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General Parenting
New with an operational defiant teen
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 219234" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you had to find us, but you'll find lots of support and good information here. You've been going through a very tough time. A few things occur to me .... for one, it would be important to drug test your difficult child or otherwise find out if he's clean. Kids with problems like his are at very high risk for substance abuse. If he admits to doing 'a little', he's almost certainly doing much more. Secondly, it's important for you to take care of yourself. His problems are taking over your life and you're getting lost in the whirlwind. Therapy for you is a great idea; also a parental group (similar to Al-Anon, something like Tough Love) if there is one near you; and Al-Anon or Nar-Anon to get help in taking a step back and leaving responsibility where it should lie.</p><p></p><p>If your son hasn't seen a doctor in a long time, an evaluation would be a good idea - rule some things in or out. I hope your therapist will help you look at ways to set rules in your house, decide what you will and won't tolerate (verbal abuse, for example), and what the consequences will be. I have found that allowing verbal disrespect/abuse results in a quick escalation to worse verbal abuse and then physical acting out/violence. I don't tolerate verbal disrespect any more. Clear rules, consistent consequences, and action rather than too many words will improve any situation, no matter what else may be going on. And remember, you have a right to be safe. Don't tolerate physical intimidation or abuse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 219234, member: 2884"] Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you had to find us, but you'll find lots of support and good information here. You've been going through a very tough time. A few things occur to me .... for one, it would be important to drug test your difficult child or otherwise find out if he's clean. Kids with problems like his are at very high risk for substance abuse. If he admits to doing 'a little', he's almost certainly doing much more. Secondly, it's important for you to take care of yourself. His problems are taking over your life and you're getting lost in the whirlwind. Therapy for you is a great idea; also a parental group (similar to Al-Anon, something like Tough Love) if there is one near you; and Al-Anon or Nar-Anon to get help in taking a step back and leaving responsibility where it should lie. If your son hasn't seen a doctor in a long time, an evaluation would be a good idea - rule some things in or out. I hope your therapist will help you look at ways to set rules in your house, decide what you will and won't tolerate (verbal abuse, for example), and what the consequences will be. I have found that allowing verbal disrespect/abuse results in a quick escalation to worse verbal abuse and then physical acting out/violence. I don't tolerate verbal disrespect any more. Clear rules, consistent consequences, and action rather than too many words will improve any situation, no matter what else may be going on. And remember, you have a right to be safe. Don't tolerate physical intimidation or abuse. [/QUOTE]
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