Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New with an operational defiant teen
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 219518" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Dawn, I also live in a small town. Unless you have for other reasons decided that your rose-coloured glasses are now permanently off and you hate the place, do NOT move just to run away from any reputation your son has foisted on you. You have a long time for the rest of your life without kids, a lot of time in which people can get to know YOU without the baggage.</p><p></p><p>Besides - this can be considered a friendship test. Anyone who is still prepared to be kind to you, to be friendly and understanding - they are real friends. Sometimes it takes work, but never let your kids (and fear of what others may think) influence you to be anything different/do anything different.</p><p></p><p>In our town we have some very strange individuals, some problem kids (a lot of problem kids) and over time these kids leave home and move away. Nobody judges the parents unless the parents themselves put up barriers. One 'strange individual' is a target for local thugs, he had to call the police when he was bashed and the result was, an otherwise innocent difficult child got into trouble because he was concealing the weapon for his "mate", a local thug who really didn't care that this difficult child got a criminal record on his behalf. The difficult child's parents have been distraught, but they and the 'strange individual' are still on speaking terms, still talk about how to help the young people in the town. The difficult child still hangs around with the wrong crowd (I believe he's using drugs; I don't think his parents accept this) and sadly will be the one to suffer permanently for having the wrong friends.</p><p></p><p>But even though this is a small town with some horrendously nosy gossips, I would never dream of leaving.</p><p></p><p>I still have to justify my 'weird kids' to a lot of villagers, quite a few of them are afraid of difficult child 1 because he dresses like a biker on a vendetta and never smiles. I know there are a lot of false rumours about him in the town, mostly form people who don't know him so well.</p><p>Similarly, easy child 2/difficult child 2 made a point of spreading rumours about herself, that she is a witch and will put curses on anyone who gets in her way or hassles her. The result was, she was at times lonely, but the flip side was that nobody messed with her either, the local bullies and thugs wouldn't go near her because she scared them.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, I did get "pastoral visits" from various churchy types who were concerned at the occult influence in our household (there was none, I made sure that easy child 2/difficult child understood that witchcraft was NOT the way to go; ANY attitude that you can have special powers just for you is arrogant, self-deceptive, naive and a waste of time and energy). I told the churchy types that if they fear something, they give it power over themselves. My children are not worth fearing. There are too many other REAL issues in this world that are more deserving of expending anxious energy.</p><p></p><p>I know there are people in our village who think I'm a bad parent. However, there are also people in our village who think I'm a GOOD parent (and my kids are among that group). As far as I am concerned, anyone who thinks badly of me because of my kids or because of rumours they have heard - I really don't care to deal with them. I will do business with them if I need to, I won't avoid people except in very rare circumstances; but I know where I stand with my friends. </p><p></p><p>Even if I never spoke to anyone else in the village again, this is a beautiful place to live and I would never want to leave. This place has attractions for me that are in the environment, in the lifestyle and in the mild climate. Nobody is going to take that away from me, not without a fight.</p><p></p><p>I've had to learn to not care about what other people think of me. If you let it worry you, it will enslave you wherever you go, because you can never get away from your own fears and anxieties. If you can learn to not be afraid, you will be free, even if your body is in prison.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 219518, member: 1991"] Dawn, I also live in a small town. Unless you have for other reasons decided that your rose-coloured glasses are now permanently off and you hate the place, do NOT move just to run away from any reputation your son has foisted on you. You have a long time for the rest of your life without kids, a lot of time in which people can get to know YOU without the baggage. Besides - this can be considered a friendship test. Anyone who is still prepared to be kind to you, to be friendly and understanding - they are real friends. Sometimes it takes work, but never let your kids (and fear of what others may think) influence you to be anything different/do anything different. In our town we have some very strange individuals, some problem kids (a lot of problem kids) and over time these kids leave home and move away. Nobody judges the parents unless the parents themselves put up barriers. One 'strange individual' is a target for local thugs, he had to call the police when he was bashed and the result was, an otherwise innocent difficult child got into trouble because he was concealing the weapon for his "mate", a local thug who really didn't care that this difficult child got a criminal record on his behalf. The difficult child's parents have been distraught, but they and the 'strange individual' are still on speaking terms, still talk about how to help the young people in the town. The difficult child still hangs around with the wrong crowd (I believe he's using drugs; I don't think his parents accept this) and sadly will be the one to suffer permanently for having the wrong friends. But even though this is a small town with some horrendously nosy gossips, I would never dream of leaving. I still have to justify my 'weird kids' to a lot of villagers, quite a few of them are afraid of difficult child 1 because he dresses like a biker on a vendetta and never smiles. I know there are a lot of false rumours about him in the town, mostly form people who don't know him so well. Similarly, easy child 2/difficult child 2 made a point of spreading rumours about herself, that she is a witch and will put curses on anyone who gets in her way or hassles her. The result was, she was at times lonely, but the flip side was that nobody messed with her either, the local bullies and thugs wouldn't go near her because she scared them. Mind you, I did get "pastoral visits" from various churchy types who were concerned at the occult influence in our household (there was none, I made sure that easy child 2/difficult child understood that witchcraft was NOT the way to go; ANY attitude that you can have special powers just for you is arrogant, self-deceptive, naive and a waste of time and energy). I told the churchy types that if they fear something, they give it power over themselves. My children are not worth fearing. There are too many other REAL issues in this world that are more deserving of expending anxious energy. I know there are people in our village who think I'm a bad parent. However, there are also people in our village who think I'm a GOOD parent (and my kids are among that group). As far as I am concerned, anyone who thinks badly of me because of my kids or because of rumours they have heard - I really don't care to deal with them. I will do business with them if I need to, I won't avoid people except in very rare circumstances; but I know where I stand with my friends. Even if I never spoke to anyone else in the village again, this is a beautiful place to live and I would never want to leave. This place has attractions for me that are in the environment, in the lifestyle and in the mild climate. Nobody is going to take that away from me, not without a fight. I've had to learn to not care about what other people think of me. If you let it worry you, it will enslave you wherever you go, because you can never get away from your own fears and anxieties. If you can learn to not be afraid, you will be free, even if your body is in prison. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New with an operational defiant teen
Top