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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675551" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Dearest gentle and kind Colleen, my heart reaches out to yours, this is a very trying time for you and your family. I am sorry for your heartache.</p><p> This says a lot right here. Drug use by a family member affects the ENTIRE family. It is a very rough road, and we become desperate in our attempts to help. To get things back to "normal." A big indication of how entangled we become with this, is how much effort <em>we</em> put in to help. We put in more effort, than our kids do, that is not right.</p><p>Time and again, I fell into this, jeopardizing my health, the peace in my home, because I felt that I should, I could help. Time and again, my two told me they weren't doing hard drugs, "just pot". <em>I didn't see the real picture</em>. I saw my two, as they were before drug use, and <em>I wanted that picture back.</em></p><p> Thank you for giving this background, it must have been a heart wrenching review for you, on this holiday, to make the time to share this. I know how this feels, to think it is a phase, that it will pass......</p><p> That must have been a difficult discovery. Cocaine is highly addictive. Expensive....scary.</p><p> You folks have done so much already to try and reach your son, <em>underneath the drugs</em>.</p><p> I know this feeling too, the ups and downs and ins and outs of addiction. Clean, not clean. It is as if<em> we</em> are on this path <em>in parallel with our emotions.</em> It is dizzying and knocks us off our feet.</p><p>One day, it looks as if a corner is turned, we dare to breathe and relax, then the bottom drops out again.</p><p> Depression is also a side effect of drug use, withdrawal....it takes time for the body and mind to heal. You know this already, I am sure, from your schooling and volunteer work.</p><p>I think what happens with us as parents, it is like an artist working on a large mural, up close to the painting, we have to step back and see the whole picture. It is good you are writing all of this Colleen, it is a way to look at the whole picture. Three years of dealing with this is a long time.</p><p>Keep writing and examining, it is cathartic and provides a more tangible perspective.</p><p> The denial, yes, I have heard this from my two, even though there is so much evidence, denial.</p><p> You are not giving up Colleen. <strong>It is a <em>giving in</em> to reality.</strong></p><p>There is always hope.</p><p>It is not the<em> desperate hope </em>that we can do something about this,</p><p>we cannot control our adult children and their choices.</p><p>The hope is, when we lovingly detach from our d cs, that they will learn to choose a different path. With your training and knowledge, I am sure you have given your boy all of the tools he needs to succeed. It is up to him. By letting him go, you are letting him test his wings. They work, you know. Our kids wings work.</p><p> Three years is a long time. I have never heard of a differentiation in<em> addiction</em>. Our pictures of drug addicts are ones of homelessness, mental illness, the dregs of society. When I went to seek help, I was shocked when the therapist told me of the amount of people out there on meth (my eldest choice of drug). She said it runs rampant throughout our society, Doctors, Judges, Housewives, and on and on........</p><p></p><p><em>He has no thoughts to consequences. I could lose my job if it came out I knew</em>. This is a testimony to how far this has gone. When our d cs have lost <em>this decency, </em>where is their conscience? How can they do this to <em>themselves</em>, and <em>us? </em> It is disrespectful, <em>unacceptable. </em></p><p>Really, really think of this Colleen.</p><p> These are true words. From a very kind, caring and loving Mom. I have had to face the same truths about my two. To this day, my eldest will deny meth use, deny stealing from us, breaking into our house, cash from our wallets missing, family heirlooms<em> pawned</em>......There is no control over this for us, it is up to our adult kids. When they are using, they will say, or do anything to get us to continue enabling them.</p><p> I hope the same for you Colleen. The fact your Doctor will give you stress leave, sleeping pills, anti depressants, shows how <em>sorely </em>affected you are. I know the pain of it Colleen, I have been there. No sleeping, problems eating, thoughts constantly on my two, my grandchildren. <em>This dark hole forms</em>. It is too much. We are not meant to fix this. We cannot fix this.</p><p>It is up to our adult kids to fix themselves.</p><p>Take it from a Mom who spent years desperately trying to help. I was sucked in because of my grands, tried anything and everything to recapture that picture. To no avail. It was never up to me. I did not have the magic potion. It was never my job, in the first place, it is my twos responsibility to make their own paths, to feel the consequences of their actions.</p><p>Those consequences were not meant for me to bare the burden of. I did, Colleen, and still do. All of the years spent trying to help, only prolonged the drug use, and it affected my entire household.</p><p></p><p>Slow way down, take time to think, try to step back from this picture you are painting, and <em>really look at it.</em></p><p></p><p>Take very good care of yourself my dear, it is a hard, hard time. If you haven't already, go see a therapist. A therapist helped me see, what I didn't want to see.</p><p></p><p>You can do this Colleen. </p><p>You can be strong. </p><p><em><strong>You matter, you have value.