead I will talk to him, saying things like, "Everyone can see you. Everyone is looking over here and can hear what you are saying. All these people are embarrassed because of how you are treating me. Everyone is scared of you because you are shouting at me and threatening me." When he does this in public I try to avoid being near him so he cannot whisper to me. Only once has anyone intervene to threaten to call the police on HIM, and yet they called the police on YOU for far far less! If it has gotten worse when once your difficult child was stabilized, then perhaps a medications change is in order. If he gets really out of control and physically violent, you may have no choice but to call a crisis line. I have the number programed into my phone, although I've never had to call it. For your own safety and especially for your daughter's safety see if there is one in your area. [/QUOTE]
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