New with issues! Please help!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Frats, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Frats

    Frats New Member

    Hello, I am new to this forum and am looking for some serious help!
    My husband and I have a almost 3 year old son and we believe he may have behaviroal problems and would like some direction please.
    He is in a day care facility and has been since about 14wks, he has a best friend and really doesn't get into much trouble at school (we call it that) any more. Before he could talk he was a biter and would get pink slips for that a few times a week. He speaks very well for his age and is a very fast learner. He remembers EVERYTHING you say around him or tell him but is very selective when using those remembered things.. He has what we call Selective Listening skills, hears only what he wants too... he can hear M&Ms from across the country but you say lets go take a bath right to his face and he can't hear a word you said. We have had him in a swimming class since around age 6mos and for the past few months he has been drinking the water and today, my husband had enough and wants to remove him from the class. Apparently he was drinking the water, the teacher made him get out and sit on the side of the pool and he bent down and started sucking the water off of the pavement/sidewalk around the pool (indoor facility). We tell him over and over and over and over (I could really keep going here) again and he still drinks the water. He does it in the bathtub a lot too so we started giving him showers. We have tried to talk to him face to face, tried scoling him with a louder toned voice and still nothing.. he continues to do it. He is the King of "not otherwise specified" and I know he is a toddler but you can only take so much of it before you just want to pull your hair out piece by piece. Also, today he wants to sleep in his crib because he says he is a baby and that is where babies sleep. He has been in his twin size bed for well over a year now, maybe even 1.5 years.. but for some reason he chose to take his nap in the crib.. (left it up for the next baby).
    Please help if you can...
    thank you for listening.:(
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Frats, I'm glad you found us.

    I could have been writing this about the incredible memory, selective listening, having to repeat lessons over and over and over and them not sinking in. It's about 600 times harder than parenting a typical child...even if they are absolutely charming when they aren't being difficult.

    I'm going to give you some ideas about things I'd wished I'd known about back then for you to research. Keep in mind we're only parents here so we'll point you in the direction to research and maybe suggest looking into certain disorders, but we're not professional diagnosticians.

    About the water--one thing you'll want to look into is called Sensory Integration Dysfuntion. Kids with Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) interpret sensory input differently and some will seek out odd or unsual activities to fulfill their sensory needs. You can check out this link and if anything there rings a bell at all try the book The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz.

    Get yourself a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, but be sure and check out the thread on this board about adapting it for young children. If your child has grown up in a stable home situation with reasonably consistent parenting, he should be catching onto instuctions by now. Until you figure out what's up (or not up) I'd highly advise you to not push issues really far unless they're related to safety. ie don't expect him to come running to the bathroom to take a bath but try to work it in at a time he's most likely to cooperate, don't worry about where he's sleeping because 10 years from now I promise you it won't matter if he went back to taking naps in the crib for a while.

    Some questions for you:
    1) Anything in the family history that is developmentally different or in the realm of mental health issues: bipolar, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.

    2) Is he lining up toys at all, either in straight lines or in formations?

    3) Is he really selective about foods, clothing, tags, socks, etc?

    4) When you say he speaks well for his age, does it sound like regular kid talk? Any differences in his speech patterns that you have noticed? Does he talk continually about a topic he's really interested in?

    Hang in there--hopefully we'll be able to get you some help! Most of us have been in your shoes and know you've got a difficult parenting job.
  3. jenn4anthony

    jenn4anthony New Member

    Hi Frats...good to meet you...i am new here as is jenn, married for 8 years and we have a son he is 5. First, I dont really think I could offer you anything better than SRL! Awesome advice, suggestions. I have to say the out of sync child is an awesome book, there is also 1-2-3 Magic...all about Time Outs....and we used this for our son and it worked! Be patient as crazy as this sounds. Breathe deep and know that you are not alone in this. Also consistency is key to anything in life, especially parenting. This sounds really easy and like I have it all down, but, I dont just try to be firm, in a loving way, and, let your son know that he MUST listen to you. Good luck and please keep us posted.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think SRL just about nailed everything. I'm another vet who has been around the block with my son (and myself--I have bipolar). I would definitely get him evaluated. He is very young so anything you hear is simply a "working diagnosis" but at least you can get him early interventions, which are paramount to improving his overall prognosis. I favor neuropsychologist evaluations because these particular professions take hours and hours of testing and observance before they jump to snap conclusions. You can find them at university and children's hospitals. in my opinion that is more important than discipline right now. Once you know the devil you deal with, you will know better what sort of discipline he can relate to and what will be effective for him. Welcome to the board.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    SRL said most of what I wanted to say. BUT...

    Have you had him checked for diabetes? The thirsty/drinking thing can be a symptom. It would lead to all sorts of issues with him.

    I would also try to find a developmental pediatrician, they can be amazing. Ours was. He had a neuropsychologist on staff, all sorts of other therapists, etc... and really got results. He was responsive to parents, didn't treat us like idiots.

    Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood is a great book. It is by Fay & Cline, I believe. You can learn more at

    I also think that "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" by Carol Kranowitz is awesome. It is practical, fun activities that work for various sensory issues. Most are quite affordable.

    Hope this helps,

  6. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Welcome and good luck! These ladies are awesome, aren't they? Keep us updated.