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General Parenting
New with an operational defiant teen
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 220122" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry about your situation. in my humble opinion try to be an unconditional parent just focusing on connecting with him , getting him to speak , you listen - start with non emotive stuff , talk to him as if he were your friend. The explosive child - try to read the latest edition uses the CPS model - claborative problem solving . The brilliance of the model is that it focuses on ' concerns' and puts the solutions on the back shelf. Most of us express concerns in terms of solutions. Maybe a buddy-tutor could help with his studies , a mentor could reach him better than a therapist . Is he playing some basket ball , maybe he could join a club and play there , not at school. Maybe your older son can ' connect with him ' - maybe give them some cash to enjoy together, maybe he will confide in him</p><p></p><p>Let the police , school , law take care of him - you just focus on relationship building , finding something to talk about , going out for a treat etc , also talk about yourself , what makes you happy , show that you care about yourself - diet , exercise, relaxation , leisure , reading etc </p><p></p><p>it is not easy and it takes time for a kid to open up and trust that his interests are best served by working with people rather than fighting them.</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 220122, member: 10"] Hi, I am so sorry about your situation. in my humble opinion try to be an unconditional parent just focusing on connecting with him , getting him to speak , you listen - start with non emotive stuff , talk to him as if he were your friend. The explosive child - try to read the latest edition uses the CPS model - claborative problem solving . The brilliance of the model is that it focuses on ' concerns' and puts the solutions on the back shelf. Most of us express concerns in terms of solutions. Maybe a buddy-tutor could help with his studies , a mentor could reach him better than a therapist . Is he playing some basket ball , maybe he could join a club and play there , not at school. Maybe your older son can ' connect with him ' - maybe give them some cash to enjoy together, maybe he will confide in him Let the police , school , law take care of him - you just focus on relationship building , finding something to talk about , going out for a treat etc , also talk about yourself , what makes you happy , show that you care about yourself - diet , exercise, relaxation , leisure , reading etc it is not easy and it takes time for a kid to open up and trust that his interests are best served by working with people rather than fighting them. Allan [/QUOTE]
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