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We really, really care.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675551, member: 19522"] Dearest gentle and kind Colleen, my heart reaches out to yours, this is a very trying time for you and your family. I am sorry for your heartache. This says a lot right here. Drug use by a family member affects the ENTIRE family. It is a very rough road, and we become desperate in our attempts to help. To get things back to "normal." A big indication of how entangled we become with this, is how much effort [I]we[/I] put in to help. We put in more effort, than our kids do, that is not right. Time and again, I fell into this, jeopardizing my health, the peace in my home, because I felt that I should, I could help. Time and again, my two told me they weren't doing hard drugs, "just pot". [I]I didn't see the real picture[/I]. I saw my two, as they were before drug use, and [I]I wanted that picture back.[/I] Thank you for giving this background, it must have been a heart wrenching review for you, on this holiday, to make the time to share this. I know how this feels, to think it is a phase, that it will pass...... That must have been a difficult discovery. Cocaine is highly addictive. Expensive....scary. You folks have done so much already to try and reach your son, [I]underneath the drugs[/I]. I know this feeling too, the ups and downs and ins and outs of addiction. Clean, not clean. It is as if[I] we[/I] are on this path [I]in parallel with our emotions.[/I] It is dizzying and knocks us off our feet. One day, it looks as if a corner is turned, we dare to breathe and relax, then the bottom drops out again. Depression is also a side effect of drug use, withdrawal....it takes time for the body and mind to heal. You know this already, I am sure, from your schooling and volunteer work. I think what happens with us as parents, it is like an artist working on a large mural, up close to the painting, we have to step back and see the whole picture. It is good you are writing all of this Colleen, it is a way to look at the whole picture. Three years of dealing with this is a long time. Keep writing and examining, it is cathartic and provides a more tangible perspective. The denial, yes, I have heard this from my two, even though there is so much evidence, denial. You are not giving up Colleen. [B]It is a [I]giving in[/I] to reality.[/B] There is always hope. It is not the[I] desperate hope [/I]that we can do something about this, we cannot control our adult children and their choices. The hope is, when we lovingly detach from our d cs, that they will learn to choose a different path. With your training and knowledge, I am sure you have given your boy all of the tools he needs to succeed. It is up to him. By letting him go, you are letting him test his wings. They work, you know. Our kids wings work. Three years is a long time. I have never heard of a differentiation in[I] addiction[/I]. Our pictures of drug addicts are ones of homelessness, mental illness, the dregs of society. When I went to seek help, I was shocked when the therapist told me of the amount of people out there on meth (my eldest choice of drug). She said it runs rampant throughout our society, Doctors, Judges, Housewives, and on and on........ [I]He has no thoughts to consequences. I could lose my job if it came out I knew[/I]. This is a testimony to how far this has gone. When our d cs have lost [I]this decency, [/I]where is their conscience? How can they do this to [I]themselves[/I], and [I]us? [/I] It is disrespectful, [I]unacceptable. [/I] Really, really think of this Colleen. These are true words. From a very kind, caring and loving Mom. I have had to face the same truths about my two. To this day, my eldest will deny meth use, deny stealing from us, breaking into our house, cash from our wallets missing, family heirlooms[I] pawned[/I]......There is no control over this for us, it is up to our adult kids. When they are using, they will say, or do anything to get us to continue enabling them. I hope the same for you Colleen. The fact your Doctor will give you stress leave, sleeping pills, anti depressants, shows how [I]sorely [/I]affected you are. I know the pain of it Colleen, I have been there. No sleeping, problems eating, thoughts constantly on my two, my grandchildren. [I]This dark hole forms[/I]. It is too much. We are not meant to fix this. We cannot fix this. It is up to our adult kids to fix themselves. Take it from a Mom who spent years desperately trying to help. I was sucked in because of my grands, tried anything and everything to recapture that picture. To no avail. It was never up to me. I did not have the magic potion. It was never my job, in the first place, it is my twos responsibility to make their own paths, to feel the consequences of their actions. Those consequences were not meant for me to bare the burden of. I did, Colleen, and still do. All of the years spent trying to help, only prolonged the drug use, and it affected my entire household. Slow way down, take time to think, try to step back from this picture you are painting, and [I]really look at it.[/I] Take very good care of yourself my dear, it is a hard, hard time. If you haven't already, go see a therapist. A therapist helped me see, what I didn't want to see. You can do this Colleen. You can be strong. [I][B]You matter, you have value.[/B][/I] Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We really, really care. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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