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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675494" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Colleen, I want to say a quick Hi and Welcome. Merry Christmas. I am not saying that sarcastically. If you keep posting, and I hope so, you will learn here ways that your life will be rich and tranquil, even if your son chooses to live otherwise.</p><p></p><p>None of us has either control over or responsibility for the choices of our grown children. </p><p></p><p>If your son is dealing drugs, he has already made choices that have taken him away from home and family. He will have to deal with those consequences. They should not touch you.</p><p></p><p>Do you know the kind of drugs he is using? </p><p></p><p>Until he deals with drug addiction, I would think twice about subsidizing him. I would think twice as well about the car. Especially if it is your name, or he is on your insurance. As long as he is using drugs, any help you give him may will be subsidizing that life style. </p><p></p><p>I agree with Somewhereoutthere. However counter-intuitive it may sound, the reality of his life and your life with him is drugs. If he has been dealing drugs, there has already been a betrayal of your values and of you. That is the elephant in the room, which has to be confronted. </p><p></p><p>He has known all along what you want of him. He has chosen otherwise. No matter what you do or do not do, if the issue is drugs, it needs to be confronted by him. Not you.</p><p></p><p>If it were me I would be willing to help him obtain residential treatment.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this must be. All of us have had to deal with our own versions of a hell that we never ever envisioned. You did not fail. You did not fail him.</p><p></p><p>The reality of things, is that there is no solving this for him. All of the solutions will come from him. Sooner or later.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here. You have to take care of you. I do not think your husband is misguided to think of asking him to leave home. In a sense, your son has already left. It is to face what is real.</p><p></p><p>There is hope. A lot of it. But it comes from what your son decides to do.</p><p></p><p>There is a great deal of hope for you, too. You will be strengthened by this. In time. I know that. Take care.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675494, member: 18958"] Colleen, I want to say a quick Hi and Welcome. Merry Christmas. I am not saying that sarcastically. If you keep posting, and I hope so, you will learn here ways that your life will be rich and tranquil, even if your son chooses to live otherwise. None of us has either control over or responsibility for the choices of our grown children. If your son is dealing drugs, he has already made choices that have taken him away from home and family. He will have to deal with those consequences. They should not touch you. Do you know the kind of drugs he is using? Until he deals with drug addiction, I would think twice about subsidizing him. I would think twice as well about the car. Especially if it is your name, or he is on your insurance. As long as he is using drugs, any help you give him may will be subsidizing that life style. I agree with Somewhereoutthere. However counter-intuitive it may sound, the reality of his life and your life with him is drugs. If he has been dealing drugs, there has already been a betrayal of your values and of you. That is the elephant in the room, which has to be confronted. He has known all along what you want of him. He has chosen otherwise. No matter what you do or do not do, if the issue is drugs, it needs to be confronted by him. Not you. If it were me I would be willing to help him obtain residential treatment. I know how hard this must be. All of us have had to deal with our own versions of a hell that we never ever envisioned. You did not fail. You did not fail him. The reality of things, is that there is no solving this for him. All of the solutions will come from him. Sooner or later. I am glad you are here. You have to take care of you. I do not think your husband is misguided to think of asking him to leave home. In a sense, your son has already left. It is to face what is real. There is hope. A lot of it. But it comes from what your son decides to do. There is a great deal of hope for you, too. You will be strengthened by this. In time. I know that. Take care. COPA [/QUOTE]
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